authentic emotion family feminism gender life nigeria relationship sex women

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

africa gender law nigeria politics Uncategorized world

Before you cast a stone

For the first time in a while, Nigerians from all works of life lent their voice to the ill-treatment carried out by the Special Anti Robbery squad department (SARS) of the National Police Force(NPF). This shows that the people can put aside her differences and unite against a common foe. A true test of democracy is evident when those in power fear the anger of the people and not when the people are scared of those in power.

While it is easy to point accusing fingers, we should be free of committing the same crime we accuse them of. The members of the special anti robbery squad were not imported from a foreign country . They are one of us. They represent a subset of the total population . The action they commit is a reflection of what the average Nigerian is capable of doing in position of power . What differentiate the average Nigerian from SARS is that the later is permitted by law to use force and arms to enforce laws . Many a times, The wealthy ones use her financial strength to influence SARS to bully his adversity. Why are we quick to castigate them when they are tools in our hands .

In our homes,We are worse than SARS when we devalue women as male property and excercise control over their lives. We want to dress how we want while we tell the ladies what to wear. We are worse than SARS when we use her as punching bag. We are worse than SARS when we act like dictators in our home to be feared by the entire household. We are worse than SARS when we maltreat our househelp and prevent her from attending same school with our children . We are worse than SARS when we sexually harras her and threaten her into silence.

We are worse than SARS when we team up to born down the shrine of the elderly man worshipping the gods of his ancestors. We are Worse than SARS when we confine one to psychiatric ward or jail for choosing not to belong to any Religion. We criticize SARS for their brutality against those who wear tatoo while our religious police punnish us for the same act .

We are worse than SARS when we take advantage of our students poor academic performance to lure her to bed.We are worse than SARS when we destroy farmlands and farmers except states donate their land to us to practice our trade . We are worse than SARS when we use our political and financial strength to remove effective but non- submissive governors from seeking reelection . We are worse than SARS when we take official decision favoring one tribe or group at the expense of others.

The security agencies are not the only one guilty of intimidation. Any act of public humiliation, physical attack, disrespectful language,discriminatory comment, or name calling against our subordinate or minority promotes abuse of power. Subtle acts of manipulating the naive for personal gain also fuels oppression. The victim fear reporting the act could be worse than the original form of abuse. This enable perpetrator get away with the crime thereby empowering then to continue the maltreatment. Cowardice on the part of the victim feed tyranny.

Any society that prevents one from critical thinking and promotes submission to a higher power creates an avenue for abuse. This is why many cases of abuse go unreported among security agencies and religion institution .Obey what the boss says whether you agree with him or not and get a chance of getting agents are also victims of abuse by their superior.The anger is suppressed until they find a subordinate they can vent the anger on without any side effect . The junior staff are cruel to their own subordinate until the most junior ranked officer who have no one to be cruel to pass their aggression to civilian . This is why top ranked security agents are less harsh than low ranking ones .

The #endsars protest is a call to all victim of all kinds of abuse to unite together and take a stand. When the abusers realises that the victims would rather die than persist in such ill-treatment, they would be forced to reconsider their ways. No condition is permanent Centuries of abuse of patriarchy has led to the number of self identified feminist and single motherhood-. Parents who bring up their children in love would be cared for when they get old and weak. Garbage in Garbage out. What we sow is what we reap.

We need to focus towards an egilateral society.- a society that is based on equality. Moral reasoning should be introduced as a subject in secondary schools. Children ought to be taught character development with emphasis on equal respect for all devoid of gender, religion, power, wealth or Fame.


God sent pastors and self-sent pastor

Every week , many  new churches apply  to the Cooperate Affair Commission (CAC) requesting to be registered. Many letters are rejected for repitition of names. A report by       reveals that the number of churches are over.       . Every founder claims the holy spirit  sent him to create a new church.  Surely, God cannot be the author of confusion. Some of these founders are personally motivated. How then can we differentiate the genuine God sent founders from  the self- sent ones . Three major ways of identifying self sent founders are

Fame : self sent founders love to be the center of attention. They would do anything to be popular .He hardly allows assistant pastor to preach cutting him off from members so he does not take outshine him. The little time he preaches,he must mention pastors name so many times so pastor does not feel jealous. Such pastor will empty the church finance to pay television station to show their service. They can pay actors to stage miracles to increase their popularity. They speak eloquently. . After Jesus healed a man, he said ” tell no one,”. His desire to eradicate the suffering of the man was Paramount not Fame Our glory searching pastors would announce a miracle before performing one. He would find it difficult to minister before a small group of listeners. Qualiity of members mattered more than quality.They can ordain any person a pastor as long as he can bring more members. Jesus would leave ninety nine in search of one lost sheep. Fame founders would leave one in search of ninety nine. He spends more time building his influence.Their mission is to build and their branches through each street . There is nothing wrong for one to desire to be famous but there is something wrong if one pursues Fame and recognition at the detriment of God’s word

Power: Some pastors leave their previous church over disagreement on certain issues. They wanted things to go a certain way. The senior pastor rejected and they angrily left to form their own church where they would be the one taking decision. These want to be in charge of every decision making process. They appoint the choir leader, welfare head,drama coordinator etc. They will tell the leader the song to sing . Whoever disagrees with him is removed and replaced with a O-Yes members who agrees to all he says .. Questioning them is the same as challenging their a ithority .

They hardly take correction.Criticise their action and they curse you and your generation. Insult them and get beaten .They are easily identified by their tendency to shout while preaching despite the numerous microphone and loudspeaker. They love to issue command..They are annoited and you are not and that makes them superior to you.They can be proud ,pumpous and boastful.. Their favorite Bible verses are Touch not my annoited and do my prophet no harm and The kingdom of God suffereth violence…….taketh it by force. The first verse prevents you from criticizing him while the later gives him licence to be violent.

G byreed : These pastors have withnessed the influx of money from local various parishes to headquarters and desire to own the money. They left the previous church over money issue. Deny him access to church fund and watch him abscond to build his own.They see church as fastest means of generating fund. Their sermon focuses more on giving even when topic has nothing to do with money. Meet him for marital counseling and he mention tithing as condition for blissful marriage. They are the prosperity preachers. They need you to prosper so you can donate more to the church. The church has an open door policy. There are less laws on dresscode and less emphasis on morals . Pastor hardly preaches hell. He knows that such would make members sad and scare them away . Rather, positive messages are preached. There are lots of singing and dancing to make members happy.They invite comedians, non – gospel artist to perform on the alter. Happy people are more likely to donate more. Do not be surprised to see POS machine and ATM machine inside the church. You have no excuse not to give. Everything is permissible provided their finance is not meddled with. They install camera at the room where money is counted to ensure no one takes from the money. He does not trust his own officials in money matters.They are the ones kicking against the CAMA law. Using the generatee fund for the things of the church is acceptable. These pastors use money to make more money. You will be surprised to here they own estates, lands, and other non gospel related buisnesses. I heard of a pastor who co- owns a construction company and lobby’s for government contract .

These kind of pastors are externally motivated. They use the church as a means to get what they want. The quest for Fame ,power and wealth supercededs all. They can misinterpreted the scripture and bend rules to achieve such craving. How do we identify the general overseer that was sent by God?

The first way to do this is by listening to his words. God calls for a reason . He calls to deliver a message. He sentMoses to tell pharoah to “let my people go “. The miracles he performed were secondary. He sent to teach the laws which did not exist at that time.Jesus was sent to preach the message of salvation to the people. He taught love and forgiveness different from vengeance which the pharasees were known for.To identify a God sent, compare his message with that of his predecessor . The greater the difference, the more you can be sure he is sent by God.God sent founders have a unique message or doctrine that stands them apart from the rest. If there is no difference,that is a red flag.

We can guage the zeal to spread the message. God-sent pastors move from one place to another. They are on the look out for people who are yet to receive the message. They teach the people for some time and leave to teach another group. They are like doctors searching for patients.They do not wait for members to seek them . They understand that whoever consciously seek the church is half saved. They go for those that are not in church .They are missionaries. Missionaries do not stay in a place forever. Does your general overseer still engage in street evangelism? Does he assign the task to members? Is he too big and busy for that? How often does your general overseer go to the northern part of the country. Are they scared of getting killed. Would he rather build a fifty thousand capacity auditorium in the south where Christianity is the dominant religion.

God-sent pastors are willing to thrive despite opposition. They do not succomb to the risk. They are willing to die in other to spread the message. Moses was a wanted man after killing the Egyptian, yet he courageously walked up to him to deliver the message. Jesus knew he would be killed. He persistently spread the good news. The early left their comfortable homes to a poor continent -Africa to spread the message. These missionaries died of mosquitoes. More missionaries trooped in. The urge to spread the message is stronger than their love for their own life. Can your General Overseer live in the North with for five years in other to strengthen the faith of Christians there? Can he die for the message?

There is absolutely nothing wrong for one to decide to build his own church. It is a free world. What is wrong is telling members that you are God sent. That is deceit. Lying in the name of God should be discouraged