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emotion family nigeria relationship women

The beauty of Divorce

You tried all you could to make the relationship work. Family members, friend a pastors intervened. You sought the wise counsel of experts. Yet, the yelling and fighting doubled. The relationship is irredeemable. You throw in the towel. A part of you feel bad for letting go.

When two individuals are unity, their combined energy is greater than the sum of the individual energy. It would take a greater force to pull this bond apart. The greater the bond that exist between the two, the greater the destructive energy released. The split of an atom causes great explosion. This knowledge is used in nuclear science to create bombs.

In any human relationship that involves a break up be it husband- wife, employee- employer, business partners etc,emotions are released. In most cases, such separation causes hatred among the individual. This leads to litigation. Courts cannot heal the emotional wounds of departing members. Court creates a winner and a looser. It increases the wound of one. No two persons go to court and remain friends. The dissolution of marriage leads to a great deal of anger and resentment towards the significant order.

The societal stigma towards divorced persons is not helping matters. Divorce is viewed with the same negative lens we used to see failure. Failure is perceived as terrible while success is celebrated. This notion is distorted. A wise man once said that failure teaches us while success tests us. we learn more from our mistakes. It is vital to pay attention to our teachers to enable us to pass the examination life throw at us. To view every failure as a lesson learnt enable us to begin to change our perspective of divorce.

We can begin to examine the previous relationship from the position of an observer like one acting in a script. This will enable us to discover mistakes without emotional bias. You may have noticed that your majority of the disagreement was based on money. You were a spender while your partner was a saver. Furthermore, you accuse himm of being too frugal while he insulted you for being extravagant. Perhaps, you enjoyed the social gathering and resented him for not taking you out while your spouse would rather stay at home with his laptop. He wants to watch soccer while you preferred a live TV show. You know nothing about his automobile spare part business. He has no clue about the trending design in the fashion industry needed for your boutique. Both of you are from two different planets. You realized that your values differ. You wondered how you never saw these discrepancies earlier.

Now you no longer blame him completely. You saw the signs earlier but chose to ignore it. You had a role to play. Yo no longer play he victim card.Next time, you will take these little details into consideration. You will discuss them with him before committing. Now,you are wiser. You will no longer attract a partner with similar attribute. wise enough not to attract a similar partner.

Detached examination helps us to reorganize our top priorities in human relations. You thank your ex for the invaluable lessons he has taught you. The relationship is over for good. You have to shut the door, so the universe can usher in a better partner. The failed relationship prepares you to be more matured in subsequent ones.

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emotion feminism gender nigeria relationship sex women

Prerequisite for Sex

What’s Wrong With Sex?
Is there anything wrong with two people coming together and just having sex — for fun — without first having an emotionally intimate relationship (assuming safe sex is practiced of course)?

I was raised to believe the answer to this is yes, that there is something wrong with it.

As a sophomore in high school, I had to write a school paper on why premarital sex was wrong. I did the assignment and regurgitated what I needed to get an A.

Privately I had doubts about what I was taught. And of course I went ahead and had premarital sex anyway, which turned out to be a lot of fun with no guilt or regret.

Looking back, I think I would have preferred to get an F on that assignment and had more fun instead. 🙂

Your sexual orientation does not define you

Today I see absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for fun, as long as it’s done safely and consensually. I think those who feel that sex is wrong, dirty, or immoral are terribly repressed. I’ve never met a genuinely happy person that felt this way about sex. Perhaps if such people just got laid more often, they wouldn’t be so grumpy.

Prerequisites for Sex
What prerequisites do we actually need to engage in sex? A willing partner is really all that’s required. If you have a willing partner, you can have sex.

Serious rocket science here, eh?

Just to be clear, let’s assume your body and your partner’s body are physically capable of having sex as well.

All other rules, constraints, and requirements arise from social conditioning and are therefore unnecessary.

You don’t need to be married or in a committed relationship.

You don’t need to be dating.

You don’t need to be in love.

You don’t need an opposite-sex partner.

You don’t need to be exclusive with your partner.

Your partner doesn’t need to be exclusive with you.

You don’t need to be programmed in multiple techniques.

You don’t even need to have met the other person first.

All you need is consent.

Technically speaking, even your partner’s consent is a socially conditioned prerequisite, but I think it’s one we should maintain. The alternative is illegal, unethical, and hurtful. We can certainly enjoy sex without resorting to rape. Acting out your kinky fantasies, on the other hand, can still be completely consensual.

How many extra rules do you have in your head about what’s required for you to have sex above and beyond the most basic?

Society make prostitution illegal and shames the women involved

How are those rules working for you? Are you delighted with the results they’re producing?

Do your rules make it easy for you to enjoy the sexual experiences you desire? Or are they simply getting in the way and blocking you?

Do you realize that you have the freedom to choose the rules you want to keep as well as those you’d rather dump?

I’m not suggesting that you need to lower your standards to the absolute minimum. I’m simply suggesting that you take a good, conscious look at your current rules and requirements for having sex, and consider whether they’re helping you or hurting you.

Personally I have pretty high standards for when I will and won’t have sex. These standards, however, are ones I’ve chosen because I’m happy with them. I don’t maintain standards just because everyone else feels they’re proper and necessary.

Sex in the car?

ToLet go of unnecessary sex rules that don’t serve you. You decide what’s really important to you, and drop the rest.

Steve Pavlina

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authentic emotion family feminism gender life nigeria relationship sex women

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

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authentic emotion feminism gender life nigeria relationship women

Distorted perception of Love

The uneducated man who sponsors a girl throughout school in to marry her should examine his conscience. A selfless lover would notice a potential in her and desire to develop such talent via educating her. The moment he begins to guilt-trip her into marriage, he becomes a selfish lover. His generosity no longer counts as an act of kindness. He is only using her to satisfy his desire to own(marry) an educated person. He desires to improve his perceived status among his uneducated peers for marrying one of a higher status. He is no different from the rich man who gives while making a public show of it. The lady on the other hand desires a man to help her achieve her goal to be educated. She had to pretend to be love him to achieve her goal. There was no love. Each person only desired to use the other. The lady only outsmarted him in the selfish web. Some readers said he would have married her first before spending a dime on her. . It changes nothing. It does not guarantee a happy union. Who says she will not catch feelings for another person ? Who says she will not seek divorce later? It only transforms the problem. We need to examine our perception of love.

Love is freedom

Marriage is born of selfish love. We so often fall into the trap that the other person belongs to us. This simply can never be true. We love based on how useful the other person is to us. Husbands use their wives. Wives use their husband. The Hausa phrase I naso ki” is translated as I love you or I want you. If we love someone, we must desire to have such a person. If I see a flower, I must pluck the flower or I purchase the land. If I love a girl, I must own the girl by marriage. Bride price is a sign of ownership. This notion of love is distorted.

He has to prevent her from catching feelings for another man. Rather than giving love space and room to breathe, he clings to it, desperate to make the feeling stay. He has to continue providing all her needs, satisfying her in bed and protect her from harm, so she doesn’t think of someone else. Jesus said sexual thought is adultery. He doesn’t want this to happen. He lives in constant fear of loosing her. This, of course, is counterproductive.
Love requires trust,. To love someone is to allow them to be their Authentic self. He suffocates her with his love. She desires to be free from him.

Mutual Love is ideal

The concept of monogamous marriage is a prison we create. It is ok to be in a monogamous relationship. It is alright to prioritize one relationship over a period of time but to remain in one forever is a disaster. Ancient man know it is impossible to stick to one partner forever. He misses his young moment of wooing various girls. The challenge of winning her love thrills him. To avoid this, Early man permitted polygamy. But he did not allow the girl to enjoy the same freedom. Rather, he taught her to cover all her flesh whenever she went out so other men do not admire his goods. She should not display an iota of Skin to the preying eyes of men. If she disobeys, she is called a slut. Her beauty is no longer hers. Her husband owns her. He explores his sexuality while denying her hers. Her body desires another even if it is for a moment. She needs someone else to spice up her routine sex life. She desires a new style, a new person. She engages in a one-night stand. Cheating arises from the body desire to escape from the societal cage. She is accused of being unfaithful to her husband. She alone knows how much she still loves her husband. Her heart is capable of loving more than one.

Are you t
in love?

God is Love, and we are created in the image of love. The human soul is capable of loving so many but incapable of owning them all. True love is selfless. False love is selfish.

John 3: 16 tells us that God loved the world that he gave…….

God proved his love for humanity by sacrificing for the benefit of humanity. True love is in giving a part of oneself for the benefit of that which he loves. False love seeks to own the object of love. False love uses the object of love to satisfy his own need.

Marriage of today is based on false love. Women use men to satisfy her desire for a child, financial security etc. Men use women to satisfy his sexual urge and render domestic service. We ban prostitution. Marriage is legalized prostitution. Sex is traded for bride-price. The difference is the duration and sincerity. Prostitute has no feeling for you and you know it. In marriage, you both think you are in love when you love with the benefit the relationship brings. Take away those benefits and fight increases.

As long as a price is attached to the bride, she will be regarded as a property. African feminist should consider a campaign against bride-price

When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

Marriage can be a prison. Divorce is an escape. Choose your cellmate wisely

One can love another without desire to be in a relationship with such a person. One can give to another without any intention of getting married to such a person. Relationship is a desire to grow together with the person. When the other person desire to grow in a different direction, one can only admire from a distance or support the person in whatever form one chooses.

To truly love means to allow your partner the freedom to be.
To release the fear that they will stop choosing you and move on to another, to relinquish control and simply focus on being the absolute BEST version of you.

Choose love over possession.

Love is freedom. Love is not possessive.
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emotion ethics facts feminism gender nigeria relationship women

Does it make her cheap

The long standing question has always been, “Does it make a woman cheaper if she lets a man sleep with her on the first date?” “Does it make her less of a woman?” The answers definitely differ depending on different women and men. I should say, if a woman believes that sleeping with a man on the first date makes her cheaper then that’s it, that’s her perception but then if she thinks it doesn’t make make her cheaper, then why not. Surprisingly, it doesn’t even seem to matter what women themselves think of this, because even though a woman take weeks or months saying no to this man, when she finally gives in,she will still be termed as cheap, it doesn’t make sense, does it? Society always finds a way to put women in a corner, but what about the men? I haven’t even heard of a man that’s called cheap because he spent a night with a stranger!!! In fact, they even get praised for this, but then for women, slut shaming is all they get out of the experience.




Sex is a choice people make due to attraction,adulthood and probably other personal reasons. This whole stereotype leaves me baffled and with so many questions but among them is, “What does it make men?” Is it only women having sex on the first date,do they do it single handedly? Men are equally involved. Why should women be termed cheap, aren’t men just like them? Why are women being judged for something men also do? Wait, are men special, some kind of special that women are not? Ha, I doubt, I think it’s just a society that’s obsessed with manipulating women!




Sex shouldn’t be termed as bad according to gender, to start with, sex is not even a bad thing! Well maybe according to belief and religion, all religions I know speak against sex that’s not within the bounds of marriage, but yet again,who are we to question people,we should leave all this to God. None of us, neither you nor I, have the right to judge anyone for the choices they’re making, henceforth at no point should women be the only ones answerable for sex on the first date unless it wasn’t consensual.

BY ANONYMOUS

Model peace forum

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nigeria

WONDERFUL PARTNER, TERRIBLE FAMILY

Typically a genuine life story I would like to share in a different way.

Your partner is goal oriented and emotionally stable. He neither smokes nor drinks and he speaks slowly picking his words carefully in attempt not to use a hurtful word. Each time he struggles to talk about his family.  He was quick to change the subject like they never existed. I  could sense he is not comfortable whenever I insisted on paying them a visit.

Should you break up with your partner because of their toxic family

Finally, he agrees to take you home. You are nervous whether they will like you amour not. His own anxiety was thrice yours. Looking forward for the slightest reason to cancel the journey. He sees you were insisting on going. Finally,you arrive the place and noticed five persons packed in a little cubicle. You perceived an awful smell from the small apartment. His younger brother greeted you holding a wrap of wrapped weed in his hand. That should have been a signal but you overlooked it.

Then you noticed their tone in speaking. The father yelling at the mum “Go bring an extra cup”. He gets angry over little or nothing and has no regard for his wife in public. You ask how your partner was as a child, each person used the opportunity to list their little achievement. They were competing for attention
To say that I was shocked was an understatement. Your partner could see the shock in your eyes and tried to remedy the situation only to get a thunderous.

His mum presented a keg of local alcoholic wine but he gently told her that I do not drink. She fumed with dissapintment like one whose marriage proposal was rejected.
“Can’t you do something right for once’?
This time, it was his mum yelling at him for using a fork to eat the EBA. She was trying to project her anger somewhere else.The household find it difficult to cope with rejection.
He gently dropped the cutlery and used his hands in an attempt not to worsen an already terrible day.

After what looks like hours, you finally take your leave earlier than imagined.
You are glad you finally left. You are curious how your partner manages to turn out different from his family members. How he grew up in a difficult, destructive family to a productive compassionate young man. You love your partner nevertheless buy you know you cannot take his family as your family. You would never like to spend an hour near them again. They would drain your energy. You are willing to proceed with the marriage plans If he promises never to get them involved in your marital life physically or otherwise. Is that practical?

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emotion family nigeria relationship women

Divorce Marketer

A reader asked me how much the devil paid me to promote divorce . she reminded me that family unity should be promoted over saperation. She lamented that my articles encouraged readers to. Seek Marriage annulment over the slightest provocation.   I  smiled at her assumption. The truth is ; I am neither for marriage nor for divorce. Rather, I am pro freedom, pro happiness and pro choice

Every blessed day, I see married persons secretly involved in adultery. I see couple in an unpleasant union but reluctant to dissolve it and unable to make it better. I see women who have lost their voice and power. I see individuals sacrificing their life for their partner who does not acknowledge them.

Studies Shows that unhappiness leads to    diseases. This follows that these individuals are gradually feeling themselves to their grave. An unsatisfied marriage is detrimental to their life. Saperating oneself from such source of disease is necessary to save their life.A surgeon simple removes a life threatening tumor from the body. Wisdom tells us to divorce When your partner is a continuous trigger of grief. Our fear of public perception and fear of acknowledging failure keeps us stuck in an unsatisfied relationship. When the parents are always quarrelling, the child is hurt. The Bible tells us that God destroyed the world when human sinned and made God sad.

I am not concerned about your marriage status or your sexual life. I care about ones feeling. I want each person to priotise his/her emotional needs enough to detach oneself from the trigger of your sorrow and take more responsibility for one’s life. The message is to take decisions based on one’s own thought and feelings and make changes as we grow rather than hand over our power to an external body. We can create the life we wants and not one based on societal expectation.

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family feminism gender relationship

Laws of being a side chick ( just for laugh)

Being honest with myself, I have never really been on the high ground when it comes to morality, or rather, what the society defines as morality. I support abortion, I wouldn’t throw a rock on anyone who does it. I show skin….a lot when I dress up and I love my body so much.

Once again, sis is here to sound ‘immoral’.

Hello moral police of the society, I hope you well, here and cheers to more future fights.

So…sidechick-ing. Quite an intriguing idea.

Let’s all note this fact, a side chick is not a home-wrecker. Or a mistress. She is nothing more than a side dish. More like desert, or those meals that you get served at a restaurant before the main course, let’s be honest, aren’t they the sweetest?

Before we go any further, I would just like to say that this article is penned down by a proud hypothetically…side chick. One that doesn’t live by the moral guidelines of the society or what the society regards as conventional as a means to soothe their ego.

Lots of us in our twenties have the rush to find the perfect man, but really, is there a perfect man? Are you a perfect man?

Being a side chick means you giving out something that the number one woman isn’t, let’s all admit that to some level, this is flattery. But being a side chic is hell of a task, juggling the innocently clueless girlfriend, scandals and drama, headache and a never ending love triangle. But who knows, you may eventually be the main, don’t count on this though, just have fun.

Self-made rules to being a side chick.

Always keep the secret.

LOL.
Keep your mouth shut even from your best friend. This whole affair is clandestine, nobody wants to hear your story. You are a secret, your relationship is a secret and letting it out there would just ruin the fun. Learn to stay in your lane always.

 You may find yourself in situations that may twist your mind to make you think you need to admit that you are a side chick, do not! Let the man be the one to do it, if he wants to. With millennial, you may have the urge to profess this affair on social media, don’t listen to that devil please. Nobody wants to hear about your coastal vacation with the man who’s involved with nani (who) Rule numero uno!

Stay away from PDA’s

FOR POSTING HIS HAIR. HAHA
You just can’t go public with him no matter how much you want to. Without secrecy your relationship is dead. Lol. Honestly, you do not want to go out displaying affection to the guy we know is dating who. Unless you want to give the public a show. It may get messy real quick.

Set the goals for the relationship and stick to them.

A man can date his soul mate a secret for his whole life and keep it a secret, and so he will have no problem keeping a secret of you. Set the goal for the relationship and keep it a secret. Have funn.

Avoid drama like you avoid covid-19

When someone hears the word side chick, what rings in their mind is drama. If you are a drama queen, take it to the movies please. Be the safe haven, where he comes to find peace and safety. Thou shall never leave behind, a scent, a nail, an earring, a bra or a piece of hair for the main chick to uncover and cause drama.

Do not, I repeat, do not ask him for money.

Do not litter this ‘relationship’ with tenets of quid pro quo principle. This may sound ironic but never ask this man for money otherwise you will end up feeling like a cheap prostitute who gives out sex for money. Make the relationship all about fantasies. Offer that which ye cannot get from any other. If you desperate, find ways of outsourcing that cash but never ever ask him for money.

Avoid falling at all costs

You’d not want to be in something toxic, and remember that when you were getting into this, you agreed that there would be no strings attached. Now this may seem like the simplest rule and when you look at that man you feel like you have your reasons for falling for him. Or that you are too ambitious and looking forward to be a main chick.Strong feelings may develop, just make sure that feeling is not love.  Do not fall for him!!  

Do not get pregnant.

This man is not yours. Now at 20something you don’t plan on getting a baby for your boyfriend, don’t risk it with a guy who just wants to satisfy his fantasies. Have fun, stay safe…from corona and accidental pregnancies.

Get into this fully knowing the risks of being a side chick and do not concern yourself with this guy’s main. Otherwise, have fun .

Mancrine jangu

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emotion nigeria relationship women

Relationship mission

Several years ago,I was squating with a relation before I could get my own apartment. During the buisness news, the husband lamented how the market capitalisation had dropped down and how the change in government had led to uncertainty among investors. He predicted a decline in the market share price in the next few years.  His wife nodes her head like she was following only to say moments later.

I like the style of her blouse.

I could see the dissapointment in the husbands face. He found it difficult to engage in social- economic discussion with the wife. Here he was discussing serious issues and she was interested in a piece of clothing material.  Both of them were from two different worlds.

Today,I heard they were involved in divorce litigation. He was accused of committing adultery. was not surprised. She was a fashion designer with many apprentice working for her. He was a financial analyst .

The relationship was dead from the beginning. It was only a matter of time before it could manifest.We must always be in relationship with like minded individuals as this motivates us in our day to day life. Our partner shapes our life and our thoughts. When we exchange ideas and values with those who have similar goals and inspirations it plays an important role in our

Have you ever wondered why most men get involved in an affair with their co- worker. This is because both spend time sharing their thoughts on similar project. They are like partners. From official discussion to semi- official discussion. From there , It leads to personal discussion. From there, It leads to relationship discussion. He is more open to her than he is to the wife . The affair did not start the day they had their first kiss. Then he says ” If I had met you earlier, I would not have gotten married to my wife.

That sounds harsh but it is reality . He was moved by her beauty when he met her but today, he has learnt that there is more to physical appearance. He desires one he can communicate freely on issues of similar interest.Their work-life and interest are miles apart. Nothing brings them together.

Relationship is no longer about two individuals who want to get married and raise kids.because they have come of age or teaming up to meet our basic need of food, shelter, sex etc Relationship is about one person who is on a mission and discovers another person who is on a similar mission and they team up to embark on facing the challenges together .Relationship is a journey not a destination.Your partner inspire you to become a better version of your self. Not all relationship should lead into marriage. A relationship Should make you better version of yourself while pursuing the mission. The mission is the focus of the relationship and not the partner. You do not complete your partner or look for a partner to complete you. No, you focus on something outside yourselves .

The mission could be to render legal services to those who cannot provide one or to design a more efficient way of generating electricity or reform the lives of ex convicts or to impact values and principles to preteens or to spread the Marxist philosophy to the world or to build a mediation center for conflict resolution or to speak for the freedom of the oppressed.You grow with your partner. When the mission is a long term mission of over twenty years , They may decide to get married. Marriage should never be the mission for any relationship. Marriage may be introduced for long term journey .

If you discover you are on a different path from your partner,do not hurriedly leave the relationship. Ask her  to list her  about twenty activities she likes to do. List twenty hobbies you enjoy too .Find the hobbies you both enjoy together. If  it is music, start singing together. Compose a song Individually and sing it on your anniversary. The point is consciously create a life by engaging in activities together. Ensure It is something you both enjoy so no one feels burnt out. Reignite the spark.

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family feminism gender life nigeria relationship women world

Diverging mission behind divorce

Just as a child graduates from high school into college, his priorities shift. The courses he takes become more narrow. He drops some classmates behind and retain few classmates who share the same college preference and same course. We do not go remain in high school out of loyalty to our friends.

As we age, our values, hobbies job etc changes. This is a sign of growth.one whose priority remain constant is stagnant like a child who fails to learn . Our choice of life partner also change.

A partner is one who embark on a similar journey with us. As our priority changes, that of our partner may remain the same or change in a different direction. One partner is taking a leap in one direction and the other partner is watching while giving her full support . There are other relationship where the other partner discourage you from keeping up to your new ideal.you no longer feel connected. You become incompatible . Just because you are in a union does not mean you must follow our partner as he/ she changes her priorities

We find ourself finding time together with some else on a similar path and less time with our partner . We become more open to new partner there all boundaries are broken. We begin to fall in ln love with the new person. Afterward comes a sence of guilt. We feel we are cheating on our partner. When we are with him,we are happy. Afterwards,we are ashamed of ourself. Our shame comes from having made a vow to love one person forever. Our guilt comes from the society conditioning that we should only love our partner and no be me else. we are left in a dilemma: to honor our feeling and continue with this our new friend or continue living in a lovelessness marriage and deny ourself the opportunity to grow .

We feel guilty for cheating on our partner. This cheating arises because we do not totally tell our partner what is happening with the other person A committed relationship involves honest and humble individual who understand that their partner could fall out of love with activities and people one used to be with . When such happens, one absorbs the partner of blame knowing fully well that change is part of nature . Feelings are not always predictable. We may feel hungry at odd time.we may be happy one minute and sad the next minute for no apparent reason. We should feel acknowledge our feeling and express them to our partner . To get attracted to someone else beside our partner is not a taboo. When the partner understand that we are matured enough to emphasize with them as they express their pleasant feelings and experience with a new colleague without feeling jealous or judgemental, She/he would be more willing to open up her heart to you. This communication can make us understand our partner more,lead to greater intimacy and makes the other person feel safe and secure.

Whenever one wants to be with the other person.we let them embark on the journey.We communicate our feeling openly and arrive at a mutual agreement of divorce than to live in denial with all it’s lies and betrayal. A monogamous relationship does not necessarily mean we own our partner.It is not a life sentence. It is a process for growth. Letting go can become a gain rather than a loss when it leads us to our higher self.we can still retain the friendship while taking time to grow . Sticking to a union that does not lead to a higher growth can be detrimental to our wellbeing

The best relationship is the relationship where each promise to tell the truth even when it hurts. Cheating arises when one begins to hide the truth because our partner may not be able to handle it. Not all relationship are meant to last forever. Some relationship are meant to propel us to a greater height. Some relationship brings out hidden potential in us we never new existed. Another relationship improves on that potential. No monogamous relationship is a failure. Each has one lesson to teach us. It takes wisdom to know when a relationship has served its purpose and move into a new one.

We should not just bail out of every relationship. We should be sure that the reason for unfulfimment in the union does not arises out of faults. Rather, we discover we no longer derive Joy in activitiess we used to . One partner has encountered a change in Religion and we cannot tolerate that .We feel lonely in the presence of our partner and alive in the presence of another without any reason . We should examine ourself to know whether we are in the union out of fear or out of love. Are we scared of what people we say when I leave? Am I scared of loosing certain previledges? We cannot truely grow in an environment of fear

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nigeria

What type of relationship are you into?

This is a blog post I culled . Hope you can relate

Dating today is so confusing, in my day if you went out with someone, spent time with them and talked on the phone on a daily basis you were dating. Plain and simple. Not so today.

People can be “talking” which means that they are not talking to or seeing anyone else but they aren’t quite ready to make anything official with a label like boyfriend or girlfriend.

 Talking people have sex, but they are not dating. Wow! Then once you are dating, which means you have a label now, then it is probably Facebook official. Once you are Facebook official that’s it, everyone knows then. You are pretty much off of the market at this point. So don’t say you were talking to someone just because you had a conversation, because that could mean a lot more than you think. W

also have our hooking up people, these people just have sex without any emotional connection. It can be one night stands or people that just have sex whenever they want to.

Which leads us to friends with benefits, these people do care about each other, but not in a romantic way, but trust each other enough to have sex with each other. This is all good till someone gets attached. Wow it was just easier when we dated.

I decided to look further into this dating lingo. There is a lot of it out there. I’ll share my research with you. Well apparently a fluffer is a person that prepares someone to be ready for a relationship, but they don’t actually enter in to a relationship with the person. They are people that someone likes to sleep with but they won’t date them. Then the next person they sleep with they do enter in to a relationship with them. So the fluffer is like a rehearsal for the real thing. This sounds like a terrible situation to be in.

Then there are the recyclers that go back to exes. There can be many reasons for this. I just feel that if we left that person for a reason, why would we go back to a relationship that was not healthy. People with healthy relationships usually don’t end them. This can occur because people like comfort so even if the relationship wasn’t great they have history. They know each other and they won’t have to try to get to know another person. I feel like this might be a little lazy. Being use to someone or comfortable doesn’t seem like the best reason to go back or continue a long term relationship.

The terms can get a little cruel at times.

You have benching for instance which means you don’t really want to date someone but you want them on the bench if you need or want them later. If you are lonely and your first string isn’t available, go to the old reliable bench warmer. They aren’t good enough for a relationship but they are ok for a backup plan. Benching sounds cruel and manipulative. You give them just enough communication to keep them on the string.

In the old days this would have been know as stringing someone along. another term that occurs when you are dating someone that doesn’t introduce you to any of their friends or family. You are their secret boyfriend/girlfriend.

For more, contact Berth on datingcrimes.com

This brings us to the catfishing. Catfishing is extremely cruel. This is when someone creates a fake social media account and it is used to scam others. They target an individual and have an online relationship with them. Quickly telling them intimate things about their lives and getting information from their target to use to manipulate them. These are cruel people usually out for some type of monetary gain. I, unfortunately, know several people who have been taken advantage of in this manner. They have lost thousands of dollars to people that said they needed help to get back into the country, or out of a lease so that they can come to them and marry them. So cruel to prey on vulnerable people. These are elaborate scams using pictures of soldiers or other individuals that don’t even know that their pictures are being used for such a devious act.

Ghosting has been around for ages, but we just recently gave it that name. Ghosting is when you are friends or lovers one day and the next day you hear nothing. It’s like you don’t exist to them anymore. What makes this happen? It is so confusing to the one being ghosted. They of course wrack their brain thinking about what they could have possibly done to make their friend just forget about them. Is it worth worrying about, or do we just let go and figure we didn’t matter much to them in the first place. Of course, ideally, we would get some closure in the situation, but some people are too chicken shit to give any closure. They hide and ignore. So cruel. These people tend to have a host of shallow, non emotional friendships that are very surface. There is no depth to them. When someone tries to get too close they just go away. They just let people go like they are disposable. They don’t even have the integrity to explain. 

Zombieing is a by product of ghosting, it is when the ghost returns to your life like they were never gone.

Breadcrumbing is another messed up way to treat people. This is when you pursue someone but you really don’t want to be in a committed relationship. They start out sending text making you feel as though they are vested in the relationship, but they run when things start to get a little to serious. This could lead to you being cushioned, which means that your dating partner will start to openly flirt with others so that you will have an idea that a breakup is coming. They are too chicken shit to break up so they play a sick little game to prepare you.

I’m not sure when things got so devious in the dating world. Was it always like this, we just didn’t see it because we didn’t have social media. It makes it scary to enter that dating pool. Wow so many things going against you. What is wrong with the people that perpetrate these behaviors? Are they people that possess personality disorders or are they just opportunist? What is the deal? Are they people that shouldn’t be involved in relationships, because they are emotionally incapable of being a decent human being? I sometimes think they must be tremendously flawed individuals that have been so hurt in their past that they look at people as pawns to be played with whenever it suits them. Well, my friends, these people can’t get away with that behavior forever. If you are flawed get help, if you don’t want to be in a relationship don’t send mixed signals, don’t play with peoples hearts and heads, because karma is a bitch. One day you will love someone and they will not return those feelings, if you’re lucky they won’t play with you long enough to destroy a part of you. If you aren’t that lucky, you will know exactly how you made someone else feel. Dating didn’t use to be so confusing. Be careful out there my friends, but don’t let the flawed make you lose out on someone

contact Berth at datincrime.com

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nigeria religion

The major reason not to get married.

If marriage were compulsory, Jesus would have done so.I am not against the idea of getting married. I am only saying marriage is not for everyone. The assumption that one can only be fulfilled while married is false . Many propeller of this fallacy quote the Bible to back up their claim.

It is not good for man to be alone

It is not good for anyone to be alone . Eve was to be a companion and not a marriage partner . One can feel alone while being married . The verse only validates the fact that no one is an Ireland. We need someone to lean on . Marriage is a concept created by man to bring order in the society. No one has been arrested for choosing to remain single.

Many of us get married because we need kids. There are many orphans down there craving to get married. Go adopt them . Except off course you are searching for your own child to shower selfish love .

Everyone is meant to have children. Eli the priest was not meant to have children as that would disturb his mission on Earth so his wife womb was shut for years. Having a wife would not affect his goal. After persistent prayer, he finally had a child. He had to choose between disciplining his children or spending time in the church. He chose the later. His children became wayward.

Zaccharia was another priest who had difficulty in having a son.It was not until he was very old that he was permitted too. This tells us that those who are called to work in God institution are not meant to have children as that could affect their work .They are permitted to have a helper, a partner, a wife ,a maid etc.

This brings me to the only reason to get married .We should get married when getting married enables us to achieve our life purpose.

Jesus knew his mission on Earth .He knew it involves wandering from one place to another spreading the message. The stress of travelling with his family all the Tim would slow down his movement. He could not afford to take them to the mountain and through the sea. He knew his message would invoke the wrath of the pharasees who would happily transfer their aggression to his wife and children . Peter who was already married had to leave his wife behind to follow Jesus. His wife must have felt sad as a result. His children must have been angry with their father for being unavailable. It is better not to get married than to abandon your partner midway. one had to pace way for another.

Marriage is settling down . Those whose purpose involve moving around have no business settling down.A Catholic priest could be posted to three different countries in a year as part of missionary work. Relocating their family all the time would prove cumbersome. This is why Catholic priest do not get married. I am not condemning clergy who get married. I only ask that each should examine the nature of his calling. One who is fixed at a particular place to grow an already planted church can marry. Missionaries who go about converting people and planting churches can abstain.

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childhood family feminism life relationship women

Masculine women and Feminine men

When Nollywood actor Pet Edochie fumed at the young men kneeling before a woman, he was backlashed. Pet was comparing happenings in his youthful age against  the youth in this generation. The traditional Igbo man is highly placed in the society. During traditional wedding,the woman kneels down to propose to the man.The one who kneels begs the other for a favor.A typical Igbo man hardly kneels for his fellow man talkless of a woman . He only kneels for the gods who he recognizes as more powerful than he is.

Pet is  not alone. Many men have noticed a decline in the masculinity of men. The Alpha male movement and redpill movement are attempt to correct this imbalance.When did thngs change? When did man begin to loose his ego to stoop so low to kneel before a less powerful being. Was the change sudden or gradual?

Women were seen as irrational and emotional.Men were the rational and strong willed. Men were taught to act like men They had to suppress their emotion close to their heart. Men should never cry in public.  Expression of vulnerability  is a sign of a weak man.  Men are closed minded, rigid and structured. He should not seek fun .Men. Should always be in power, strive for control, compete.They lack empathy necessary for effective communication and connection.

In early days, male children joined their fathers in the river fishing or the forest haunting. Female spent their time with the mothers cooking. Each gender know his role. You hardly see a man in the kitchen or a girl hunting. Men learnt to act like men and women learnt to act like women.Then came the industrial era. Lands meant for farming and hunting was taking over by the government to build factory. The owners of the land were jobless.To offer compensation, the men were integrated as workers in this factory. Their male children were not allowed to follow dad to work.son stays at home with the mum while Dad went to work. Father leaves home as early as eight and comes home by six. He is exhausted, he sleeps to get strength for the next day. Fathers became absent in their son’s life. The role of dad in son life began to reduce while the role of mum in son life began to rise. Mummy passes over her feminine qualities to growing son.

Then came education. Female involvement in  education at an early age especially science and  law improve her reasoning abilities (masculinity) . Female take part in competitive games like the male counterpart. This improves their aggression.These women ended up as heads of organization.They took  decision and gave instructions . These women began to have a thirst of power . Their masculine qualities were awoken.

Girls  who enjoy highly competitive games with a desire to win also increases their aggression (masculinity). We tag such women names like Tomboy. They are ladies with highly developed masculine side and poorly developed feminine side.. Such masculine girls are attracted to  the beta guys. If a man is more masculine in nature,he will be attracted to a very feminine woman who will compliment his energy. Balance men prefer neutral women.. Masculine girls at attracted to a feminine guy or sisi or beta guy . Such guys are few as society teaches guys to wear the Alpha mask. She can only find solace among her fellow feminine women. This is the origin of homosexuality- . Heterosexual are no different from homosexual as both seek balance .

Society has widened this energy balance over the years. Civilisation is bring closing the gap. Homosexual are closer to achieving balance compared to heterosexual. Yet, Homosexuals feel guilty for not complying with society expectation. . There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, for it IS what is. However, we need to bear in mind that society at this time is traumatized due to so many centurie conditioned to comply with that. DO we want to fit in? Until WHEN? We need to learn to Love who we are, while allowing others to be what they want to be. Acceptance is the way of Life.

We should understand that each individual hold masculine and feminine qualities within us. When both qualities are not well alligned, the person is out of balance. The traditional gender roles over the years has created highly masculine males on one hand and highly feminine female on the other side.  we are drawn to certain individual that help us correct these imbalance. These highly masculine males become attracted to highly feminine female.

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africa gender life nigeria relationship religion women

A Christian dad and son conversation on homosexuality

Son: what does the Bible teach about homosexuality and masturbation.

Dad: I do not know and I do not care to know

Son: But you are a Christian

Dad: yes, A Christian who follows the teaching of Jesus. Christ alone and not the Bible.

Son; But Bible contains Jesus teaching

Dad: true. It also contains the teaching of Paul,the teaching of Moses , the teaching of Elijah and many other teaching. As a Christian, I accept the teaching of Jesus Christ.

Son: Ok, Now what did Jesus teach about masturbation and homosexuality.

Dad: Jesus never mentioned any of them literally but he showed us with illaustration how to treat those whose views are different from ours.

Child: How?

Dad: He never condemned the adultrous woman, he visited tax collectors, he dined with sinners. He showered them with love.

Son : does that mean they won’t go to hell?

Dad: would you derive Joy in Watching your loved one in hell?

Son: No I won’t

Dad: good.

Dad: sex is a way of expressing Love. There are different stages of love. The first is love directed to oneself. A child grows up loving himself.Using sexual analogy, the child derives Joy playing with his body, his genital. Jesus said Love thyself.

Son : hmm

Dad: The second is Love of similar specie.The child begins to extend the love to those of closest to him+ family, friend,tribe etc. A boy plays with a boy.A girl plays with a girl. Using sexual analogy, this is homosexual. Christ preached Love your neighbor.

Son : I see

Dad: The third stage of love is where one loves those different from oneself .Jesus said Love your enemy.your enemy is your opponent, opposite,one with a different view. Sexually, one is attracted to the gender different from him.A boy is attracted to a girl and vice-versa.

Son :

Dad: One who hates masturbators and homosexuals and love heterosexual is no different from one who loves others over himself and his peers.Such person is in a third stage of love.

Son : which is the best.

Dad: All of the above.The fourth type. The pansexual. The attraction to all . Self, male, and female. It is universal love. Agape love. Love without condition.

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nigeria

Why is monogamy considered Natural

What is so special in monogamous relationship? If monogamy is natural, why do we struggle at it? No one teaches fish how to swim? Why do we have books on how to avoid cheating? To answer this question,we look at what researchers revealed

Evolutionary scientist David Barish compared monogamy among various animals.

Only 9 percent of mammals practice monogamy

29 percent of primates are monogamous

Before westernisation, 86 percent of indigenous society are no monogamous

Overfamiliarisation with a partner kills a woman libido

30 percent of women have extra-marital affair despite being happy with their marriage.

The numbers are against monogamy. One advantage of monogamy over polygamy is the assurance of a mate for every male. No group of wealthy powerful men can marry off all the women leaving the non powerful men single.. AThe spread of Christianity could be be a dominant factor. Monogamy offers an exclusive sence of ownership each woman on the man rather than having to share him with other women.

Monogamy restricts each party from love and sex with another. Are these two not one of the sweetest feelings? Limited my experience of them should be seen as punnishnent and not something to jubilate to.

In casual friendship, my friend could have other friends beside me and I am cool with that. But in monogamy, It is me and me alone. Any attempt to share love and sex with another is considered cheating. A woman should only love one guy but she can share her love among her children equally. Why can’t she love six men equally? Is this not hypocrisy? It means the heart is capable of loving many but man Jealously choose to limit it to one. In some cases, we argue over what constitutes exclusive acts? Holding hands, seeing one another naked,sharing a bed, kissing etc.

Before we say monogamy is natural, think again.