A boss lashes at the subordinate for a minor mistake. The subordinate does not react . He might loose his job. He goes home still habouring the ill-treatment. His wife serves him a plate of food. He complains the food is salty. She reminds him it is the same food he claimed to enjoy the previous day. He yells at her. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. It is the pastor. He opens the door still stuck with anger . The tone of his voice changes and he becomes polite and friendly. When the pastor leaves, he reverts back to yelling at his wife.
Like Femi, the way we react to anger differ. In anger, we can yell at our subordinate because we are sure to get away with it. Anger is a feeling like hunger. We do not eat a stone out of hunger. There is a period to think of the consequences of our action.
Anger is a tool that can be used achieve an objective. We can tune it on and off at our disposal. We only need a little trigger from an external person. At times, we shout to get the other person to submit to us. Individuals who seek power to control others switch on their anger tap at will. Fearful, conflict avoidant individual comply to their directive easily. Both parties should learn to use effective communication tools .
Each time I look at every record released by any national agency, I notice a huge discrepancy between the core north and the south. Southern states top the literacy chart, number of successful WAEC candidate, number of jamb candidate, number of yearly graduates, etc. An outsider would believe the north are marginalized by other regions. This is not true. Our educational standard has been reduced to encourage the northerners to consider going to school. A pupil from that region needs to score fifty marks to get admitted into unity school whereas his counterpart in the south needs to struggle for a hundred and fifty marks. They are simply marked as educational disadvantaged state. I wonder how long they would continue to get pampered. Goodluck Jonathan initiated a free education system yet the same people massively voted him out. If he had done the same to the south, he would have been immortalized.
I do not believe that God created them with a deformed brain incapable of assimilating the Western concept. The likes of Sanusi Lamido Sanusi and Nasir El Rufai is a proof that great brains can come out from the region. It seems there is a conspiracy not to educate the masses. The way the almajiri free education system died quickly is an evidence that the elites do not want her people educated.
Education is dangerous to the political structure. An educated person can see beyond the deception of the elite.
Western education is dangerous to the religious practice. Western education encourage curiosity and doubt. The elite prefers to control the thought of its citizen. They want them to read only books they approve of. Books that makes it easier for the citizen to comply to their directive. It is a sin to read non approved books. They may open your eyes to the Ill of the controller. To prevent this, they give you only Religion education.
When Emir (Dr) Sanusi admonished his people against giving birth to numerous children beyond their ability to feed, there was an uproar. His ideas were against the status quo. He was exposing his fellow elite. Today, Emir Sanusi is no longer a traditional ruler. ,The Elite will g at iany length to shut the truth. The current Governor of Kano state,the man who dethroned Emir Dr Sanusi was quoted to have admitted that bokoharam recruit Almajiri boys into it’s fold.
Educated persons understand that an increase in population would result to a struggle for limited resources. . In the western world, more children means more tax. Barack Obama had only two children. Good luck Jonathan had less than four children. A northern senator boasted of thirteen children.
The Elites encourage them to continue to give birth to more children. God will take care of them. Those who are so poor that they could not afford to finance a wedding need not worry, the government used a public fund to sponsor their mass wedding. The leaders are not interested in educated people or a well-trained offspring. The leaders want more population to win votes. Poor people are interested in their stomach. They would do anything you ask them to do. They are easily recruited as hoodlums to snatch ballot boxes and commit other hoodlum. He may be told to drive into a park and press a button. He may be told that is what God wants him to do. He doesn’t know it is a bomb. A hungry, uneducated man is easier to deceive. In other words, they are advocate of pro birth, pro death and pro suffering.
Religion is an easy tool to achieve their aim. Religion teaches supremacy of belief. Our Religion is superior to theirs. When we identify with a religion, we have positive feeling towards in group members and negative emotion towards out-group members. It reinforces Us vs them. Whoever does not belong to us is against us. With Religion, it becomes easier to discourage western education. It becomes easier to fight against western education. This brings prejudice and violence. It is easier to convince poor Religious persons to die in the name of the almighty. A rich man will not leave his wealth behind. An educated man will doubt such teachings.
The society want its people to remain stupid it’s whole life because uneducated people are obedient. They do not have the cognition to understand how the elite use them like a pawn for selfish purpose. The elite wants living robots.
Education presents a different concept and hands the reader the liberty to choose as he deems fit. Western education breeds tolerance. One must not stick to gender norms. Women are free to aspire to be whomever they want. Education provides power to think for one self. It is the route to cognitive freedom, political freedom and religious freedom.
Other regions are tired of this region. The Igbos have not hidden their desire to break away from this region. The Niger -deltans cannot understand why this region controls derivative from the oil well. The middle belt laments they are being marginalized. This region cannot continue to be lagging behind while clamoring for power. Should each region get her autonomy, the core north would be the worst hit.
The uneducated man who sponsors a girl throughout school in to marry her should examine his conscience. A selfless lover would notice a potential in her and desire to develop such talent via educating her. The moment he begins to guilt-trip her into marriage, he becomes a selfish lover. His generosity no longer counts as an act of kindness. He is only using her to satisfy his desire to own(marry) an educated person. He desires to improve his perceived status among his uneducated peers for marrying one of a higher status. He is no different from the rich man who gives while making a public show of it. The lady on the other hand desires a man to help her achieve her goal to be educated. She had to pretend to be love him to achieve her goal. There was no love. Each person only desired to use the other. The lady only outsmarted him in the selfish web. Some readers said he would have married her first before spending a dime on her. . It changes nothing. It does not guarantee a happy union. Who says she will not catch feelings for another person ? Who says she will not seek divorce later? It only transforms the problem. We need to examine our perception of love.
Marriage is born of selfish love. We so often fall into the trap that the other person belongs to us. This simply can never be true. We love based on how useful the other person is to us. Husbands use their wives. Wives use their husband. The Hausa phrase I naso ki” is translated as I love you or I want you. If we love someone, we must desire to have such a person. If I see a flower, I must pluck the flower or I purchase the land. If I love a girl, I must own the girl by marriage. Bride price is a sign of ownership. This notion of love is distorted.
He has to prevent her from catching feelings for another man. Rather than giving love space and room to breathe, he clings to it, desperate to make the feeling stay. He has to continue providing all her needs, satisfying her in bed and protect her from harm, so she doesn’t think of someone else. Jesus said sexual thought is adultery. He doesn’t want this to happen. He lives in constant fear of loosing her. This, of course, is counterproductive. Love requires trust,. To love someone is to allow them to be their Authentic self. He suffocates her with his love. She desires to be free from him.
The concept of monogamous marriage is a prison we create. It is ok to be in a monogamous relationship. It is alright to prioritize one relationship over a period of time but to remain in one forever is a disaster. Ancient man know it is impossible to stick to one partner forever. He misses his young moment of wooing various girls. The challenge of winning her love thrills him. To avoid this, Early man permitted polygamy. But he did not allow the girl to enjoy the same freedom. Rather, he taught her to cover all her flesh whenever she went out so other men do not admire his goods. She should not display an iota of Skin to the preying eyes of men. If she disobeys, she is called a slut. Her beauty is no longer hers. Her husband owns her. He explores his sexuality while denying her hers. Her body desires another even if it is for a moment. She needs someone else to spice up her routine sex life. She desires a new style, a new person. She engages in a one-night stand. Cheating arises from the body desire to escape from the societal cage. She is accused of being unfaithful to her husband. She alone knows how much she still loves her husband. Her heart is capable of loving more than one.
God is Love, and we are created in the image of love. The human soul is capable of loving so many but incapable of owning them all. True love is selfless. False love is selfish.
John 3: 16 tells us that God loved the world that he gave…….
God proved his love for humanity by sacrificing for the benefit of humanity. True love is in giving a part of oneself for the benefit of that which he loves. False love seeks to own the object of love. False love uses the object of love to satisfy his own need.
Marriage of today is based on false love. Women use men to satisfy her desire for a child, financial security etc. Men use women to satisfy his sexual urge and render domestic service. We ban prostitution. Marriage is legalized prostitution. Sex is traded for bride-price. The difference is the duration and sincerity. Prostitute has no feeling for you and you know it. In marriage, you both think you are in love when you love with the benefit the relationship brings. Take away those benefits and fight increases.
When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.
When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.
One can love another without desire to be in a relationship with such a person. One can give to another without any intention of getting married to such a person. Relationship is a desire to grow together with the person. When the other person desire to grow in a different direction, one can only admire from a distance or support the person in whatever form one chooses.
To truly love means to allow your partner the freedom to be. To release the fear that they will stop choosing you and move on to another, to relinquish control and simply focus on being the absolute BEST version of you.