The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses. Our conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of their choice . This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.
The new development has brought a different insight to the question
” What do women want?”
By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have observed a shift in the taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest. When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?
I will illustrate with this story.
Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.
The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.
Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.
It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.
She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.
Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.
He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.
They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.
She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.
We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.
Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.
I am not in support of physical assault of any form. I believe there are numerous ways we can discipline an individual. Nevertheless,No one is perfect. Let us be careful not to ignore the role women play to incite violence. True,Some men can be aggressive. Some persons have anger management issue and some women know when to use it to her Advantage. What about ladies who take on their partner emotional weakness? This story will illustrate my point.
Since I gave birth, my husband no longer give me the attention he used to. He spends more time at work. When he finally gets home, he quicky goes to bed to prepare for the next day. We engage in superficial discussion-the bills, our son, the neighbors, the house etc. He rarely comments on my outfit. There are times I would move around naked yet he would not mutter a world. He would be physical present with me yet thinking of his work. Sex was mechanical. He did not care If I cummed.He would sleep off afterwards. I cannot bear the neglect. I have tried to give him subtle hint as a woman. He is unable to interpret my signs. I have come out openly yet he plays it down. I got no choice but to proboki him The other day, I nagged bitterly. He walked out of the house. Every attempt I make shuts him down.I just came back from work and he did not bother to ask how work went. He fixed his eyes on the television screen watching a soccer match. I tried initiating a conversation with him but his eyes are fixed on the screen while giving me monosyllabic reply. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I hit the television screen with a kitchen pistle until it blacked out. For the first time, he gazed his eyes toward my direction. He rushed me like an angry lion pouncing on its prey . I was unable to count the series of slaps and punches that landed on my face. I passed out and found myself in the hospital. I was bedridden for three days.
I came back home and met a changed man. He apologized for laying his hands on me. I still felt pain from the beating. He served me breakfast in bed. He would call me thrice while at work to know how I was faring. Knowing he was thinking of me while at work made me blush. He reminded me of the days we courted. I felt desired once again. I continued giving him the silent treatment for two weeks. I wanted to enjoy his affection while it lasted. I finally accepted his persistent apology.Our made up sex was fantastic. My satisfaction was his concern. He cuddled me afterwards. I have learnt that damaging what he cherishes most and receiving the beating of my life was the only way to get back the love we once had.It is a matter of time before he begins to ignore me again. Next time, I would break his car windscreen.
Some women can attest to this. Women spend time trying to understand their partner emotion. They know the best time to get money from him and the best time to ask for a favor. They also know what pisses him off and try to avoid it. She knows certain acts that makes him angry yet she does it and plays victim. When he reacts violently, the society label him a wife beater . Ever wonder why such women hardly leave their partner.The excuse I love him that is why I can’t leave him is bullshit. She love the attention ,the affection, the chase for forgiveness, the small shakara and the make up sex that comes with it. Other girls have their own reason for pushing him into hitting her.
This repeats itself until the man discovers that she subtly creates occasion to be beaten . He says to himself I think she loves it when I beat her up. She continues to provoke him and he continues to beat her up.The cycle continues. The worst mistake a concerned one would do is to suggest she leaves her husband. She will accuse you of trying to break her home.
Erin Pizzey, a vocal feminist spoke strongly against domestic violence. She founded a home for victims of women abuse. On one occasion she interviewed the victim and realized that she was equally abusive. She interviewed the rest and discovered that over seventy percent of the victim she rescued were equally as violent as the men. She made her findings public. She was suspended from the group she founded and was threatened by the victim she rescued.
Whenever you hear cases of domestic abuse, do not be quick to blame the man. Investigate the character of the girl first.
Typically a genuine life story I would like to share in a different way.
Your partner is goal oriented and emotionally stable. He neither smokes nor drinks and he speaks slowly picking his words carefully in attempt not to use a hurtful word. Each time he struggles to talk about his family. He was quick to change the subject like they never existed. I could sense he is not comfortable whenever I insisted on paying them a visit.
Finally, he agrees to take you home. You are nervous whether they will like you amour not. His own anxiety was thrice yours. Looking forward for the slightest reason to cancel the journey. He sees you were insisting on going. Finally,you arrive the place and noticed five persons packed in a little cubicle. You perceived an awful smell from the small apartment. His younger brother greeted you holding a wrap of wrapped weed in his hand. That should have been a signal but you overlooked it.
Then you noticed their tone in speaking. The father yelling at the mum “Go bring an extra cup”. He gets angry over little or nothing and has no regard for his wife in public. You ask how your partner was as a child, each person used the opportunity to list their little achievement. They were competing for attention To say that I was shocked was an understatement. Your partner could see the shock in your eyes and tried to remedy the situation only to get a thunderous.
His mum presented a keg of local alcoholic wine but he gently told her that I do not drink. She fumed with dissapintment like one whose marriage proposal was rejected. “Can’t you do something right for once’? This time, it was his mum yelling at him for using a fork to eat the EBA. She was trying to project her anger somewhere else.The household find it difficult to cope with rejection. He gently dropped the cutlery and used his hands in an attempt not to worsen an already terrible day.
After what looks like hours, you finally take your leave earlier than imagined. You are glad you finally left. You are curious how your partner manages to turn out different from his family members. How he grew up in a difficult, destructive family to a productive compassionate young man. You love your partner nevertheless buy you know you cannot take his family as your family. You would never like to spend an hour near them again. They would drain your energy. You are willing to proceed with the marriage plans If he promises never to get them involved in your marital life physically or otherwise. Is that practical?
A reader asked me how much the devil paid me to promote divorce . she reminded me that family unity should be promoted over saperation. She lamented that my articles encouraged readers to. Seek Marriage annulment over the slightest provocation. I smiled at her assumption. The truth is ; I am neither for marriage nor for divorce. Rather, I am pro freedom, pro happiness and pro choice
Every blessed day, I see married persons secretly involved in adultery. I see couple in an unpleasant union but reluctant to dissolve it and unable to make it better. I see women who have lost their voice and power. I see individuals sacrificing their life for their partner who does not acknowledge them.
Studies Shows that unhappiness leads to diseases. This follows that these individuals are gradually feeling themselves to their grave. An unsatisfied marriage is detrimental to their life. Saperating oneself from such source of disease is necessary to save their life.A surgeon simple removes a life threatening tumor from the body. Wisdom tells us to divorce When your partner is a continuous trigger of grief. Our fear of public perception and fear of acknowledging failure keeps us stuck in an unsatisfied relationship. When the parents are always quarrelling, the child is hurt. The Bible tells us that God destroyed the world when human sinned and made God sad.
I am not concerned about your marriage status or your sexual life. I care about ones feeling. I want each person to priotise his/her emotional needs enough to detach oneself from the trigger of your sorrow and take more responsibility for one’s life. The message is to take decisions based on one’s own thought and feelings and make changes as we grow rather than hand over our power to an external body. We can create the life we wants and not one based on societal expectation.
My kids just asked me how their father died. This is the third time I have waved the question. I cannot continue avoiding it any longer .
May be I should tell them he slept and never woke up. This would keep their mind at rest . But my mind would not be at peace. That would be a lie. What if they hear the truth from another source They would see me as a liar.
I would not want that. I would tell them the partial truth. He died in a motor accident .But a half truth would equate a lie
I would equate the truth. I would tell them how a little misunderstanding we had made him loose concentration while driving and we got hit by a upcoming vehicle. I came out with minor bruises while their dad lost agreat deal of blood.
The doctor had requested for blood transfusion and I refused . My belief as a Jehovah Witness prohibit us from any form of blood transfusion. I hope they can forgive me for valuing obedience toreligious laws over love for their father. I hope they would understand that I could be excommunicated for disobedience. The church has turned his back on me each time I beckon on the members for financial assistance in raising them. I would let them know how much I regret that decision today . I hope they forgive me despite my inability to forgive myself.
When Nollywood actor Pet Edochie fumed at the young men kneeling before a woman, he was backlashed. Pet was comparing happenings in his youthful age against the youth in this generation. The traditional Igbo man is highly placed in the society. During traditional wedding,the woman kneels down to propose to the man.The one who kneels begs the other for a favor.A typical Igbo man hardly kneels for his fellow man talkless of a woman . He only kneels for the gods who he recognizes as more powerful than he is.
Pet is not alone. Many men have noticed a decline in the masculinity of men. The Alpha male movement and redpill movement are attempt to correct this imbalance.When did thngs change? When did man begin to loose his ego to stoop so low to kneel before a less powerful being. Was the change sudden or gradual?
Women were seen as irrational and emotional.Men were the rational and strong willed. Men were taught to act like men They had to suppress their emotion close to their heart. Men should never cry in public. Expression of vulnerability is a sign of a weak man. Men are closed minded, rigid and structured. He should not seek fun .Men. Should always be in power, strive for control, compete.They lack empathy necessary for effective communication and connection.
In early days, male children joined their fathers in the river fishing or the forest haunting. Female spent their time with the mothers cooking. Each gender know his role. You hardly see a man in the kitchen or a girl hunting. Men learnt to act like men and women learnt to act like women.Then came the industrial era. Lands meant for farming and hunting was taking over by the government to build factory. The owners of the land were jobless.To offer compensation, the men were integrated as workers in this factory. Their male children were not allowed to follow dad to work.son stays at home with the mum while Dad went to work. Father leaves home as early as eight and comes home by six. He is exhausted, he sleeps to get strength for the next day. Fathers became absent in their son’s life. The role of dad in son life began to reduce while the role of mum in son life began to rise. Mummy passes over her feminine qualities to growing son.
Then came education. Female involvement in education at an early age especially science and law improve her reasoning abilities (masculinity) . Female take part in competitive games like the male counterpart. This improves their aggression.These women ended up as heads of organization.They took decision and gave instructions . These women began to have a thirst of power . Their masculine qualities were awoken.
Girls who enjoy highly competitive games with a desire to win also increases their aggression (masculinity). We tag such women names like Tomboy. They are ladies with highly developed masculine side and poorly developed feminine side.. Such masculine girls are attracted to the beta guys. If a man is more masculine in nature,he will be attracted to a very feminine woman who will compliment his energy. Balance men prefer neutral women.. Masculine girls at attracted to a feminine guy or sisi or beta guy . Such guys are few as society teaches guys to wear the Alpha mask. She can only find solace among her fellow feminine women. This is the origin of homosexuality- . Heterosexual are no different from homosexual as both seek balance .
Society has widened this energy balance over the years. Civilisation is bring closing the gap. Homosexual are closer to achieving balance compared to heterosexual. Yet, Homosexuals feel guilty for not complying with society expectation. . There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, for it IS what is. However, we need to bear in mind that society at this time is traumatized due to so many centurie conditioned to comply with that. DO we want to fit in? Until WHEN? We need to learn to Love who we are, while allowing others to be what they want to be. Acceptance is the way of Life.
We should understand that each individual hold masculine and feminine qualities within us. When both qualities are not well alligned, the person is out of balance. The traditional gender roles over the years has created highly masculine males on one hand and highly feminine female on the other side. we are drawn to certain individual that help us correct these imbalance. These highly masculine males become attracted to highly feminine female.
What is so special in monogamous relationship? If monogamy is natural, why do we struggle at it? No one teaches fish how to swim? Why do we have books on how to avoid cheating? To answer this question,we look at what researchers revealed
Evolutionary scientist David Barish compared monogamy among various animals.
Only 9 percent of mammals practice monogamy
29 percent of primates are monogamous
Before westernisation, 86 percent of indigenous society are no monogamous
Overfamiliarisation with a partner kills a woman libido
30 percent of women have extra-marital affair despite being happy with their marriage.
The numbers are against monogamy. One advantage of monogamy over polygamy is the assurance of a mate for every male. No group of wealthy powerful men can marry off all the women leaving the non powerful men single.. AThe spread of Christianity could be be a dominant factor. Monogamy offers an exclusive sence of ownership each woman on the man rather than having to share him with other women.
Monogamy restricts each party from love and sex with another. Are these two not one of the sweetest feelings? Limited my experience of them should be seen as punnishnent and not something to jubilate to.
In casual friendship, my friend could have other friends beside me and I am cool with that. But in monogamy, It is me and me alone. Any attempt to share love and sex with another is considered cheating. A woman should only love one guy but she can share her love among her children equally. Why can’t she love six men equally? Is this not hypocrisy? It means the heart is capable of loving many but man Jealously choose to limit it to one. In some cases, we argue over what constitutes exclusive acts? Holding hands, seeing one another naked,sharing a bed, kissing etc.