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emotion gender nigeria relationship

Marriage without intimacy or intimacy without marriage.

Marriage counselors keep reminded the indomie generation how their mothers marriage lasted for over fifty years. Divorce was unheard off. This days, divorce is common. Single motherhood is celebrated.What went wrong?

We are quick to measure success but numerical advantage. Our forefathers might have enjoyed t

the ancient marriage but our great grand mothers certainly did not. Marriage favored the fathers. Fathers sought power to rule others . He wants to dominate ,to compel and be obeyed. To achieve this, he competed with his fellow men in hunting, farming and fishing. Successful ones are respected and his opinion is highly valued among his peers. Soon ,they nominate him to represent them in other community affairs. The authority intrigues him more.

But the road to achieve this is tough. Other men desire the same. This makes it highly competitive. Many men do not make it to the top. This affect his confidence. He seeks a substitute- another environment where he would feel highly respected and valued. Marriage is the answer. Get the male rulers to instruct women to submit to their husband. Get male dominated religious leaders to issue the same directive. It worked. He has authority over children and family. They obey his every wish. He feels powerful ones again. She is married, has someone to provide her physical needs. Emotionally, she dislikes her husband. She fears he would hit her at any time. Her daughter picks up her fears. Intimacy is lacking.

Men overabused his authority. He would beat her up over little disagreement under the watchful eye of her daughter. Her daughter begins to dread marriage . Education and civilization has brought a change. Women now crave for equality with men . A woman wants the same respect a man has. This agitation is the beginning of shift from patriarchy to an egilateral society. Women want to be president. Daughter is twenty and has refused to get married. She does not want to be subjected to the unhappy union her mum was involved in. She would experiment.

She makes a couple of male friends. She notices the wonderful vibes at the beginning of the friendship. Each time she agrees to date him, relationship turns sour. She no longer value the things he does. Initially, she appreciated them highly because it was not his responsibility. Now, she no longer tells him thank you. After all, he is doing his role. He no longer feels she respect his actions. She does not obey his instructions. She is happy. He is not. He is not in control. The quest for power and control which pushed him to marriage is no more . He files for divorce. He prefers a submissive woman.

They get divorced. They are still friends though. He visits her child She prefers her freedom to make friends at her own terms.

Would you stay in loveless marriage like your grandma or remain single in a loving relationship.

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nigeria religion sex women

Left and Right Thinkers

The Neurologist classifies the brain into left and the right part. The right part is a center for emotion while the left hemisphere is the center of thinking. Children with a highly developed left hemisphere take first position in class and represent the class in inter-school competition. Right thinkers top the class in bullying and noise making and represent the class in inter-house sport competition. What they lack in intellectual analysis, they make up in physical hardiness. They are usually in majority. Left thinkers make great class captain because they are academically ahead.

This classification expands to the larger society Right thinkers usually top in illiteracy, Polio infection and poverty. Their top values are :

Dress code for women. Blasphemy laws confiscating alcoholic drinks. Cattle Rearing. Underage marriage.

The left thinkers are concerned about making lives better. Their top values are:

Breaking up /restructuring. Improving the economy persistent ASUU strike. improving policing and security High cost of living.

A right thinker

Left thinkers are willing to push aside tradition and scriptures to advance a goal. Right thinkers would prefer to remain stagnant to deviating from scriptural and traditional belief. The right thinkers are looking at making under aged child legitimate voters. The bill may be passed into law eventually as right thinkers have more population among the legislature. The left thinkers would rather ban underage marriage. Unlike left thinkers, Religious belief play a major role in the decision-making of right thinkers . Right thinkers are unwilling to consider scientific study of the harm done on the girl child as a result of early pregnancy as long as her religion approves of such. They would rather stone the messenger and destroy his findings. Right thinkers shifts scripture when it does not align with reality.

The right thinkers contribute less to the regional revenue and are more in number. Their numerical advantage gives them an advantage during election. They tend to rule left thinkers. When right thinkers rule, left thinkers feel marginalized. When right thinkers rule, left thinkers feel marginalized. An external body might be needed to bridge the gap but the right thinkers rigidity makes it difficult. A doctor might be needed to divide the duo but the leftist would not want that either. We have a serious matter in our hands. We have to be careful, so It does not lead to uprising in the future.

Are you a leftist or a rightist

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emotion feminism nigeria religion

Is this biblical verse becoming obsolete?

In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes,

“let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” In addition to his command toward men, Paul says a wife should respect her husband .Respect your husband, period. That’s the standard the Bible gives to women

In those days, Women were relegated to the bottom of social order. She is a treated like a property to be traded for money. A woman cannot be a chief. She belonged to the kitchen. Her son’s opinion is considered ahead of hers. Ancient woman know It is normal for a man to hit a woman .she dares not complain

Today, women go school. Women rule over men . Women are given lots of preference during divorce litigation. Today, we have lots of agitation for laws protecting women from disrespect.. Women now crave for respect. Women do not want to submit to a man. They want an equal. Few women want men that will submit to their wish.

Modern women dislikes submitting to a woman

Ancient men know that the women they marry got no feeling for her. He only respects her for his provision. He doesn’t care for her love. As long as she respects him , he is alright. Most women marry men who are capable of catering for her basic need. In essence, A woman would select richer men.

Today, women who marry men for his wealth are called gold diggers. Men crave more than respect. They want love. They want a man that would be there for him when he has nothing. They want women who love them for whom they are and not just what they provide.

Today women want love and respect. Todays men want love and respect. Respect is not just for men. Love is not just for women.

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authentic emotion family feminism gender life nigeria relationship sex women

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

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nigeria relationship Teaching wierd

Five Reasons Why Great Thinkers Struggle In their Marital Lives

History tells us that great thinkers whose thought changed the world never got married. Jesus of Nazareth whose philosophy gave birth to one of the most populous religions in the world abstained from marriage. Immanuel Kant never married. Isaac Newton remained single. John Stuart married very late . Few who married were involved in divorce cases. Did they take an oath of celibacy?

(1) Great thinkers are super introverted. They need time alone to think.He dislikes noise. Thinking involves great concentration on an issue His focus is on the subject on his head and not any lady. After spending time outside, he comes back home to reenergize in silence. Women on the other hand prefer to talk about her days activity. He would rather spend his time alone than listen to the endless tale of a woman. Rationalisation is the defense mechanism that helps him  cope with life stress. She will never be number one in his priorities.

(2)Each society operates within a certain code.Great thinkers question these codes. Great thinkers have their own view of relationship . His idea of a perfect marriage is wierd.e.g non-monogamous marriage. Cohabitation without marriage. This could be illegal in some society. Others perceive marriage as a prison one should be free from.  Many thinkers priotise friendship over marriage.They can see beyond the illusion of happily ever after. They dislike the drama that comes with two strangers with different upbringing living under the same roof. He can see the flaws in each  woman the same way he sees flaws in the world. Scholars perfectionist nature makes him seek the ideal woman to marry. Unfortunately, such woman does not exist. He will not settle for less.

(3)Great thinkers do not have a life like the ordinary person.They can be boring to an average lady. They live in their head. They care little for personal appearance. It is common to see him with unshaved beards or torn clothes.He spends time thinking that he forgets about food. His body looks worn out. He spends less time doing and more time thinking. The world pays for your skills not for your thoughts. He thinks out loud while talking.He is easily mistaken for a mad man.Some of them got dismissed for deviating from the norm. Bertrand Russell remained unemployed for supporting gay marriage in 1929..They are  jobless. He has no defined source of livelihood.Which lady will happily settle down with one?

(4)Great thinkers possess unique philosophy. His views are in minority. ..Most great thinkers are on a mission to spread her ideology. First he needs to find a mate who thinks  the same way as he does. Since his ideology is mostly his, the odds is less than one in a thousand. Most times, he had to choose from female  disciples. Secondly, she ought to find him attractive enough and thirdly she needs to share in his mission to move from one place to another to share his those . She should understand that she will always fall behind his love for intellectual pursuit. He will gladly divorce her if she becomes an obstacle.

Intellectuals seek like minded partner. Unfortunately, they are rare

(5)Neurologists tell us that the  human brain is divided into two parts. One part is emotional and the other part is rational. Philosophers have a highly developed rational mind and poorly developed emotional side. Most women have poorly developed rational side and well developed emotional side. Women are feelers.philosophers find it difficult to understand the feeling creature. He tells her she looks fat and she gets angry. But she asks for his opinion. Most women cannot handle the truth. Men are thinkers. To convince a thinker, she has to use argument. But her less developed intellects makes it difficult. A woman cannot manipulate a philosopher. He sees through her mind games.

We are different. We cannot be fixed into a box. It is unrealistic to expect each person to be suited for marriage. Great scholars are happier single. Marriage could hinder his mental activities.

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family feminism gender nigeria women

Before you blame the man

I am not in support of physical assault of any form. I believe there are numerous ways we can discipline an individual. Nevertheless,No one is perfect. Let us be careful not to ignore the role women play to incite violence. True,Some men can be aggressive. Some persons have anger management issue and some women know when to use it to her Advantage. What about ladies who take on their partner emotional weakness? This story will illustrate my point.

Since I gave birth, my husband no longer give me the attention he used to. He spends more time at work. When he finally gets home, he quicky goes to bed to prepare for the next day. We engage in superficial discussion-the bills, our son, the neighbors, the house etc. He rarely comments on my outfit. There are times I would move around naked yet he would not mutter a world. He would be physical present with me yet thinking of his work. Sex was mechanical. He did not care If I cummed.He would sleep off afterwards. I cannot bear the neglect. I have tried to give him subtle hint as a woman. He is unable to interpret my signs. I have come out openly yet he plays it down. I got no choice but to proboki him The other day, I nagged bitterly. He walked out of the house. Every attempt I make shuts him down.I just came back from work and he did not bother to ask how work went. He fixed his eyes on the television screen watching a soccer match. I tried initiating a conversation with him but his eyes are fixed on the screen while giving me monosyllabic reply. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“GBAM”

I hit the television screen with a kitchen pistle until it blacked out. For the first time, he gazed his eyes toward my direction. He rushed me like an angry lion pouncing on its prey . I was unable to count the series of slaps and punches that landed on my face. I passed out and found myself in the hospital. I was bedridden for three days.

I came back home and met a changed man. He apologized for laying his hands on me. I still felt pain from the beating. He served me breakfast in bed. He would call me thrice while at work to know how I was faring. Knowing he was thinking of me while at work made me blush. He reminded me of the days we courted. I felt desired once again. I continued giving him the silent treatment for two weeks. I wanted to enjoy his affection while it lasted. I finally accepted his persistent apology.Our made up sex was fantastic. My satisfaction was his concern. He cuddled me afterwards. I have learnt that damaging what he cherishes most and receiving the beating of my life was the only way to get back the love we once had.It is a matter of time before he begins to ignore me again. Next time, I would break his car windscreen.

Some women can attest to this. Women spend time trying to understand their partner emotion. They know the best time to get money from him and the best time to ask for a favor. They also know what pisses him off and try to avoid it. She knows certain acts that makes him angry yet she does it and plays victim. When he reacts violently, the society label him a wife beater . Ever wonder why such women hardly leave their partner.The excuse I love him that is why I can’t leave him is bullshit. She love the attention ,the affection, the chase for forgiveness, the small shakara and the make up sex that comes with it. Other girls have their own reason for pushing him into hitting her.

This repeats itself until the man discovers that she subtly creates occasion to be beaten . He says to himself I think she loves it when I beat her up. She continues to provoke him and he continues to beat her up.The cycle continues. The worst mistake a concerned one would do is to suggest she leaves her husband. She will accuse you of trying to break her home.

Erin Pizzey, a vocal feminist spoke strongly against domestic violence. She founded a home for victims of women abuse. On one occasion she interviewed the victim and realized that she was equally abusive. She interviewed the rest and discovered that over seventy percent of the victim she rescued were equally as violent as the men. She made her findings public. She was suspended from the group she founded and was threatened by the victim she rescued.

Whenever you hear cases of domestic abuse, do not be quick to blame the man. Investigate the character of the girl first.

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nigeria

WONDERFUL PARTNER, TERRIBLE FAMILY

Typically a genuine life story I would like to share in a different way.

Your partner is goal oriented and emotionally stable. He neither smokes nor drinks and he speaks slowly picking his words carefully in attempt not to use a hurtful word. Each time he struggles to talk about his family.  He was quick to change the subject like they never existed. I  could sense he is not comfortable whenever I insisted on paying them a visit.

Should you break up with your partner because of their toxic family

Finally, he agrees to take you home. You are nervous whether they will like you amour not. His own anxiety was thrice yours. Looking forward for the slightest reason to cancel the journey. He sees you were insisting on going. Finally,you arrive the place and noticed five persons packed in a little cubicle. You perceived an awful smell from the small apartment. His younger brother greeted you holding a wrap of wrapped weed in his hand. That should have been a signal but you overlooked it.

Then you noticed their tone in speaking. The father yelling at the mum “Go bring an extra cup”. He gets angry over little or nothing and has no regard for his wife in public. You ask how your partner was as a child, each person used the opportunity to list their little achievement. They were competing for attention
To say that I was shocked was an understatement. Your partner could see the shock in your eyes and tried to remedy the situation only to get a thunderous.

His mum presented a keg of local alcoholic wine but he gently told her that I do not drink. She fumed with dissapintment like one whose marriage proposal was rejected.
“Can’t you do something right for once’?
This time, it was his mum yelling at him for using a fork to eat the EBA. She was trying to project her anger somewhere else.The household find it difficult to cope with rejection.
He gently dropped the cutlery and used his hands in an attempt not to worsen an already terrible day.

After what looks like hours, you finally take your leave earlier than imagined.
You are glad you finally left. You are curious how your partner manages to turn out different from his family members. How he grew up in a difficult, destructive family to a productive compassionate young man. You love your partner nevertheless buy you know you cannot take his family as your family. You would never like to spend an hour near them again. They would drain your energy. You are willing to proceed with the marriage plans If he promises never to get them involved in your marital life physically or otherwise. Is that practical?

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emotion family nigeria relationship women

Divorce Marketer

A reader asked me how much the devil paid me to promote divorce . she reminded me that family unity should be promoted over saperation. She lamented that my articles encouraged readers to. Seek Marriage annulment over the slightest provocation.   I  smiled at her assumption. The truth is ; I am neither for marriage nor for divorce. Rather, I am pro freedom, pro happiness and pro choice

Every blessed day, I see married persons secretly involved in adultery. I see couple in an unpleasant union but reluctant to dissolve it and unable to make it better. I see women who have lost their voice and power. I see individuals sacrificing their life for their partner who does not acknowledge them.

Studies Shows that unhappiness leads to    diseases. This follows that these individuals are gradually feeling themselves to their grave. An unsatisfied marriage is detrimental to their life. Saperating oneself from such source of disease is necessary to save their life.A surgeon simple removes a life threatening tumor from the body. Wisdom tells us to divorce When your partner is a continuous trigger of grief. Our fear of public perception and fear of acknowledging failure keeps us stuck in an unsatisfied relationship. When the parents are always quarrelling, the child is hurt. The Bible tells us that God destroyed the world when human sinned and made God sad.

I am not concerned about your marriage status or your sexual life. I care about ones feeling. I want each person to priotise his/her emotional needs enough to detach oneself from the trigger of your sorrow and take more responsibility for one’s life. The message is to take decisions based on one’s own thought and feelings and make changes as we grow rather than hand over our power to an external body. We can create the life we wants and not one based on societal expectation.

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family feminism gender relationship

Laws of being a side chick ( just for laugh)

Being honest with myself, I have never really been on the high ground when it comes to morality, or rather, what the society defines as morality. I support abortion, I wouldn’t throw a rock on anyone who does it. I show skin….a lot when I dress up and I love my body so much.

Once again, sis is here to sound ‘immoral’.

Hello moral police of the society, I hope you well, here and cheers to more future fights.

So…sidechick-ing. Quite an intriguing idea.

Let’s all note this fact, a side chick is not a home-wrecker. Or a mistress. She is nothing more than a side dish. More like desert, or those meals that you get served at a restaurant before the main course, let’s be honest, aren’t they the sweetest?

Before we go any further, I would just like to say that this article is penned down by a proud hypothetically…side chick. One that doesn’t live by the moral guidelines of the society or what the society regards as conventional as a means to soothe their ego.

Lots of us in our twenties have the rush to find the perfect man, but really, is there a perfect man? Are you a perfect man?

Being a side chick means you giving out something that the number one woman isn’t, let’s all admit that to some level, this is flattery. But being a side chic is hell of a task, juggling the innocently clueless girlfriend, scandals and drama, headache and a never ending love triangle. But who knows, you may eventually be the main, don’t count on this though, just have fun.

Self-made rules to being a side chick.

Always keep the secret.

LOL.
Keep your mouth shut even from your best friend. This whole affair is clandestine, nobody wants to hear your story. You are a secret, your relationship is a secret and letting it out there would just ruin the fun. Learn to stay in your lane always.

 You may find yourself in situations that may twist your mind to make you think you need to admit that you are a side chick, do not! Let the man be the one to do it, if he wants to. With millennial, you may have the urge to profess this affair on social media, don’t listen to that devil please. Nobody wants to hear about your coastal vacation with the man who’s involved with nani (who) Rule numero uno!

Stay away from PDA’s

FOR POSTING HIS HAIR. HAHA
You just can’t go public with him no matter how much you want to. Without secrecy your relationship is dead. Lol. Honestly, you do not want to go out displaying affection to the guy we know is dating who. Unless you want to give the public a show. It may get messy real quick.

Set the goals for the relationship and stick to them.

A man can date his soul mate a secret for his whole life and keep it a secret, and so he will have no problem keeping a secret of you. Set the goal for the relationship and keep it a secret. Have funn.

Avoid drama like you avoid covid-19

When someone hears the word side chick, what rings in their mind is drama. If you are a drama queen, take it to the movies please. Be the safe haven, where he comes to find peace and safety. Thou shall never leave behind, a scent, a nail, an earring, a bra or a piece of hair for the main chick to uncover and cause drama.

Do not, I repeat, do not ask him for money.

Do not litter this ‘relationship’ with tenets of quid pro quo principle. This may sound ironic but never ask this man for money otherwise you will end up feeling like a cheap prostitute who gives out sex for money. Make the relationship all about fantasies. Offer that which ye cannot get from any other. If you desperate, find ways of outsourcing that cash but never ever ask him for money.

Avoid falling at all costs

You’d not want to be in something toxic, and remember that when you were getting into this, you agreed that there would be no strings attached. Now this may seem like the simplest rule and when you look at that man you feel like you have your reasons for falling for him. Or that you are too ambitious and looking forward to be a main chick.Strong feelings may develop, just make sure that feeling is not love.  Do not fall for him!!  

Do not get pregnant.

This man is not yours. Now at 20something you don’t plan on getting a baby for your boyfriend, don’t risk it with a guy who just wants to satisfy his fantasies. Have fun, stay safe…from corona and accidental pregnancies.

Get into this fully knowing the risks of being a side chick and do not concern yourself with this guy’s main. Otherwise, have fun .

Mancrine jangu

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emotion nigeria relationship women

Relationship mission

Several years ago,I was squating with a relation before I could get my own apartment. During the buisness news, the husband lamented how the market capitalisation had dropped down and how the change in government had led to uncertainty among investors. He predicted a decline in the market share price in the next few years.  His wife nodes her head like she was following only to say moments later.

I like the style of her blouse.

I could see the dissapointment in the husbands face. He found it difficult to engage in social- economic discussion with the wife. Here he was discussing serious issues and she was interested in a piece of clothing material.  Both of them were from two different worlds.

Today,I heard they were involved in divorce litigation. He was accused of committing adultery. was not surprised. She was a fashion designer with many apprentice working for her. He was a financial analyst .

The relationship was dead from the beginning. It was only a matter of time before it could manifest.We must always be in relationship with like minded individuals as this motivates us in our day to day life. Our partner shapes our life and our thoughts. When we exchange ideas and values with those who have similar goals and inspirations it plays an important role in our

Have you ever wondered why most men get involved in an affair with their co- worker. This is because both spend time sharing their thoughts on similar project. They are like partners. From official discussion to semi- official discussion. From there , It leads to personal discussion. From there, It leads to relationship discussion. He is more open to her than he is to the wife . The affair did not start the day they had their first kiss. Then he says ” If I had met you earlier, I would not have gotten married to my wife.

That sounds harsh but it is reality . He was moved by her beauty when he met her but today, he has learnt that there is more to physical appearance. He desires one he can communicate freely on issues of similar interest.Their work-life and interest are miles apart. Nothing brings them together.

Relationship is no longer about two individuals who want to get married and raise kids.because they have come of age or teaming up to meet our basic need of food, shelter, sex etc Relationship is about one person who is on a mission and discovers another person who is on a similar mission and they team up to embark on facing the challenges together .Relationship is a journey not a destination.Your partner inspire you to become a better version of your self. Not all relationship should lead into marriage. A relationship Should make you better version of yourself while pursuing the mission. The mission is the focus of the relationship and not the partner. You do not complete your partner or look for a partner to complete you. No, you focus on something outside yourselves .

The mission could be to render legal services to those who cannot provide one or to design a more efficient way of generating electricity or reform the lives of ex convicts or to impact values and principles to preteens or to spread the Marxist philosophy to the world or to build a mediation center for conflict resolution or to speak for the freedom of the oppressed.You grow with your partner. When the mission is a long term mission of over twenty years , They may decide to get married. Marriage should never be the mission for any relationship. Marriage may be introduced for long term journey .

If you discover you are on a different path from your partner,do not hurriedly leave the relationship. Ask her  to list her  about twenty activities she likes to do. List twenty hobbies you enjoy too .Find the hobbies you both enjoy together. If  it is music, start singing together. Compose a song Individually and sing it on your anniversary. The point is consciously create a life by engaging in activities together. Ensure It is something you both enjoy so no one feels burnt out. Reignite the spark.

Categories
family feminism gender life nigeria relationship women world

Diverging mission behind divorce

Just as a child graduates from high school into college, his priorities shift. The courses he takes become more narrow. He drops some classmates behind and retain few classmates who share the same college preference and same course. We do not go remain in high school out of loyalty to our friends.

As we age, our values, hobbies job etc changes. This is a sign of growth.one whose priority remain constant is stagnant like a child who fails to learn . Our choice of life partner also change.

A partner is one who embark on a similar journey with us. As our priority changes, that of our partner may remain the same or change in a different direction. One partner is taking a leap in one direction and the other partner is watching while giving her full support . There are other relationship where the other partner discourage you from keeping up to your new ideal.you no longer feel connected. You become incompatible . Just because you are in a union does not mean you must follow our partner as he/ she changes her priorities

We find ourself finding time together with some else on a similar path and less time with our partner . We become more open to new partner there all boundaries are broken. We begin to fall in ln love with the new person. Afterward comes a sence of guilt. We feel we are cheating on our partner. When we are with him,we are happy. Afterwards,we are ashamed of ourself. Our shame comes from having made a vow to love one person forever. Our guilt comes from the society conditioning that we should only love our partner and no be me else. we are left in a dilemma: to honor our feeling and continue with this our new friend or continue living in a lovelessness marriage and deny ourself the opportunity to grow .

We feel guilty for cheating on our partner. This cheating arises because we do not totally tell our partner what is happening with the other person A committed relationship involves honest and humble individual who understand that their partner could fall out of love with activities and people one used to be with . When such happens, one absorbs the partner of blame knowing fully well that change is part of nature . Feelings are not always predictable. We may feel hungry at odd time.we may be happy one minute and sad the next minute for no apparent reason. We should feel acknowledge our feeling and express them to our partner . To get attracted to someone else beside our partner is not a taboo. When the partner understand that we are matured enough to emphasize with them as they express their pleasant feelings and experience with a new colleague without feeling jealous or judgemental, She/he would be more willing to open up her heart to you. This communication can make us understand our partner more,lead to greater intimacy and makes the other person feel safe and secure.

Whenever one wants to be with the other person.we let them embark on the journey.We communicate our feeling openly and arrive at a mutual agreement of divorce than to live in denial with all it’s lies and betrayal. A monogamous relationship does not necessarily mean we own our partner.It is not a life sentence. It is a process for growth. Letting go can become a gain rather than a loss when it leads us to our higher self.we can still retain the friendship while taking time to grow . Sticking to a union that does not lead to a higher growth can be detrimental to our wellbeing

The best relationship is the relationship where each promise to tell the truth even when it hurts. Cheating arises when one begins to hide the truth because our partner may not be able to handle it. Not all relationship are meant to last forever. Some relationship are meant to propel us to a greater height. Some relationship brings out hidden potential in us we never new existed. Another relationship improves on that potential. No monogamous relationship is a failure. Each has one lesson to teach us. It takes wisdom to know when a relationship has served its purpose and move into a new one.

We should not just bail out of every relationship. We should be sure that the reason for unfulfimment in the union does not arises out of faults. Rather, we discover we no longer derive Joy in activitiess we used to . One partner has encountered a change in Religion and we cannot tolerate that .We feel lonely in the presence of our partner and alive in the presence of another without any reason . We should examine ourself to know whether we are in the union out of fear or out of love. Are we scared of what people we say when I leave? Am I scared of loosing certain previledges? We cannot truely grow in an environment of fear

Categories
nigeria religion

The major reason not to get married.

If marriage were compulsory, Jesus would have done so.I am not against the idea of getting married. I am only saying marriage is not for everyone. The assumption that one can only be fulfilled while married is false . Many propeller of this fallacy quote the Bible to back up their claim.

It is not good for man to be alone

It is not good for anyone to be alone . Eve was to be a companion and not a marriage partner . One can feel alone while being married . The verse only validates the fact that no one is an Ireland. We need someone to lean on . Marriage is a concept created by man to bring order in the society. No one has been arrested for choosing to remain single.

Many of us get married because we need kids. There are many orphans down there craving to get married. Go adopt them . Except off course you are searching for your own child to shower selfish love .

Everyone is meant to have children. Eli the priest was not meant to have children as that would disturb his mission on Earth so his wife womb was shut for years. Having a wife would not affect his goal. After persistent prayer, he finally had a child. He had to choose between disciplining his children or spending time in the church. He chose the later. His children became wayward.

Zaccharia was another priest who had difficulty in having a son.It was not until he was very old that he was permitted too. This tells us that those who are called to work in God institution are not meant to have children as that could affect their work .They are permitted to have a helper, a partner, a wife ,a maid etc.

This brings me to the only reason to get married .We should get married when getting married enables us to achieve our life purpose.

Jesus knew his mission on Earth .He knew it involves wandering from one place to another spreading the message. The stress of travelling with his family all the Tim would slow down his movement. He could not afford to take them to the mountain and through the sea. He knew his message would invoke the wrath of the pharasees who would happily transfer their aggression to his wife and children . Peter who was already married had to leave his wife behind to follow Jesus. His wife must have felt sad as a result. His children must have been angry with their father for being unavailable. It is better not to get married than to abandon your partner midway. one had to pace way for another.

Marriage is settling down . Those whose purpose involve moving around have no business settling down.A Catholic priest could be posted to three different countries in a year as part of missionary work. Relocating their family all the time would prove cumbersome. This is why Catholic priest do not get married. I am not condemning clergy who get married. I only ask that each should examine the nature of his calling. One who is fixed at a particular place to grow an already planted church can marry. Missionaries who go about converting people and planting churches can abstain.

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nigeria

Why is monogamy considered Natural

What is so special in monogamous relationship? If monogamy is natural, why do we struggle at it? No one teaches fish how to swim? Why do we have books on how to avoid cheating? To answer this question,we look at what researchers revealed

Evolutionary scientist David Barish compared monogamy among various animals.

Only 9 percent of mammals practice monogamy

29 percent of primates are monogamous

Before westernisation, 86 percent of indigenous society are no monogamous

Overfamiliarisation with a partner kills a woman libido

30 percent of women have extra-marital affair despite being happy with their marriage.

The numbers are against monogamy. One advantage of monogamy over polygamy is the assurance of a mate for every male. No group of wealthy powerful men can marry off all the women leaving the non powerful men single.. AThe spread of Christianity could be be a dominant factor. Monogamy offers an exclusive sence of ownership each woman on the man rather than having to share him with other women.

Monogamy restricts each party from love and sex with another. Are these two not one of the sweetest feelings? Limited my experience of them should be seen as punnishnent and not something to jubilate to.

In casual friendship, my friend could have other friends beside me and I am cool with that. But in monogamy, It is me and me alone. Any attempt to share love and sex with another is considered cheating. A woman should only love one guy but she can share her love among her children equally. Why can’t she love six men equally? Is this not hypocrisy? It means the heart is capable of loving many but man Jealously choose to limit it to one. In some cases, we argue over what constitutes exclusive acts? Holding hands, seeing one another naked,sharing a bed, kissing etc.

Before we say monogamy is natural, think again.

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Uncategorized

Challenges of getting married to a strict born again Christian

They can be boring. No room for fun Always serious face. Hardly play with family

They do not know how to handle women . Most strict pastors spent their youthful days avoiding dating and friendships with ladies in general so as not to commit adultery.

They are fault finders . They go about looking for offence. Every thing is a sin.

They are not romantic They grew up avoiding ladies. They are not used to giving hugs and kisses. They only know one position. Anal sex is a sin. Only accepts style is missionary. The mouth is for praising God name and not oral.

They can be routinal .. They have a structured life style. Easily predictable. Wife feel bored.

Lack of emotional intimacy. Wife is emotionally starved. His priorities are in the things of the lord. Time for heart to heart discussion and he is quoting Bible.

Categories
nigeria relationship

Before we get too serious

There is something I have been wanting to tell you but do not have the courage to look you in the face . I guess the best way to go about is through the pen .

The first time I set my eyes on you, I fell in love with you. I never believed in love at first sight until I met you. We have been dating for sometime now.

I brought out my lovable side, my strength to you so I could win your love in return.  In the process, I hid my weaknesses from you.   you do not know the real me . I am scared you would flee if I do reveal my true self.  Our relationship is getting serious and it gladdens my heart. At the same time,I feel true friends deserve to be authentic to each other. Morever, I may not be able to conceal my less appealing side any longer.

If you are expecting an ideal partner, I am afraid you got the wrong guy. I will not always be the one to dry your tears. Yes I would hurt you but It would never be out of malice but oversight and ego.I would make you cry attimes.you should take me as I am not asyou desire me to be.

I may look  always self sufficient and  confident, underneath, I I am insecured. I have learnt to conceal my true feeling like a man. I have this ability to sweet talk you and promise you heaven in other to make you feel better or get you to do something for me. I may not be able to deliver.

I am working on myself to be a better person. I will try to make you happy by trial and error . I  need your feedback to tell me how you desire to be loved as I may not be able to read your mind.

Never expect me to apologise to you in public . I got my ego to protect but I will always achnowledge my wrong while I am alone with you.

Attached are the phone number of my former partners. You may contact them for more information about me. Review my history and decide with your eyes wide open before we take a step forward. I will not disappoint you if you know me as a falliable person. I would be extremely glad knowing you would accept my flaws and fault. I would not hold it against you should you decide to call it off though. I expect your feedback in two weeks time.

How would you respond to this letter?