Categories
nigeria

Humanity in Love crises

Earth was meant to be a place to experience physicality, to live as a tribe of caring people who took care of each other and loved one another, while enjoying the beauty and bounty of the land.

What pulled humanity away from love and oneness was misinformation; people acting on information that was not true. For example the Salem witch trials, the Holocaust, the Spanish Inquisition, the Crusades, the idea of Manifest Destiny, even religion in general. People hoarded resources, began hating other people, began attacking those who were different. People believed something that wasn’t true and acted on it in a way that caused disconnection, schisms, war, torture, and murder.

Control, manipulation, and fear caused humanity to ignore their innate, Source-infused directive to love and care for each other. When humans succumbed to fear, they forgot their directive and altered their paths, which altered the original course of humanity.

Humanity continues to succumb to misinformation today, which is causing humans to close themselves off from others, to hoard resources, to hate entire segments of people. “People need to get back in contact with their human directive to love and care about each other, and stop listening to information that is false and designed to separate humanity. There are world leaders today who perpetuate misinformation, and it’s not just politicians, but anyone with power and sway, from a celebrity on Instagram to a priest in a pulpit to a principal in a school, to a parent over a child.”

You may not always have the resources to determine if information is true or not, but ask yourself if the information you’re receiving takes you further away from love or closer to it. Only act on information that brings you to love, not fear.”

Pavlina

Categories
nigeria

WONDERFUL PARTNER, TERRIBLE FAMILY

Typically a genuine life story I would like to share in a different way.

Your partner is goal oriented and emotionally stable. He neither smokes nor drinks and he speaks slowly picking his words carefully in attempt not to use a hurtful word. Each time he struggles to talk about his family.  He was quick to change the subject like they never existed. I  could sense he is not comfortable whenever I insisted on paying them a visit.

Should you break up with your partner because of their toxic family

Finally, he agrees to take you home. You are nervous whether they will like you amour not. His own anxiety was thrice yours. Looking forward for the slightest reason to cancel the journey. He sees you were insisting on going. Finally,you arrive the place and noticed five persons packed in a little cubicle. You perceived an awful smell from the small apartment. His younger brother greeted you holding a wrap of wrapped weed in his hand. That should have been a signal but you overlooked it.

Then you noticed their tone in speaking. The father yelling at the mum “Go bring an extra cup”. He gets angry over little or nothing and has no regard for his wife in public. You ask how your partner was as a child, each person used the opportunity to list their little achievement. They were competing for attention
To say that I was shocked was an understatement. Your partner could see the shock in your eyes and tried to remedy the situation only to get a thunderous.

His mum presented a keg of local alcoholic wine but he gently told her that I do not drink. She fumed with dissapintment like one whose marriage proposal was rejected.
“Can’t you do something right for once’?
This time, it was his mum yelling at him for using a fork to eat the EBA. She was trying to project her anger somewhere else.The household find it difficult to cope with rejection.
He gently dropped the cutlery and used his hands in an attempt not to worsen an already terrible day.

After what looks like hours, you finally take your leave earlier than imagined.
You are glad you finally left. You are curious how your partner manages to turn out different from his family members. How he grew up in a difficult, destructive family to a productive compassionate young man. You love your partner nevertheless buy you know you cannot take his family as your family. You would never like to spend an hour near them again. They would drain your energy. You are willing to proceed with the marriage plans If he promises never to get them involved in your marital life physically or otherwise. Is that practical?

Categories
emotion family nigeria relationship women

Divorce Marketer

A reader asked me how much the devil paid me to promote divorce . she reminded me that family unity should be promoted over saperation. She lamented that my articles encouraged readers to. Seek Marriage annulment over the slightest provocation.   I  smiled at her assumption. The truth is ; I am neither for marriage nor for divorce. Rather, I am pro freedom, pro happiness and pro choice

Every blessed day, I see married persons secretly involved in adultery. I see couple in an unpleasant union but reluctant to dissolve it and unable to make it better. I see women who have lost their voice and power. I see individuals sacrificing their life for their partner who does not acknowledge them.

Studies Shows that unhappiness leads to    diseases. This follows that these individuals are gradually feeling themselves to their grave. An unsatisfied marriage is detrimental to their life. Saperating oneself from such source of disease is necessary to save their life.A surgeon simple removes a life threatening tumor from the body. Wisdom tells us to divorce When your partner is a continuous trigger of grief. Our fear of public perception and fear of acknowledging failure keeps us stuck in an unsatisfied relationship. When the parents are always quarrelling, the child is hurt. The Bible tells us that God destroyed the world when human sinned and made God sad.

I am not concerned about your marriage status or your sexual life. I care about ones feeling. I want each person to priotise his/her emotional needs enough to detach oneself from the trigger of your sorrow and take more responsibility for one’s life. The message is to take decisions based on one’s own thought and feelings and make changes as we grow rather than hand over our power to an external body. We can create the life we wants and not one based on societal expectation.

Categories
nigeria

Decisions as votes, and why modern society is built to kill marriage.

A close friend of mine is going through divorce: found out early this year that his wife had cheated on him, and in the intervening time he’s proceeded steadily toward having her move out and filing the actual papers. Out of respect for him I won’t get into the hairy details too much. As he […]

Decisions as votes, and why modern society is built to kill marriage.
Categories
feminism nigeria relationship women

Any Hope for the Whore?

Today is a day set aside for violence against women.The year 2020 has not been a favorable year for many of us. We drained our savings to eat during the end SARS saga only to be retrenched by the organization we work for. This has led many into all form of vices to make ends meet.

In a region where over fifty percent of citizen live in abject poverty,It is not uncommon for one to use any available means to put food on the table. Men use their physical do menial jobs like carrying block, pushing wheel barrow etc. Women resort to trading their punny to put food on the table.

The society is to quick to condemn the later while praising the former. Both group do not like their job. An American based research revealed that about 85 percent of prostitute would leave their job if they were in a better financial situation. The statistics would rise in third world countries. Environment that breed hardship also breed sex workers.

No parent who have children he cannot train would fold his arm and watch the child die of hunger.He would send him out to hawk for himself. Of course that is child labor and the parent ought to be punnished. The child is the victim here. To protect the child from harm, parent provide a framework- a shop close to the house – where the child can assist behind the scene.

Similarly, financially motivated prostitute are victims of the society and do not deserve to be punnished. Imagine standing semi- naked in the middle of the night exposing ones body to cold not go mention the various incident of non- payment and rape. The job is illegal so they cannot report to anyone. When they do, society turn a deaf ear.

Criminalising prostitution does not help the victim. A law should protect the victim from harm. The prostitute are not harming anyone.

Holland ,one of the few countries go legalize prostitution reports a thirty percent reduction in rape- reported cases. Would plying the route provide a glimpse of hope for the oldest profession in the world?

Categories
nigeria

Be nice. What does that even mean?

We have chaos all around us. Each of us have a battle that no one else knows about. So be kind. But some aren’t. And when we keep getting disrespected, how do you keep being nice? Doesn’t that make you a fool? So then do you become the person you don’t like and not be […]

Be nice. What does that even mean?
Categories
nigeria

Jehovah Witness Member To Sue A Medical Doctor For Administering Blood Transfusion Without His Consent When He Was Unconscious

An accident victim allegedly wants to file a lawsuit against a doctor for giving him blood to revive him. The man was reportedly taken to the hospital after he suffered an accident that nearly cost him his life. The doctor on duty did a blood transfusion to save him and he soon regained consciousness. He […]

Jehovah Witness Member To Sue A Medical Doctor For Administering Blood Transfusion Without His Consent When He Was Unconscious
Categories
ethics nigeria religion world

How I watched daddy die

My kids just asked me how their father died. This is the third time I have waved the question. I cannot continue avoiding it any longer .

May be I should tell them he slept and never woke up. This would keep their mind at rest . But my mind would not be at peace. That would be a lie. What if they hear the truth from another source They would see me as a liar.

I would not want that. I would tell them the partial truth. He died in a motor accident .But a half truth would equate a lie

I would equate the truth. I would tell them how a little misunderstanding we had made him loose concentration while driving and we got hit by a upcoming vehicle. I came out with minor bruises while their dad lost agreat deal of blood.

The doctor had requested for blood transfusion and I refused . My belief as a Jehovah Witness prohibit us from any form of blood transfusion. I hope they can forgive me for valuing obedience toreligious laws over love for their father. I hope they would understand that I could be excommunicated for disobedience. The church has turned his back on me each time I beckon on the members for financial assistance in raising them. I would let them know how much I regret that decision today . I hope they forgive me despite my inability to forgive myself.

Categories
authentic childhood education ethics nigeria

Educated to sacrifice

I grew up like most of you out there subjected to three major kind of education. The first is family education, second is academic education and the third is called religious education.

Family education focused on duty. I learnt to be obedient to authority- my parents,elders, etc. I heard to do whatever they asked me to do whether I felt like or not under the assumption that they meant well for me.Failure to comply resulted to punnishnent. I learnt my first lesson- suppress your feeling and comply to avoid punnishnent.

The Religious education focused on submission. We are to submit to the instructions as written in the holy books. I must pray at a particular time and place whether I like it or not. If I fail to comply, I would be sentenced to eternal punnishnent. I learnt my second lesson. Suppress my feelings and submit to what the gods say or risk going to hell

The third education is societal education.We had to obey the written and unwritten laws of the land or risk getting jailed. No one cares if you enjoy paying taxes. I learnt my third lesson : suppress your feelings and conform to societal expectation.

All these education taught me to focus on ideas outside of myself. My parents, religion and society had little or no concern for my feeling . Pleasure and humor are to be swept underground.I am not to search for my own happiness even when my happiness does not interfere with that of others. I feel guilty for pursuing my dream. It means I am deviating from the dreams of the religious group,parents or society. It means I am a selfish fellow. I am a rebel for not living a duty oriented life.

Selfishness is synonymous with evil. A selfish person is one who is concerned with his own need. when did that becomes a terrible thing . we are encouraged to sacrifice our desire . Is self sacrifice really a virtue? Teaching of self sacrifice encourage one to value others more than oneself. It may lead to low self-esteem.Self sacrifice teaching has prevented many of us from achieving our dream.

Categories
nigeria religion

Hurt cycle

Obedience is a virtue

Questioning is from the devil

To establish my thinking ability

Is a threat to their sovergnity

To serve them was my only mission

Threatened into submission

Loved them for assaulting my dignity

Defended their cruelty

Like a prisoner

In love with her jailer

Justified the painful experience

Pushed it outside my conscious awareness

Grown into a wounded adult

My kids receive similar hurt

Categories
nigeria

Most African Parents are Toxic

Yesterday, my younger brother’s friends came over with their younger sister of about five years. As we got talking, kids being kids totally spilled the beans. She told us how she was really scared of her dad and that “he would kill her”. As we prodded on what she meant, she told us how he used koboko (a special kind of leather whips) to flog her and her siblings, and how she had marks all over her body as proof. We looked at the marks and mahnnnnn! My sister was beyond pissed, her sentiments being that the child was too young to be flogged with whips and for what crime really?

I began to recount stories of a friend I had in primary two who constantly came to school with flog marks all over her body. My own sentiment is that nobody, no child especially, should be subject to that sort of treatment when he’s not a criminal.

Later that night, another event sparked another conversation. My sister and I were talking about how a lot of children low-key resent their parents because they are abusive to them. She made a comment that “immediately they can stand on their own, they won’t even look back at their parents” and that caught my attention. I remember once when I posted that a lot of African parents are toxic and entitled, two of my friends who have abusive parents made those exact statements to me.

So it’s actually shocking and funny when people act like you commit heresy by saying African parents are toxic and/or abusive. This is not me pointing an accusing finger at your family (although if you feel attacked, check your family) and it is by no means a generalization. I think it’s interesting how people I’ve interacted with that have abusive parents never agree that their parents are abusive but are sometimes the same ones that say the minute they move out of their parents’ house, they’re done with their parents.

I believe and always say that the first step to progress is acceptance, you’ve got to accept your reality as it is, no painting and colouring. How do you explain parents cutting their children with broken plates because they broke a plate? Or how do you explain a parent constantly using whips and belt heads to flog their children? Or you think that’s too extreme? What about the parents whose teaching/correction/love language is cane? Or slaps? Are you raising goats?

And then beyond the physical abuse that abounds and is now the norm in our homes, let’s talk about the verbal abuse. When people recount what their parents tell them sometimes, I’m honestly in shock. The last one I heard, I had to say she wasn’t the man’s child, because I can’t imagine a parent say these horrible words to their children. But apparently, it is a thing! Like Sefi Atta said in Everything Good Will Come, by the time these kids are grown, they’d have beat out every creativity in the child and shouted out every initiative from the child.

Somehow though, we’ve grown to see these things as “normal” and even pride in them to the point of anticipating giving your child such dreadful childhood, and I think this is what I’m most concerned about. The argument is constantly that “we turned out fine because of this training”, nahh boo! Permit me to shock you, you didn’t! You turned out fine, in spite. In fact, how do you know you’re fine even? Because you’re wearing top and trouser? A lot of us have vary levels of psychological and emotional issues as a result of “this training”.

I feel like we need to get to the point where we realize and admit our parents are not perfect and so are bound to make mistakes. They probably did their best based on the amount of exposure and understanding they had but we can definitely do better. Being toxic is not and should not be a sign of “Africanness” – this is a narrative that needs to be changed tbh (one day we’d talk about the shitty narratives we were handed, one day but not today).

Asawana.wordpress.com

Categories
family feminism gender relationship

Laws of being a side chick ( just for laugh)

Being honest with myself, I have never really been on the high ground when it comes to morality, or rather, what the society defines as morality. I support abortion, I wouldn’t throw a rock on anyone who does it. I show skin….a lot when I dress up and I love my body so much.

Once again, sis is here to sound ‘immoral’.

Hello moral police of the society, I hope you well, here and cheers to more future fights.

So…sidechick-ing. Quite an intriguing idea.

Let’s all note this fact, a side chick is not a home-wrecker. Or a mistress. She is nothing more than a side dish. More like desert, or those meals that you get served at a restaurant before the main course, let’s be honest, aren’t they the sweetest?

Before we go any further, I would just like to say that this article is penned down by a proud hypothetically…side chick. One that doesn’t live by the moral guidelines of the society or what the society regards as conventional as a means to soothe their ego.

Lots of us in our twenties have the rush to find the perfect man, but really, is there a perfect man? Are you a perfect man?

Being a side chick means you giving out something that the number one woman isn’t, let’s all admit that to some level, this is flattery. But being a side chic is hell of a task, juggling the innocently clueless girlfriend, scandals and drama, headache and a never ending love triangle. But who knows, you may eventually be the main, don’t count on this though, just have fun.

Self-made rules to being a side chick.

Always keep the secret.

LOL.
Keep your mouth shut even from your best friend. This whole affair is clandestine, nobody wants to hear your story. You are a secret, your relationship is a secret and letting it out there would just ruin the fun. Learn to stay in your lane always.

 You may find yourself in situations that may twist your mind to make you think you need to admit that you are a side chick, do not! Let the man be the one to do it, if he wants to. With millennial, you may have the urge to profess this affair on social media, don’t listen to that devil please. Nobody wants to hear about your coastal vacation with the man who’s involved with nani (who) Rule numero uno!

Stay away from PDA’s

FOR POSTING HIS HAIR. HAHA
You just can’t go public with him no matter how much you want to. Without secrecy your relationship is dead. Lol. Honestly, you do not want to go out displaying affection to the guy we know is dating who. Unless you want to give the public a show. It may get messy real quick.

Set the goals for the relationship and stick to them.

A man can date his soul mate a secret for his whole life and keep it a secret, and so he will have no problem keeping a secret of you. Set the goal for the relationship and keep it a secret. Have funn.

Avoid drama like you avoid covid-19

When someone hears the word side chick, what rings in their mind is drama. If you are a drama queen, take it to the movies please. Be the safe haven, where he comes to find peace and safety. Thou shall never leave behind, a scent, a nail, an earring, a bra or a piece of hair for the main chick to uncover and cause drama.

Do not, I repeat, do not ask him for money.

Do not litter this ‘relationship’ with tenets of quid pro quo principle. This may sound ironic but never ask this man for money otherwise you will end up feeling like a cheap prostitute who gives out sex for money. Make the relationship all about fantasies. Offer that which ye cannot get from any other. If you desperate, find ways of outsourcing that cash but never ever ask him for money.

Avoid falling at all costs

You’d not want to be in something toxic, and remember that when you were getting into this, you agreed that there would be no strings attached. Now this may seem like the simplest rule and when you look at that man you feel like you have your reasons for falling for him. Or that you are too ambitious and looking forward to be a main chick.Strong feelings may develop, just make sure that feeling is not love.  Do not fall for him!!  

Do not get pregnant.

This man is not yours. Now at 20something you don’t plan on getting a baby for your boyfriend, don’t risk it with a guy who just wants to satisfy his fantasies. Have fun, stay safe…from corona and accidental pregnancies.

Get into this fully knowing the risks of being a side chick and do not concern yourself with this guy’s main. Otherwise, have fun .

Mancrine jangu

Categories
africa buisness life nigeria police

TRIGGER

The stay at home order caused by the Covid 19 pandemic has led many to touch their saving. When the order was withdrawn, many jobs had been lost. This has led many into depression

The few who are lucky to still have their job are heaped with more workload. The organization need to deliver or else risk another level of retrenchment. Every employee is in fear of loosing their job. Buisness owners have to make it by hook or crook to avoid closure.

This year, saints have turned rogues. Clergies are taking looting warehouses. Everyone is frustrated. Parents yell at children on the slightest provocation..

Categories
nigeria

The beginning of a new era

The #endsars campaign marked the begining of a new era in the country. For the first time,youth rallied together to protest against police brutality and bad governance . This protest is born out of dissatisfaction with the current way the nation is run .

Every change comes with resistance. There are conservative who prefer to stick to the status quo . There are those who benefit from the system and would do everything to continue to enrich oneself. There are those who stay on the fence. Neither here or there . There are the observers who agree with the visionaries but are unwilling to lift a finger . They want to benefit from the success but are not willing to loose anything. They are risk aversive. There are those who would say ” what is the use?” “Why make an effort”?

Here can be no growth unless one is discontent with the present situation and an attempt to envision a new possibility. The vision guides him all through the protest . Protest is a decision to let go of the unwanted ways. Brutality and injustice awakens the desire for transformation.

Visionaries face lots of obstacles in their first attempt . The resistance is much . Many at times,they do not live to withness the ideal come to life. They are aware their ideal may come at the detriment of their lives. They loose their property, yet they persisted .Jesus is a visionary. He died yet Christianity lived . The numerous youth who have lost their lives are matyrs.

Visionaries know that transformation does not happen overnight.He is wise enough to be content with the gradual progress . perfection is not his goal . Seeing an improvement no matter how little gives him fulfilment

Categories
emotion nigeria relationship women

Relationship mission

Several years ago,I was squating with a relation before I could get my own apartment. During the buisness news, the husband lamented how the market capitalisation had dropped down and how the change in government had led to uncertainty among investors. He predicted a decline in the market share price in the next few years.  His wife nodes her head like she was following only to say moments later.

I like the style of her blouse.

I could see the dissapointment in the husbands face. He found it difficult to engage in social- economic discussion with the wife. Here he was discussing serious issues and she was interested in a piece of clothing material.  Both of them were from two different worlds.

Today,I heard they were involved in divorce litigation. He was accused of committing adultery. was not surprised. She was a fashion designer with many apprentice working for her. He was a financial analyst .

The relationship was dead from the beginning. It was only a matter of time before it could manifest.We must always be in relationship with like minded individuals as this motivates us in our day to day life. Our partner shapes our life and our thoughts. When we exchange ideas and values with those who have similar goals and inspirations it plays an important role in our

Have you ever wondered why most men get involved in an affair with their co- worker. This is because both spend time sharing their thoughts on similar project. They are like partners. From official discussion to semi- official discussion. From there , It leads to personal discussion. From there, It leads to relationship discussion. He is more open to her than he is to the wife . The affair did not start the day they had their first kiss. Then he says ” If I had met you earlier, I would not have gotten married to my wife.

That sounds harsh but it is reality . He was moved by her beauty when he met her but today, he has learnt that there is more to physical appearance. He desires one he can communicate freely on issues of similar interest.Their work-life and interest are miles apart. Nothing brings them together.

Relationship is no longer about two individuals who want to get married and raise kids.because they have come of age or teaming up to meet our basic need of food, shelter, sex etc Relationship is about one person who is on a mission and discovers another person who is on a similar mission and they team up to embark on facing the challenges together .Relationship is a journey not a destination.Your partner inspire you to become a better version of your self. Not all relationship should lead into marriage. A relationship Should make you better version of yourself while pursuing the mission. The mission is the focus of the relationship and not the partner. You do not complete your partner or look for a partner to complete you. No, you focus on something outside yourselves .

The mission could be to render legal services to those who cannot provide one or to design a more efficient way of generating electricity or reform the lives of ex convicts or to impact values and principles to preteens or to spread the Marxist philosophy to the world or to build a mediation center for conflict resolution or to speak for the freedom of the oppressed.You grow with your partner. When the mission is a long term mission of over twenty years , They may decide to get married. Marriage should never be the mission for any relationship. Marriage may be introduced for long term journey .

If you discover you are on a different path from your partner,do not hurriedly leave the relationship. Ask her  to list her  about twenty activities she likes to do. List twenty hobbies you enjoy too .Find the hobbies you both enjoy together. If  it is music, start singing together. Compose a song Individually and sing it on your anniversary. The point is consciously create a life by engaging in activities together. Ensure It is something you both enjoy so no one feels burnt out. Reignite the spark.