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authentic emotion family feminism gender life nigeria relationship sex women

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

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life nigeria religion security tribe

A missing ingredient

Nigeria is a blessed country made up of different ethnic groups. These groups find it difficult to live peacefully among each other.There is an eye of suspicion that arises whenever come in contact with one who is different from us. We do not trust them.

The ability to get along with those with different mindset is essential to build a brand new country. It involves patience, understanding and acceptance of those of different ethnic group, language, religion and political views.

We ought to understand that when everyone thinks and behave in the same manner,the nation would be boring. Variety is the spice of life .diversity is central to humanity. A tolerant person recognises that his enemy has the right to think his own thought and live his own life as long as he doesn’t interfere in that of others. It gives to others the same freedom we crave.

A tolerant Muslim ignores hurtful remark from a thirteen years old. A tolerant Christian does not loose his cool when handling difficult situation. Both understand that even though everyone believe in the same religion, their understanding of that Religion would differ.A tolerant APC leader forgives the errors of PDP leaders and not constantly picking on them. A tolerant prison warder respects the right of prisoners. A tolerant spouse do not pick quarrel constantly with each other.

When we force the minority tribe into doing our bidding, hatred and contempt is not avoidable. By making certain allowance,we transform a harsh house into a sweet one

One way to increase our religious tolerance level is to study more about the other person Religion. Do this without the intention to convert to their religion but to understand why they believe in what they believe.l remember harbouring a slight contempt for Muslims who do not partake in eating a cow killed by a Muslim.I saw this as segregation.It was not until I inquired from a Muslim that I understand it had more to do with the love for cows that they do not want to watch it suffer while dying . They believe cows should die a quick death so they kill cows in a specialway using sharp knife while offering a special prayer. My contempt was based on ignorance. My newly acquired knowledge errased my false assumption

Visit other states.make friends with people from other tribes. try to learn another language.If there is going to be peace in this nation,it would require a new approach to striving for political and Religious power, an approach that is no longer based on competition,but one that sees all as one through competition and partnership. we will learn to handle our differences without aggression.open our heart to the possibility of ethno- religious unity.Find a common thread that runs through us all and forget about converting one another. to sharing.

Nigeria shall be great

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nigeria

Violent activist in search of evil group

This millennium has witnessed the rise of many groups fighting against what is perceived as injustice. First was the Niger Delta  millitant . Then came the bokoharam and finally  the indigenous people of  Biafra.   Each group believe they are fighting a good cause. The millitant do not want their natural resources exploited and environment destroyed without compensation . The  bokoharam are against Eastern education while IPOB want independence. In a nutshell, one is environmental and financially motivated, other is educational and religiously motivated and the third is tribal and politically instigated.

Each group believe they are the victim . The other group is the aggressor.The use of threat of violence is also a common attribute of all group.  When we examine the world crises, we see a similar pattern. Adolph Hitler believed he was on a mission to eradicate the Jews from the map so as to make the world a better place.  Osama Binladen believes the United States are forces of evil bringing corruption and domination to the Islamic world.

Each group sees the other as evil and desire to make the world a better place by eradicating the evil . The main cause of violence is the desire to eradicate evil. Let us assume the other party is as evil as potrayed , Is punnishnent the best solution?

One school of taught believe trading evil for evil serves as detterant  to  others . If that is the case, why does evil persist? Punnishnent is driven by desire for vengeance. An eye for an eye makes the world go blind.  Violence breed more violence .we  view the other group as different from us. A we vs them mindset. Our group is better,right,superior. This creates pride., Segregation. When we add religion to this feeling, we turn it to a holy war. Each group is moved by  greed and selfishness that they refuse to see the wider implications of their actions. Violence  occur because each group fear what  the other side would do to them This fear grows into hatred. Hatred grows into anger. Anger result in violence.  The frequent Christian versus Muslim war in kaduna and Jos  follow the same pattern  . Muslim fearing Christian dominance and vice versa.

The best antidote to evil is to replace fear with love. When love exist among group, bridges  of connection is built rather than walls of saperation . When youth from each group  are allowed to fall in love with each other and get married, families are forced to include each other in gathering. When enemies come together to achieve a goal, their dislike for each other reduces . Children born from such union would learn to like both group. Focusing our mind on evil empowers evil. An unmatched readiness to assist humanity , a desire for truth and a heart of compassion are what is needed. Peace can be achieved when we are inspired by an inner convictions to embrace the oneness of humanity to seek power through forces of love and partner.Any hateful thought towards any group diminished this power. We look for ways to handle our difference without aggression.we can begin by suspending our differences and focusing on our similarities.