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Challenges of getting married to a strict born again Christian

They can be boring. No room for fun Always serious face. Hardly play with family

They do not know how to handle women . Most strict pastors spent their youthful days avoiding dating and friendships with ladies in general so as not to commit adultery.

They are fault finders . They go about looking for offence. Every thing is a sin.

They are not romantic They grew up avoiding ladies. They are not used to giving hugs and kisses. They only know one position. Anal sex is a sin. Only accepts style is missionary. The mouth is for praising God name and not oral.

They can be routinal .. They have a structured life style. Easily predictable. Wife feel bored.

Lack of emotional intimacy. Wife is emotionally starved. His priorities are in the things of the lord. Time for heart to heart discussion and he is quoting Bible.

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nigeria relationship

To the bestie that fell in love with me

I wanted us to be just friends and I told you from the very start. Some how we got closer.You began to feel something for me. I did not notice at first. Your jealousy increased I played it cool. Now you have opened up. I know Iy must have been difficult for you to . Now I cannot pretend any longer. We need to talk about it .

I do not have to pretend to feel the same way as that would be dishonesty on my part. I do not want to turn you down abruptly. For that would bring an end tovthe wonderful friendships.The awkwardness is what I am trying to manage now so we need loose everything.

I am sorry If I gave you any signal that I would be interested in taking decision is to the next level.

I need your affirmation that you can handle and accept the situation without feeling embarrassed and return to normal friendship without avoiding each other.

I promise not to tell any third party about this disclosure.I would tune down any flirting signs I might be giving unknowing

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childhood family life nigeria relationship

How not to obey your parents

Two ears ago, My uncle summoned his children on his sick bed and instructed the first son to take over his law firm. This was the same son who resented studying law and only studied the course to please the dad. The same dad has asked him to forfeit his personal ambition.

The young man was literally unhappy as he managed the firm. He obeyed bitterly. He poured out his aggression on the entire staff.  

Obedience should be done out of love rather than duty. When an act is carried out of duty, the relationship with those around is diminished. 

I had to tell him that he was not bound to his late father wish. He could simply employ a trusted fellow to manage the firm while he supervises periodically.

Children should be made to do things out of duty in the beginning.As they grow up, duty should be gradually replaced by love. Love is a better teacher than obligation.  Duty is mechanical and externally motivated by a sence of obligation . Love makes it easier. Love transform responsibility to joy. A sence of  duty warmed by a love for humanity creates the best result.

I have seen a girl  reject suitor so they can take care their aging parents. While the act is commendable,It should be done out of love and not out of society expectation so she doesn’t regret it taking care of aged parent should be done from the bottom of her heart and not as a debt she owes you.  

The factory worker who constantly looks at the clock for it to be five o click to drop his tools work out of duty and not out of love .  Such a man will have lots of regret when he finally retires. Christianity is one religion built out of love rather than a sence of duty. God love the world that he gave his son……He did not owe the world. No one would punnish him for non compliance.To  be a great teacher, begin by loving children. To be a great auto-mechanic, begin by loving automobile.

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feminism nigeria relationship

Battle of the sexes

Women need men to rule over them

Like sheep with a dead brain

Logic used to strip her off power

In an effort to maintain male dominance

Public participation an embargo

Officiating in religion a sin against God

Tertiary education a financial waste

Rearing of children,her reason for been made

Trading her own punny is not right

Whereas men exchange money for physical might

Men make the rules .Men have the final say 

Abide by the unfair system, follow the way

Gets raped amidst struggle and cries

Her virginity taken ,her dignity her pride

Difficult to proof,justice to be denied

Threatened into silence she hides the crime

Atrocity committed by her dad she Trust most

Without pills, without raincoat

Seed begins to germinate. Stomach potrudes

She wants it terminated.but that is a taboo

Shamed for considering abortion

Men only concern is more population

Her body is a decision to be made by society

Her freewill taken,yet another cruelty

Forced to become a single mother

With all its shame and stigma

Social distanced like one with covid nineteen

“Do not be like her” mothers warn their kids

The men do not desire second hand property

She bears it all alone amidst poverty

Develops a passionate hatred for male

Seeks listening ear to tell her tale

Find solace among fellow victim

Under an umbrella of bitter feminist

Relieved to discover she is not lonely

Now she got a chance to tell the world her story

Whom do we blame

Male or female

Power abused yields anarchy

Power used in fairness improves loyalty

The hunted hunts the hunter

Grudge not! Enjoy the karma

Categories
family nigeria relationship

So a priest should not watch a reality show

It was a shock to many Nigerians that a priest would mention the names of Big brother Naija house mates while preaching the sermon. Someone said “he should be preaching against it rather than talk about it. “

That means he used to watch it

Religion leaders are perceived as the Hallmark of Holiness and sex related crimes are regarded as the highest form of sin in Nigeria. For a person that is highly regarded as an icon of morals to be associated with immorality is a scandal. Let’s examine the underlying assumption

Big brother Nigeria is a reality show and not a porn show . BBnaija as it is fondly called is a live reality TV show like Ultimate search, where young men and women share a flat and are asked to work together. Psychologist have suggested that when persons come together to perform activities together, a bond is likely to develop. This bond can lead to love or lust and consequently sexual activities. This sexual activities make up a little percentage of the entire activities in the house. But because the average Nigerian is obsessed with sex, we often exaggerate a minute sexual act .To classify BBNAIJA as porn show because of a minute sexual act is like throwing away the baby with the bath water . There is no Hollywood script today without an erotic scene. The popular James bond movie showed traces of nudity .

We can learn life lessons from BB Naija . The current life triangle between Erica, Laycon and Kiddway can provide a vital lesson to young men and women experiencing relationship issues. At times we are torn between Two choices, going for a nice person whom loves us very much or one whom we love but does not really care about us. Watching how Erica decision ended can guide us in taking our own decision.

ARE THERE CERTAIN ISSUES A CLERGY SHOULD ABSTAIN FROM? Gone are the days when clergy are excepted from participating in worldly activities. Today, religious leaders are fully involved in every area of life. Our current vice President is a senior pastor in one of the Pentecostal churches actively involved in politics. Reverend Father Mbaka has been a constant predictor of political events. Prophet T.B Joshua is known for his prophecies on soccer. Pastors are not different from us. They had their interest as human. While we chose to specialise in health, engineering, buissness, banking,etc,a pastor chose to focus on religion. An engineer can be a Barcelona fan.A pastor can too. Putting on a white cassock does not mean they should kill off all their interest. Asking them to hide off their personal interest from the public creates a hypocrite out of them all. One who loves reality shows before ordination would still love it after ordination.

Pastors can watch BBNAIJA what makes a sin depends more on the motive than the act itself. In law, the motives must be prooved before one can be convicted of a crime. The question Why should a pastor watch the program? Great parents understand the importance of using activities that the children find interesting in other to create a bond and teach the child. Some fathers create time on Saturday evening to play soccer with their child to motivate their child to teach perfection with practice. Some mothers watch cartoon Network with their children and use the characters to teach morals. What is wrong in a religious father using the interest of the parishioners to explain certain biblical concept to the parishioners. I see a priest telling men to be silent whenever the woman gets upset and insultive. He used Laycon to illustrate the advice . This advice can save lots of relationship. Many of us run to our religious leaders for relationship advice .

The Bible prohibit us from casting judgement . Classify one as immoral does not make such person immoral but shows our need to look morally superior to that person..

Categories
life relationship

OF Walls and Bridges

Whenever we meet a stranger, we try to evaluate the person in terms of our perception. We try to see what we share in common. The more similarly,the tendency to open ourselves more to friendship. We reserve a space  for those who share our family, language, ethnicity and expand it to those who share our hobbies,job, religion etc. This  common trait enable us build bridges beyond ourselves and those outside of us .

In the same way, when the dissimilarities are more, we create a barrier . We do not include them in our circle . We create imaginary wall. We hold our emotion so tight .

We are consciously or unconsciously connecting with people or saperating from them.The boss who isolates himself from the  workers treating them as  human machine  is building a wall of saperation . The master who offers a word of appreciation,, ask how the children are doing  builds bridges of connection. Every wall we build breeds a new wall . 

Whatever keeps us from reaching out to people is a wall. It could be sence of superiority, wall of selfishness, intolerance, group,fear etc

To curb this, we should see ourselves first as human and admit that the other is a living being like us. Developing closeness to the entire human. Seeing ourselves in terms of this group or that group obstructs us from a wider identity as human beings. We should refrain from getting so attached to our religion or group as that would blind us from seeing the value of another religion. We can take a cue from doctors and red Cross members who offer assistance to injured without inquiring about the patient group. Our motive should be universal compassion and desire to alleviate the suffering of others.

Categories
nigeria relationship

Before we get too serious

There is something I have been wanting to tell you but do not have the courage to look you in the face . I guess the best way to go about is through the pen .

The first time I set my eyes on you, I fell in love with you. I never believed in love at first sight until I met you. We have been dating for sometime now.

I brought out my lovable side, my strength to you so I could win your love in return.  In the process, I hid my weaknesses from you.   you do not know the real me . I am scared you would flee if I do reveal my true self.  Our relationship is getting serious and it gladdens my heart. At the same time,I feel true friends deserve to be authentic to each other. Morever, I may not be able to conceal my less appealing side any longer.

If you are expecting an ideal partner, I am afraid you got the wrong guy. I will not always be the one to dry your tears. Yes I would hurt you but It would never be out of malice but oversight and ego.I would make you cry attimes.you should take me as I am not asyou desire me to be.

I may look  always self sufficient and  confident, underneath, I I am insecured. I have learnt to conceal my true feeling like a man. I have this ability to sweet talk you and promise you heaven in other to make you feel better or get you to do something for me. I may not be able to deliver.

I am working on myself to be a better person. I will try to make you happy by trial and error . I  need your feedback to tell me how you desire to be loved as I may not be able to read your mind.

Never expect me to apologise to you in public . I got my ego to protect but I will always achnowledge my wrong while I am alone with you.

Attached are the phone number of my former partners. You may contact them for more information about me. Review my history and decide with your eyes wide open before we take a step forward. I will not disappoint you if you know me as a falliable person. I would be extremely glad knowing you would accept my flaws and fault. I would not hold it against you should you decide to call it off though. I expect your feedback in two weeks time.

How would you respond to this letter?

Categories
relationship

Monogamy is not for everyone

Marriage is an individual choice and not a collective one. The government has no business regulating how I use my genital.  It is mine and mine alone.  I decide who I choose to get married to . I can decide to share it with a single person or a married person.  It is  my freedom to choose to be a celibate or be married.   While married, I decide with my partner whether to make it open relationship or monogamy.

Marriage is not for everyone. There are people who are happier single. I mean those who are do introverted that they cannot tolerate a very long time without feeling drained. There are people who prefer long distance relationship with few visits and frequent absence rather than continued presence.  those whose high attention sexual urge cannot be satisfied by any one individual. There are others who dislike the boredom of sticking to one  partner scares the hell out of them. Variety is the spice of life.The fun of experimenting with various sizes and  types thrills them. There are yet another group whose need for independence and freedom makes them dislike the idea of  consulting with another before making decision.  There is another group that  love to be in motion. They wake up one morning and decide to relocate to another state only to explore another culture the next year. Traveling is their hobby and getting married with kids hinders that . Settling down is like a death trap. Flowing water is cleaner. Stagnant water attracts mosquitoes and other microorganism.

Human needs are various. the concept of getting married does not fit into their ideal future. They are better off single or in an open relationship. imposing  monogamy marriage on them will choke them. Their partner and children would suffer . Cheating is bound to occur. The fact that cheating still exist means we should question the effectiveness of monogamy and possibility of open marriage.

Investment experts would advice you never to put all your eggs in one basket to mitigate against risk. Economic  expert suggest diversification and not depending on only crude oil. Why don’t we  Apply  the same analogy to our own emotional life.   Risk is mitigated when we stop expecting one person to be our confident, sexual satisfier ,friend, mother of children etc. Can we consider open marriage and celibacy as alternative to monogamy

Categories
life relationship world

In memory

While I was away from you,.

my world did not stop to move

.why I  showered you my wholehearted love

Still remains a mystery yet unsolved.
We weren’t meant o last forever

But to propel each other to a heights greater
While we were apart , 

I became much happier and better
The land is greener on my side

I wish you a glorious ride