What’s Wrong With Sex?
Is there anything wrong with two people coming together and just having sex — for fun — without first having an emotionally intimate relationship (assuming safe sex is practiced of course)?
I was raised to believe the answer to this is yes, that there is something wrong with it.
As a sophomore in high school, I had to write a school paper on why premarital sex was wrong. I did the assignment and regurgitated what I needed to get an A.
Privately I had doubts about what I was taught. And of course I went ahead and had premarital sex anyway, which turned out to be a lot of fun with no guilt or regret.
Looking back, I think I would have preferred to get an F on that assignment and had more fun instead. 🙂
Today I see absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for fun, as long as it’s done safely and consensually. I think those who feel that sex is wrong, dirty, or immoral are terribly repressed. I’ve never met a genuinely happy person that felt this way about sex. Perhaps if such people just got laid more often, they wouldn’t be so grumpy.
Prerequisites for Sex
What prerequisites do we actually need to engage in sex? A willing partner is really all that’s required. If you have a willing partner, you can have sex.
Serious rocket science here, eh?
Just to be clear, let’s assume your body and your partner’s body are physically capable of having sex as well.
All other rules, constraints, and requirements arise from social conditioning and are therefore unnecessary.
You don’t need to be married or in a committed relationship.
You don’t need to be dating.
You don’t need to be in love.
You don’t need an opposite-sex partner.
You don’t need to be exclusive with your partner.
Your partner doesn’t need to be exclusive with you.
You don’t need to be programmed in multiple techniques.
You don’t even need to have met the other person first.
All you need is consent.
Technically speaking, even your partner’s consent is a socially conditioned prerequisite, but I think it’s one we should maintain. The alternative is illegal, unethical, and hurtful. We can certainly enjoy sex without resorting to rape. Acting out your kinky fantasies, on the other hand, can still be completely consensual.
How many extra rules do you have in your head about what’s required for you to have sex above and beyond the most basic?
How are those rules working for you? Are you delighted with the results they’re producing?
Do your rules make it easy for you to enjoy the sexual experiences you desire? Or are they simply getting in the way and blocking you?
Do you realize that you have the freedom to choose the rules you want to keep as well as those you’d rather dump?
I’m not suggesting that you need to lower your standards to the absolute minimum. I’m simply suggesting that you take a good, conscious look at your current rules and requirements for having sex, and consider whether they’re helping you or hurting you.
Personally I have pretty high standards for when I will and won’t have sex. These standards, however, are ones I’ve chosen because I’m happy with them. I don’t maintain standards just because everyone else feels they’re proper and necessary.
ToLet go of unnecessary sex rules that don’t serve you. You decide what’s really important to you, and drop the rest.
Steve Pavlina
THE NAKED NIGERIAN 