What’s Wrong With Sex? Is there anything wrong with two people coming together and just having sex — for fun — without first having an emotionally intimate relationship (assuming safe sex is practiced of course)?
I was raised to believe the answer to this is yes, that there is something wrong with it.
As a sophomore in high school, I had to write a school paper on why premarital sex was wrong. I did the assignment and regurgitated what I needed to get an A.
Privately I had doubts about what I was taught. And of course I went ahead and had premarital sex anyway, which turned out to be a lot of fun with no guilt or regret.
Looking back, I think I would have preferred to get an F on that assignment and had more fun instead. 🙂
Today I see absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for fun, as long as it’s done safely and consensually. I think those who feel that sex is wrong, dirty, or immoral are terribly repressed. I’ve never met a genuinely happy person that felt this way about sex. Perhaps if such people just got laid more often, they wouldn’t be so grumpy.
Prerequisites for Sex What prerequisites do we actually need to engage in sex? A willing partner is really all that’s required. If you have a willing partner, you can have sex.
Serious rocket science here, eh?
Just to be clear, let’s assume your body and your partner’s body are physically capable of having sex as well.
All other rules, constraints, and requirements arise from social conditioning and are therefore unnecessary.
You don’t need to be married or in a committed relationship.
You don’t need to be dating.
You don’t need to be in love.
You don’t need an opposite-sex partner.
You don’t need to be exclusive with your partner.
Your partner doesn’t need to be exclusive with you.
You don’t need to be programmed in multiple techniques.
You don’t even need to have met the other person first.
All you need is consent.
Technically speaking, even your partner’s consent is a socially conditioned prerequisite, but I think it’s one we should maintain. The alternative is illegal, unethical, and hurtful. We can certainly enjoy sex without resorting to rape. Acting out your kinky fantasies, on the other hand, can still be completely consensual.
How many extra rules do you have in your head about what’s required for you to have sex above and beyond the most basic?
How are those rules working for you? Are you delighted with the results they’re producing?
Do your rules make it easy for you to enjoy the sexual experiences you desire? Or are they simply getting in the way and blocking you?
Do you realize that you have the freedom to choose the rules you want to keep as well as those you’d rather dump?
I’m not suggesting that you need to lower your standards to the absolute minimum. I’m simply suggesting that you take a good, conscious look at your current rules and requirements for having sex, and consider whether they’re helping you or hurting you.
Personally I have pretty high standards for when I will and won’t have sex. These standards, however, are ones I’ve chosen because I’m happy with them. I don’t maintain standards just because everyone else feels they’re proper and necessary.
ToLet go of unnecessary sex rules that don’t serve you. You decide what’s really important to you, and drop the rest.
This year, the Federal Government joined other nations to impose a curfew as one of the steps to reduce the spread of covid 19. The people lamented on the effect such law had on individual freedom. Earlier this month,the nation marked her sixty years freedom from Western colony. Few days ago, the people protested against the Special Anti-robbery squad for (SARS) for invading on human rights.
While we focus on external freedom like geographic freedom, financial freedom,and political freedom we neglect a fundamental freedin- mental freedom. …. Mental freedom is freedom from society conditioning, society expectation and need for approval. It is the detachment of oneself from society labels. It is the recognition that one is not ones gender. One is not ones tribe.One are not ones religion .These are roles assigned to us while we are young. They were neccesary at that time when we lacked the ability to think. Now we have a choice to examine them and not carry them through adulthood.
Mental freedom begins by excersicing control over ones emotion. Ones emotion does not dictate what one does. Frequent outburst over little triggers signals one who is a slave to his anger. Theft and corrupt practices are signs of a slave to emotion of desire and greed. Whatever controls your emotion controls you.
Men who are unable to cry in public for fear of being labelled a weakling are in gender bondage.He cages those tears,act tough ,engage in drinking and smoking and other maladaptive act to suppress those emotion. A free person would choose to let the tears flow. Women who abandon their career to cater for kids out of duty as a woman and not out of love and personal choice is a slave to traditional gender roles.
One who is naturally kind and compassionate but will not hesitate to watch a thirteen years old boy die over opposing view is not free to his conscience. As long as we need an ancient book to tell us what is right and what is not,We cannot be mentally free. The book is thinking for us.
One who prefers candidate A but goes ahead to vote candidate B because his politicalGodfather, parent or religious leaders asked him to will continue to be a pawn in their hands. A governor who takes decision to please the Godfather but not in the state best interest is a slave to The godfather.
To be liberated from societal conditioning, we need need to examine the effect certain words have on us . He notices thoughts that brightens his mood and those that does not Why do I feel angry each time someone insults my Tribe, My prophet, my political party? These tribes, prophet, party existed long before I was born. I am not them. My happiness should not be tied to someone perception of them.
Next is to challenge our thoughts. Why do I belong to this group in the first place.? Could it be because my immediate family belonged here? If they belonged to the opposition, would I be a member of the opposition? Am I biased? Then he plays the devil advocate. He tries to see things from the opposition point of view. What if they are right?
We exlores our tendency to hand over decision making to Those perceived as superior to him Do I easily hand over decision to authority? Are authority always right? The present covid 19 pandemic showed a case of different medical doctors with conflicting view on the efficacy of Chloroquine in the treatment of the virus. Since experts could disagree over an issue, why can’t an individual disagree with the expert?
A mental free person explores various opinion ,engages in self- thinking and detach oneself from society labels. You are not your gender. You are not your tribe.you are not your religion .These are roles assigned to us while we are young. They were neccesary at that time when we lacked the ability to think. Now we have a choice to examine them . arriving at his own decision. His decision may not allign with that of the majority.He does then anyway.
Examining ones name, do I really love my name? You can begin by choosing a different name. One that reflects whom you really are or aspires to be. We can choose the values dear to us and live by them.
The journey towards mental freedom is not achieved over night. It takes periods of continuous effort . The society would never be in support of your quest.No jailer wants her captive to be free.
Marriage is an individual choice and not a collective one. The government has no business regulating how I use my genital. It is mine and mine alone. I decide who I choose to get married to . I can decide to share it with a single person or a married person. It is my freedom to choose to be a celibate or be married. While married, I decide with my partner whether to make it open relationship or monogamy.
Marriage is not for everyone. There are people who are happier single. I mean those who are do introverted that they cannot tolerate a very long time without feeling drained. There are people who prefer long distance relationship with few visits and frequent absence rather than continued presence. those whose high attention sexual urge cannot be satisfied by any one individual. There are others who dislike the boredom of sticking to one partner scares the hell out of them. Variety is the spice of life.The fun of experimenting with various sizes and types thrills them. There are yet another group whose need for independence and freedom makes them dislike the idea of consulting with another before making decision. There is another group that love to be in motion. They wake up one morning and decide to relocate to another state only to explore another culture the next year. Traveling is their hobby and getting married with kids hinders that . Settling down is like a death trap. Flowing water is cleaner. Stagnant water attracts mosquitoes and other microorganism.
Human needs are various. the concept of getting married does not fit into their ideal future. They are better off single or in an open relationship. imposing monogamy marriage on them will choke them. Their partner and children would suffer . Cheating is bound to occur. The fact that cheating still exist means we should question the effectiveness of monogamy and possibility of open marriage.
Investment experts would advice you never to put all your eggs in one basket to mitigate against risk. Economic expert suggest diversification and not depending on only crude oil. Why don’t we Apply the same analogy to our own emotional life. Risk is mitigated when we stop expecting one person to be our confident, sexual satisfier ,friend, mother of children etc. Can we consider open marriage and celibacy as alternative to monogamy