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emotion family nigeria relationship women

The beauty of Divorce

You tried all you could to make the relationship work. Family members, friend a pastors intervened. You sought the wise counsel of experts. Yet, the yelling and fighting doubled. The relationship is irredeemable. You throw in the towel. A part of you feel bad for letting go.

When two individuals are unity, their combined energy is greater than the sum of the individual energy. It would take a greater force to pull this bond apart. The greater the bond that exist between the two, the greater the destructive energy released. The split of an atom causes great explosion. This knowledge is used in nuclear science to create bombs.

In any human relationship that involves a break up be it husband- wife, employee- employer, business partners etc,emotions are released. In most cases, such separation causes hatred among the individual. This leads to litigation. Courts cannot heal the emotional wounds of departing members. Court creates a winner and a looser. It increases the wound of one. No two persons go to court and remain friends. The dissolution of marriage leads to a great deal of anger and resentment towards the significant order.

The societal stigma towards divorced persons is not helping matters. Divorce is viewed with the same negative lens we used to see failure. Failure is perceived as terrible while success is celebrated. This notion is distorted. A wise man once said that failure teaches us while success tests us. we learn more from our mistakes. It is vital to pay attention to our teachers to enable us to pass the examination life throw at us. To view every failure as a lesson learnt enable us to begin to change our perspective of divorce.

We can begin to examine the previous relationship from the position of an observer like one acting in a script. This will enable us to discover mistakes without emotional bias. You may have noticed that your majority of the disagreement was based on money. You were a spender while your partner was a saver. Furthermore, you accuse himm of being too frugal while he insulted you for being extravagant. Perhaps, you enjoyed the social gathering and resented him for not taking you out while your spouse would rather stay at home with his laptop. He wants to watch soccer while you preferred a live TV show. You know nothing about his automobile spare part business. He has no clue about the trending design in the fashion industry needed for your boutique. Both of you are from two different planets. You realized that your values differ. You wondered how you never saw these discrepancies earlier.

Now you no longer blame him completely. You saw the signs earlier but chose to ignore it. You had a role to play. Yo no longer play he victim card.Next time, you will take these little details into consideration. You will discuss them with him before committing. Now,you are wiser. You will no longer attract a partner with similar attribute. wise enough not to attract a similar partner.

Detached examination helps us to reorganize our top priorities in human relations. You thank your ex for the invaluable lessons he has taught you. The relationship is over for good. You have to shut the door, so the universe can usher in a better partner. The failed relationship prepares you to be more matured in subsequent ones.

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family feminism gender nigeria women

Before you blame the man

I am not in support of physical assault of any form. I believe there are numerous ways we can discipline an individual. Nevertheless,No one is perfect. Let us be careful not to ignore the role women play to incite violence. True,Some men can be aggressive. Some persons have anger management issue and some women know when to use it to her Advantage. What about ladies who take on their partner emotional weakness? This story will illustrate my point.

Since I gave birth, my husband no longer give me the attention he used to. He spends more time at work. When he finally gets home, he quicky goes to bed to prepare for the next day. We engage in superficial discussion-the bills, our son, the neighbors, the house etc. He rarely comments on my outfit. There are times I would move around naked yet he would not mutter a world. He would be physical present with me yet thinking of his work. Sex was mechanical. He did not care If I cummed.He would sleep off afterwards. I cannot bear the neglect. I have tried to give him subtle hint as a woman. He is unable to interpret my signs. I have come out openly yet he plays it down. I got no choice but to proboki him The other day, I nagged bitterly. He walked out of the house. Every attempt I make shuts him down.I just came back from work and he did not bother to ask how work went. He fixed his eyes on the television screen watching a soccer match. I tried initiating a conversation with him but his eyes are fixed on the screen while giving me monosyllabic reply. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“GBAM”

I hit the television screen with a kitchen pistle until it blacked out. For the first time, he gazed his eyes toward my direction. He rushed me like an angry lion pouncing on its prey . I was unable to count the series of slaps and punches that landed on my face. I passed out and found myself in the hospital. I was bedridden for three days.

I came back home and met a changed man. He apologized for laying his hands on me. I still felt pain from the beating. He served me breakfast in bed. He would call me thrice while at work to know how I was faring. Knowing he was thinking of me while at work made me blush. He reminded me of the days we courted. I felt desired once again. I continued giving him the silent treatment for two weeks. I wanted to enjoy his affection while it lasted. I finally accepted his persistent apology.Our made up sex was fantastic. My satisfaction was his concern. He cuddled me afterwards. I have learnt that damaging what he cherishes most and receiving the beating of my life was the only way to get back the love we once had.It is a matter of time before he begins to ignore me again. Next time, I would break his car windscreen.

Some women can attest to this. Women spend time trying to understand their partner emotion. They know the best time to get money from him and the best time to ask for a favor. They also know what pisses him off and try to avoid it. She knows certain acts that makes him angry yet she does it and plays victim. When he reacts violently, the society label him a wife beater . Ever wonder why such women hardly leave their partner.The excuse I love him that is why I can’t leave him is bullshit. She love the attention ,the affection, the chase for forgiveness, the small shakara and the make up sex that comes with it. Other girls have their own reason for pushing him into hitting her.

This repeats itself until the man discovers that she subtly creates occasion to be beaten . He says to himself I think she loves it when I beat her up. She continues to provoke him and he continues to beat her up.The cycle continues. The worst mistake a concerned one would do is to suggest she leaves her husband. She will accuse you of trying to break her home.

Erin Pizzey, a vocal feminist spoke strongly against domestic violence. She founded a home for victims of women abuse. On one occasion she interviewed the victim and realized that she was equally abusive. She interviewed the rest and discovered that over seventy percent of the victim she rescued were equally as violent as the men. She made her findings public. She was suspended from the group she founded and was threatened by the victim she rescued.

Whenever you hear cases of domestic abuse, do not be quick to blame the man. Investigate the character of the girl first.

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emotion family nigeria relationship women

Divorce Marketer

A reader asked me how much the devil paid me to promote divorce . she reminded me that family unity should be promoted over saperation. She lamented that my articles encouraged readers to. Seek Marriage annulment over the slightest provocation.   I  smiled at her assumption. The truth is ; I am neither for marriage nor for divorce. Rather, I am pro freedom, pro happiness and pro choice

Every blessed day, I see married persons secretly involved in adultery. I see couple in an unpleasant union but reluctant to dissolve it and unable to make it better. I see women who have lost their voice and power. I see individuals sacrificing their life for their partner who does not acknowledge them.

Studies Shows that unhappiness leads to    diseases. This follows that these individuals are gradually feeling themselves to their grave. An unsatisfied marriage is detrimental to their life. Saperating oneself from such source of disease is necessary to save their life.A surgeon simple removes a life threatening tumor from the body. Wisdom tells us to divorce When your partner is a continuous trigger of grief. Our fear of public perception and fear of acknowledging failure keeps us stuck in an unsatisfied relationship. When the parents are always quarrelling, the child is hurt. The Bible tells us that God destroyed the world when human sinned and made God sad.

I am not concerned about your marriage status or your sexual life. I care about ones feeling. I want each person to priotise his/her emotional needs enough to detach oneself from the trigger of your sorrow and take more responsibility for one’s life. The message is to take decisions based on one’s own thought and feelings and make changes as we grow rather than hand over our power to an external body. We can create the life we wants and not one based on societal expectation.

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emotion nigeria relationship women

Relationship mission

Several years ago,I was squating with a relation before I could get my own apartment. During the buisness news, the husband lamented how the market capitalisation had dropped down and how the change in government had led to uncertainty among investors. He predicted a decline in the market share price in the next few years.  His wife nodes her head like she was following only to say moments later.

I like the style of her blouse.

I could see the dissapointment in the husbands face. He found it difficult to engage in social- economic discussion with the wife. Here he was discussing serious issues and she was interested in a piece of clothing material.  Both of them were from two different worlds.

Today,I heard they were involved in divorce litigation. He was accused of committing adultery. was not surprised. She was a fashion designer with many apprentice working for her. He was a financial analyst .

The relationship was dead from the beginning. It was only a matter of time before it could manifest.We must always be in relationship with like minded individuals as this motivates us in our day to day life. Our partner shapes our life and our thoughts. When we exchange ideas and values with those who have similar goals and inspirations it plays an important role in our

Have you ever wondered why most men get involved in an affair with their co- worker. This is because both spend time sharing their thoughts on similar project. They are like partners. From official discussion to semi- official discussion. From there , It leads to personal discussion. From there, It leads to relationship discussion. He is more open to her than he is to the wife . The affair did not start the day they had their first kiss. Then he says ” If I had met you earlier, I would not have gotten married to my wife.

That sounds harsh but it is reality . He was moved by her beauty when he met her but today, he has learnt that there is more to physical appearance. He desires one he can communicate freely on issues of similar interest.Their work-life and interest are miles apart. Nothing brings them together.

Relationship is no longer about two individuals who want to get married and raise kids.because they have come of age or teaming up to meet our basic need of food, shelter, sex etc Relationship is about one person who is on a mission and discovers another person who is on a similar mission and they team up to embark on facing the challenges together .Relationship is a journey not a destination.Your partner inspire you to become a better version of your self. Not all relationship should lead into marriage. A relationship Should make you better version of yourself while pursuing the mission. The mission is the focus of the relationship and not the partner. You do not complete your partner or look for a partner to complete you. No, you focus on something outside yourselves .

The mission could be to render legal services to those who cannot provide one or to design a more efficient way of generating electricity or reform the lives of ex convicts or to impact values and principles to preteens or to spread the Marxist philosophy to the world or to build a mediation center for conflict resolution or to speak for the freedom of the oppressed.You grow with your partner. When the mission is a long term mission of over twenty years , They may decide to get married. Marriage should never be the mission for any relationship. Marriage may be introduced for long term journey .

If you discover you are on a different path from your partner,do not hurriedly leave the relationship. Ask her  to list her  about twenty activities she likes to do. List twenty hobbies you enjoy too .Find the hobbies you both enjoy together. If  it is music, start singing together. Compose a song Individually and sing it on your anniversary. The point is consciously create a life by engaging in activities together. Ensure It is something you both enjoy so no one feels burnt out. Reignite the spark.

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family feminism gender life nigeria relationship women world

Diverging mission behind divorce

Just as a child graduates from high school into college, his priorities shift. The courses he takes become more narrow. He drops some classmates behind and retain few classmates who share the same college preference and same course. We do not go remain in high school out of loyalty to our friends.

As we age, our values, hobbies job etc changes. This is a sign of growth.one whose priority remain constant is stagnant like a child who fails to learn . Our choice of life partner also change.

A partner is one who embark on a similar journey with us. As our priority changes, that of our partner may remain the same or change in a different direction. One partner is taking a leap in one direction and the other partner is watching while giving her full support . There are other relationship where the other partner discourage you from keeping up to your new ideal.you no longer feel connected. You become incompatible . Just because you are in a union does not mean you must follow our partner as he/ she changes her priorities

We find ourself finding time together with some else on a similar path and less time with our partner . We become more open to new partner there all boundaries are broken. We begin to fall in ln love with the new person. Afterward comes a sence of guilt. We feel we are cheating on our partner. When we are with him,we are happy. Afterwards,we are ashamed of ourself. Our shame comes from having made a vow to love one person forever. Our guilt comes from the society conditioning that we should only love our partner and no be me else. we are left in a dilemma: to honor our feeling and continue with this our new friend or continue living in a lovelessness marriage and deny ourself the opportunity to grow .

We feel guilty for cheating on our partner. This cheating arises because we do not totally tell our partner what is happening with the other person A committed relationship involves honest and humble individual who understand that their partner could fall out of love with activities and people one used to be with . When such happens, one absorbs the partner of blame knowing fully well that change is part of nature . Feelings are not always predictable. We may feel hungry at odd time.we may be happy one minute and sad the next minute for no apparent reason. We should feel acknowledge our feeling and express them to our partner . To get attracted to someone else beside our partner is not a taboo. When the partner understand that we are matured enough to emphasize with them as they express their pleasant feelings and experience with a new colleague without feeling jealous or judgemental, She/he would be more willing to open up her heart to you. This communication can make us understand our partner more,lead to greater intimacy and makes the other person feel safe and secure.

Whenever one wants to be with the other person.we let them embark on the journey.We communicate our feeling openly and arrive at a mutual agreement of divorce than to live in denial with all it’s lies and betrayal. A monogamous relationship does not necessarily mean we own our partner.It is not a life sentence. It is a process for growth. Letting go can become a gain rather than a loss when it leads us to our higher self.we can still retain the friendship while taking time to grow . Sticking to a union that does not lead to a higher growth can be detrimental to our wellbeing

The best relationship is the relationship where each promise to tell the truth even when it hurts. Cheating arises when one begins to hide the truth because our partner may not be able to handle it. Not all relationship are meant to last forever. Some relationship are meant to propel us to a greater height. Some relationship brings out hidden potential in us we never new existed. Another relationship improves on that potential. No monogamous relationship is a failure. Each has one lesson to teach us. It takes wisdom to know when a relationship has served its purpose and move into a new one.

We should not just bail out of every relationship. We should be sure that the reason for unfulfimment in the union does not arises out of faults. Rather, we discover we no longer derive Joy in activitiess we used to . One partner has encountered a change in Religion and we cannot tolerate that .We feel lonely in the presence of our partner and alive in the presence of another without any reason . We should examine ourself to know whether we are in the union out of fear or out of love. Are we scared of what people we say when I leave? Am I scared of loosing certain previledges? We cannot truely grow in an environment of fear