The beauty of Divorce

You tried all you could to make the relationship work. Family members, friend a pastors intervened. You sought the wise counsel of experts. Yet, the yelling and fighting doubled. The relationship is irredeemable. You throw in the towel. A part of you feel bad for letting go.

When two individuals are unity, their combined energy is greater than the sum of the individual energy. It would take a greater force to pull this bond apart. The greater the bond that exist between the two, the greater the destructive energy released. The split of an atom causes great explosion. This knowledge is used in nuclear science to create bombs.

In any human relationship that involves a break up be it husband- wife, employee- employer, business partners etc,emotions are released. In most cases, such separation causes hatred among the individual. This leads to litigation. Courts cannot heal the emotional wounds of departing members. Court creates a winner and a looser. It increases the wound of one. No two persons go to court and remain friends. The dissolution of marriage leads to a great deal of anger and resentment towards the significant order.

The societal stigma towards divorced persons is not helping matters. Divorce is viewed with the same negative lens we used to see failure. Failure is perceived as terrible while success is celebrated. This notion is distorted. A wise man once said that failure teaches us while success tests us. we learn more from our mistakes. It is vital to pay attention to our teachers to enable us to pass the examination life throw at us. To view every failure as a lesson learnt enable us to begin to change our perspective of divorce.

We can begin to examine the previous relationship from the position of an observer like one acting in a script. This will enable us to discover mistakes without emotional bias. You may have noticed that your majority of the disagreement was based on money. You were a spender while your partner was a saver. Furthermore, you accuse himm of being too frugal while he insulted you for being extravagant. Perhaps, you enjoyed the social gathering and resented him for not taking you out while your spouse would rather stay at home with his laptop. He wants to watch soccer while you preferred a live TV show. You know nothing about his automobile spare part business. He has no clue about the trending design in the fashion industry needed for your boutique. Both of you are from two different planets. You realized that your values differ. You wondered how you never saw these discrepancies earlier.

Now you no longer blame him completely. You saw the signs earlier but chose to ignore it. You had a role to play. Yo no longer play he victim card.Next time, you will take these little details into consideration. You will discuss them with him before committing. Now,you are wiser. You will no longer attract a partner with similar attribute. wise enough not to attract a similar partner.

Detached examination helps us to reorganize our top priorities in human relations. You thank your ex for the invaluable lessons he has taught you. The relationship is over for good. You have to shut the door, so the universe can usher in a better partner. The failed relationship prepares you to be more matured in subsequent ones.

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

“

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

Distorted perception of Love

The uneducated man who sponsors a girl throughout school in to marry her should examine his conscience. A selfless lover would notice a potential in her and desire to develop such talent via educating her. The moment he begins to guilt-trip her into marriage, he becomes a selfish lover. His generosity no longer counts as an act of kindness. He is only using her to satisfy his desire to own(marry) an educated person. He desires to improve his perceived status among his uneducated peers for marrying one of a higher status. He is no different from the rich man who gives while making a public show of it. The lady on the other hand desires a man to help her achieve her goal to be educated. She had to pretend to be love him to achieve her goal. There was no love. Each person only desired to use the other. The lady only outsmarted him in the selfish web. Some readers said he would have married her first before spending a dime on her. . It changes nothing. It does not guarantee a happy union. Who says she will not catch feelings for another person ? Who says she will not seek divorce later? It only transforms the problem. We need to examine our perception of love.

Love is freedom

Marriage is born of selfish love. We so often fall into the trap that the other person belongs to us. This simply can never be true. We love based on how useful the other person is to us. Husbands use their wives. Wives use their husband. The Hausa phrase I naso ki” is translated as I love you or I want you. If we love someone, we must desire to have such a person. If I see a flower, I must pluck the flower or I purchase the land. If I love a girl, I must own the girl by marriage. Bride price is a sign of ownership. This notion of love is distorted.

He has to prevent her from catching feelings for another man. Rather than giving love space and room to breathe, he clings to it, desperate to make the feeling stay. He has to continue providing all her needs, satisfying her in bed and protect her from harm, so she doesn’t think of someone else. Jesus said sexual thought is adultery. He doesn’t want this to happen. He lives in constant fear of loosing her. This, of course, is counterproductive.
Love requires trust,. To love someone is to allow them to be their Authentic self. He suffocates her with his love. She desires to be free from him.

Mutual Love is ideal

The concept of monogamous marriage is a prison we create. It is ok to be in a monogamous relationship. It is alright to prioritize one relationship over a period of time but to remain in one forever is a disaster. Ancient man know it is impossible to stick to one partner forever. He misses his young moment of wooing various girls. The challenge of winning her love thrills him. To avoid this, Early man permitted polygamy. But he did not allow the girl to enjoy the same freedom. Rather, he taught her to cover all her flesh whenever she went out so other men do not admire his goods. She should not display an iota of Skin to the preying eyes of men. If she disobeys, she is called a slut. Her beauty is no longer hers. Her husband owns her. He explores his sexuality while denying her hers. Her body desires another even if it is for a moment. She needs someone else to spice up her routine sex life. She desires a new style, a new person. She engages in a one-night stand. Cheating arises from the body desire to escape from the societal cage. She is accused of being unfaithful to her husband. She alone knows how much she still loves her husband. Her heart is capable of loving more than one.

Are you t
in love?

God is Love, and we are created in the image of love. The human soul is capable of loving so many but incapable of owning them all. True love is selfless. False love is selfish.

John 3: 16 tells us that God loved the world that he gave…….

God proved his love for humanity by sacrificing for the benefit of humanity. True love is in giving a part of oneself for the benefit of that which he loves. False love seeks to own the object of love. False love uses the object of love to satisfy his own need.

Marriage of today is based on false love. Women use men to satisfy her desire for a child, financial security etc. Men use women to satisfy his sexual urge and render domestic service. We ban prostitution. Marriage is legalized prostitution. Sex is traded for bride-price. The difference is the duration and sincerity. Prostitute has no feeling for you and you know it. In marriage, you both think you are in love when you love with the benefit the relationship brings. Take away those benefits and fight increases.

As long as a price is attached to the bride, she will be regarded as a property. African feminist should consider a campaign against bride-price

When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

Marriage can be a prison. Divorce is an escape. Choose your cellmate wisely

One can love another without desire to be in a relationship with such a person. One can give to another without any intention of getting married to such a person. Relationship is a desire to grow together with the person. When the other person desire to grow in a different direction, one can only admire from a distance or support the person in whatever form one chooses.

To truly love means to allow your partner the freedom to be.
To release the fear that they will stop choosing you and move on to another, to relinquish control and simply focus on being the absolute BEST version of you.

Choose love over possession.

Love is freedom. Love is not possessive.

Laws of being a side chick ( just for laugh)

Being honest with myself, I have never really been on the high ground when it comes to morality, or rather, what the society defines as morality. I support abortion, I wouldn’t throw a rock on anyone who does it. I show skin….a lot when I dress up and I love my body so much.

Once again, sis is here to sound ‘immoral’.

Hello moral police of the society, I hope you well, here and cheers to more future fights.

So…sidechick-ing. Quite an intriguing idea.

Let’s all note this fact, a side chick is not a home-wrecker. Or a mistress. She is nothing more than a side dish. More like desert, or those meals that you get served at a restaurant before the main course, let’s be honest, aren’t they the sweetest?

Before we go any further, I would just like to say that this article is penned down by a proud hypothetically…side chick. One that doesn’t live by the moral guidelines of the society or what the society regards as conventional as a means to soothe their ego.

Lots of us in our twenties have the rush to find the perfect man, but really, is there a perfect man? Are you a perfect man?

Being a side chick means you giving out something that the number one woman isn’t, let’s all admit that to some level, this is flattery. But being a side chic is hell of a task, juggling the innocently clueless girlfriend, scandals and drama, headache and a never ending love triangle. But who knows, you may eventually be the main, don’t count on this though, just have fun.

Self-made rules to being a side chick.

Always keep the secret.

LOL.
Keep your mouth shut even from your best friend. This whole affair is clandestine, nobody wants to hear your story. You are a secret, your relationship is a secret and letting it out there would just ruin the fun. Learn to stay in your lane always.

 You may find yourself in situations that may twist your mind to make you think you need to admit that you are a side chick, do not! Let the man be the one to do it, if he wants to. With millennial, you may have the urge to profess this affair on social media, don’t listen to that devil please. Nobody wants to hear about your coastal vacation with the man who’s involved with nani (who) Rule numero uno!

Stay away from PDA’s

FOR POSTING HIS HAIR. HAHA
You just can’t go public with him no matter how much you want to. Without secrecy your relationship is dead. Lol. Honestly, you do not want to go out displaying affection to the guy we know is dating who. Unless you want to give the public a show. It may get messy real quick.

Set the goals for the relationship and stick to them.

A man can date his soul mate a secret for his whole life and keep it a secret, and so he will have no problem keeping a secret of you. Set the goal for the relationship and keep it a secret. Have funn.

Avoid drama like you avoid covid-19

When someone hears the word side chick, what rings in their mind is drama. If you are a drama queen, take it to the movies please. Be the safe haven, where he comes to find peace and safety. Thou shall never leave behind, a scent, a nail, an earring, a bra or a piece of hair for the main chick to uncover and cause drama.

Do not, I repeat, do not ask him for money.

Do not litter this ‘relationship’ with tenets of quid pro quo principle. This may sound ironic but never ask this man for money otherwise you will end up feeling like a cheap prostitute who gives out sex for money. Make the relationship all about fantasies. Offer that which ye cannot get from any other. If you desperate, find ways of outsourcing that cash but never ever ask him for money.

Avoid falling at all costs

You’d not want to be in something toxic, and remember that when you were getting into this, you agreed that there would be no strings attached. Now this may seem like the simplest rule and when you look at that man you feel like you have your reasons for falling for him. Or that you are too ambitious and looking forward to be a main chick.Strong feelings may develop, just make sure that feeling is not love.  Do not fall for him!!  

Do not get pregnant.

This man is not yours. Now at 20something you don’t plan on getting a baby for your boyfriend, don’t risk it with a guy who just wants to satisfy his fantasies. Have fun, stay safe…from corona and accidental pregnancies.

Get into this fully knowing the risks of being a side chick and do not concern yourself with this guy’s main. Otherwise, have fun .

Mancrine jangu

Slutshaming among men and women

Slut shaming is the act of humiliating one for issues concerning ones sexuality. Women are mostly at the receiving end.One of the quickest way to hurt a girl is to tell her she is sexually loose. Many practices are considered inappropriate when done by a woman but accepted when committed by men.

Women are more likely to be punnished for putting on revealing clothes,purchasing birth control pills, expressing sex urge and prostitution. A study reveals that bye standers are less. Likely to come to the aid of a woman when she is dressed in revealing outfit. A woman who plays good and hides her sexual appetite is considered a potential awife.

Men are attracted by sight . A woman who reveals a lot gets the attention of guys who desire to have her and take her to bed. In the ancient times, women are seen as men possession. She is either owned by her parents when single or her husband when married. He tells her how to dress so that other guys would not invade her territory.Every guy protect his property from invaders.A sexually looses wife could get pregnant from another guy and bring the baby home to the man . He would not like to spend time, effort and resources raising another man child. Sexually reserved girls are valuable and sought after by suitors. A naive girl does not know any better. Any sex with his first partner would be satisfactory. Girls are attached to whoever disflowers her. A slut is assumed to have a wide farmland. It would be difficult for a guy with a narrow pencil to cultivate the land. Morever, a slut has numerous experience and could differentiate good from bad men in bed. A virgin may see a guy as a king but a slut knows he is just a learner. This account for the preference for virgin’s over sluts for men considering marriage.Fathers slut shame their daughter so top suitors can ask her hand in marriage. He hardly slut shame other ladies he is not related to. Men love slut as long as he is not related to her.He loves the short term sex they offer .

Women on the other hand understand that all social interaction is guided by the law of demand and supply. By applying the price elasticity of supply ,ladies unite to create an artificial scarcity of their punny while demand remain constant . This increases price (value). Ladies who dress totally covered and act prude make sex hard to come by . In return for sex, ladies demand commitment in form of marriage . Marriage serves as security for her during the times of pregnancy and child rearing. For this to work, ladies have to be in unity. They all have to play hard to get to increase their perceived value .When most ladies are sexually free, conservative women loose their power.

Whenever a lady likes a guy, she can only give green light. She will never tell him her feelings. This is because she does not want to loose her feminine power.She understand that the one less interested in a relationship controls it. She pretends she does not like sex so she maintains her power. Guys with high sex drive are easily manipulated by ladies.

For this reason, women slut shame each other more to act like a watch dog against themselves. They redicule their promiscuous peers to keep them in line. As communities fight wars, wives lost their husbands in battle . These widows would spend years without having sex . They can no longer hide their desire for it.They ended up as second wives or prostitute. Prostitution became necessary to cater for their sexual need and proceeds to take care of their children. These widow turned prostitutes offered services to single men who wanted experience but not ready for marriage. Women are loosing their power. They bash widows harder expelling the woman from all female gathering. In Rome,Women put on a special robe which sluts are prevented from wearing to mark a higher virtuous group from the lower promiscuous group. Young widows are patronised more than aged widows. They love the money they make and the freedom. They prefer not to get married again . Their daughter imitate them . Sluts are threat to marriage .

Slut shaming is a social construct. Feminist should stop blaming patriarchy for the act It is obvious that both gender are guilty for different reasons. We should look at the effect on the individual. A girl committed suicide for being called a slut. Her self-esteem was badly damaged. Women can begin by standing up to themselves when slut shamed.

What type of relationship are you into?

This is a blog post I culled . Hope you can relate

Dating today is so confusing, in my day if you went out with someone, spent time with them and talked on the phone on a daily basis you were dating. Plain and simple. Not so today.

People can be “talking” which means that they are not talking to or seeing anyone else but they aren’t quite ready to make anything official with a label like boyfriend or girlfriend.

 Talking people have sex, but they are not dating. Wow! Then once you are dating, which means you have a label now, then it is probably Facebook official. Once you are Facebook official that’s it, everyone knows then. You are pretty much off of the market at this point. So don’t say you were talking to someone just because you had a conversation, because that could mean a lot more than you think. W

also have our hooking up people, these people just have sex without any emotional connection. It can be one night stands or people that just have sex whenever they want to.

Which leads us to friends with benefits, these people do care about each other, but not in a romantic way, but trust each other enough to have sex with each other. This is all good till someone gets attached. Wow it was just easier when we dated.

I decided to look further into this dating lingo. There is a lot of it out there. I’ll share my research with you. Well apparently a fluffer is a person that prepares someone to be ready for a relationship, but they don’t actually enter in to a relationship with the person. They are people that someone likes to sleep with but they won’t date them. Then the next person they sleep with they do enter in to a relationship with them. So the fluffer is like a rehearsal for the real thing. This sounds like a terrible situation to be in.

Then there are the recyclers that go back to exes. There can be many reasons for this. I just feel that if we left that person for a reason, why would we go back to a relationship that was not healthy. People with healthy relationships usually don’t end them. This can occur because people like comfort so even if the relationship wasn’t great they have history. They know each other and they won’t have to try to get to know another person. I feel like this might be a little lazy. Being use to someone or comfortable doesn’t seem like the best reason to go back or continue a long term relationship.

The terms can get a little cruel at times.

You have benching for instance which means you don’t really want to date someone but you want them on the bench if you need or want them later. If you are lonely and your first string isn’t available, go to the old reliable bench warmer. They aren’t good enough for a relationship but they are ok for a backup plan. Benching sounds cruel and manipulative. You give them just enough communication to keep them on the string.

In the old days this would have been know as stringing someone along. another term that occurs when you are dating someone that doesn’t introduce you to any of their friends or family. You are their secret boyfriend/girlfriend.

For more, contact Berth on datingcrimes.com

This brings us to the catfishing. Catfishing is extremely cruel. This is when someone creates a fake social media account and it is used to scam others. They target an individual and have an online relationship with them. Quickly telling them intimate things about their lives and getting information from their target to use to manipulate them. These are cruel people usually out for some type of monetary gain. I, unfortunately, know several people who have been taken advantage of in this manner. They have lost thousands of dollars to people that said they needed help to get back into the country, or out of a lease so that they can come to them and marry them. So cruel to prey on vulnerable people. These are elaborate scams using pictures of soldiers or other individuals that don’t even know that their pictures are being used for such a devious act.

Ghosting has been around for ages, but we just recently gave it that name. Ghosting is when you are friends or lovers one day and the next day you hear nothing. It’s like you don’t exist to them anymore. What makes this happen? It is so confusing to the one being ghosted. They of course wrack their brain thinking about what they could have possibly done to make their friend just forget about them. Is it worth worrying about, or do we just let go and figure we didn’t matter much to them in the first place. Of course, ideally, we would get some closure in the situation, but some people are too chicken shit to give any closure. They hide and ignore. So cruel. These people tend to have a host of shallow, non emotional friendships that are very surface. There is no depth to them. When someone tries to get too close they just go away. They just let people go like they are disposable. They don’t even have the integrity to explain. 

Zombieing is a by product of ghosting, it is when the ghost returns to your life like they were never gone.

Breadcrumbing is another messed up way to treat people. This is when you pursue someone but you really don’t want to be in a committed relationship. They start out sending text making you feel as though they are vested in the relationship, but they run when things start to get a little to serious. This could lead to you being cushioned, which means that your dating partner will start to openly flirt with others so that you will have an idea that a breakup is coming. They are too chicken shit to break up so they play a sick little game to prepare you.

I’m not sure when things got so devious in the dating world. Was it always like this, we just didn’t see it because we didn’t have social media. It makes it scary to enter that dating pool. Wow so many things going against you. What is wrong with the people that perpetrate these behaviors? Are they people that possess personality disorders or are they just opportunist? What is the deal? Are they people that shouldn’t be involved in relationships, because they are emotionally incapable of being a decent human being? I sometimes think they must be tremendously flawed individuals that have been so hurt in their past that they look at people as pawns to be played with whenever it suits them. Well, my friends, these people can’t get away with that behavior forever. If you are flawed get help, if you don’t want to be in a relationship don’t send mixed signals, don’t play with peoples hearts and heads, because karma is a bitch. One day you will love someone and they will not return those feelings, if you’re lucky they won’t play with you long enough to destroy a part of you. If you aren’t that lucky, you will know exactly how you made someone else feel. Dating didn’t use to be so confusing. Be careful out there my friends, but don’t let the flawed make you lose out on someone

contact Berth at datincrime.com

Before we get too serious

There is something I have been wanting to tell you but do not have the courage to look you in the face . I guess the best way to go about is through the pen .

The first time I set my eyes on you, I fell in love with you. I never believed in love at first sight until I met you. We have been dating for sometime now.

I brought out my lovable side, my strength to you so I could win your love in return.  In the process, I hid my weaknesses from you.   you do not know the real me . I am scared you would flee if I do reveal my true self.  Our relationship is getting serious and it gladdens my heart. At the same time,I feel true friends deserve to be authentic to each other. Morever, I may not be able to conceal my less appealing side any longer.

If you are expecting an ideal partner, I am afraid you got the wrong guy. I will not always be the one to dry your tears. Yes I would hurt you but It would never be out of malice but oversight and ego.I would make you cry attimes.you should take me as I am not asyou desire me to be.

I may look  always self sufficient and  confident, underneath, I I am insecured. I have learnt to conceal my true feeling like a man. I have this ability to sweet talk you and promise you heaven in other to make you feel better or get you to do something for me. I may not be able to deliver.

I am working on myself to be a better person. I will try to make you happy by trial and error . I  need your feedback to tell me how you desire to be loved as I may not be able to read your mind.

Never expect me to apologise to you in public . I got my ego to protect but I will always achnowledge my wrong while I am alone with you.

Attached are the phone number of my former partners. You may contact them for more information about me. Review my history and decide with your eyes wide open before we take a step forward. I will not disappoint you if you know me as a falliable person. I would be extremely glad knowing you would accept my flaws and fault. I would not hold it against you should you decide to call it off though. I expect your feedback in two weeks time.

How would you respond to this letter?

Monogamy is not for everyone

Marriage is an individual choice and not a collective one. The government has no business regulating how I use my genital.  It is mine and mine alone.  I decide who I choose to get married to . I can decide to share it with a single person or a married person.  It is  my freedom to choose to be a celibate or be married.   While married, I decide with my partner whether to make it open relationship or monogamy.

Marriage is not for everyone. There are people who are happier single. I mean those who are do introverted that they cannot tolerate a very long time without feeling drained. There are people who prefer long distance relationship with few visits and frequent absence rather than continued presence.  those whose high attention sexual urge cannot be satisfied by any one individual. There are others who dislike the boredom of sticking to one  partner scares the hell out of them. Variety is the spice of life.The fun of experimenting with various sizes and  types thrills them. There are yet another group whose need for independence and freedom makes them dislike the idea of  consulting with another before making decision.  There is another group that  love to be in motion. They wake up one morning and decide to relocate to another state only to explore another culture the next year. Traveling is their hobby and getting married with kids hinders that . Settling down is like a death trap. Flowing water is cleaner. Stagnant water attracts mosquitoes and other microorganism.

Human needs are various. the concept of getting married does not fit into their ideal future. They are better off single or in an open relationship. imposing  monogamy marriage on them will choke them. Their partner and children would suffer . Cheating is bound to occur. The fact that cheating still exist means we should question the effectiveness of monogamy and possibility of open marriage.

Investment experts would advice you never to put all your eggs in one basket to mitigate against risk. Economic  expert suggest diversification and not depending on only crude oil. Why don’t we  Apply  the same analogy to our own emotional life.   Risk is mitigated when we stop expecting one person to be our confident, sexual satisfier ,friend, mother of children etc. Can we consider open marriage and celibacy as alternative to monogamy