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authentic emotion nigeria

Artificial Anger

A boss lashes at the subordinate for a minor mistake. The subordinate does not react . He might loose his job. He goes home still habouring the ill-treatment. His wife serves him a plate of food. He complains the food is salty. She reminds him it is the same food he claimed to enjoy the previous day. He yells at her. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. It is the pastor. He opens the door still stuck with anger . The tone of his voice changes and he becomes polite and friendly. When the pastor leaves, he reverts back to yelling at his wife.

Like Femi, the way we react to anger differ. In anger, we can yell at our subordinate because we are sure to get away with it. Anger is a feeling like hunger. We do not eat a stone out of hunger. There is a period to think of the consequences of our action.

Anger is a tool that can be used achieve an objective. We can tune it on and off at our disposal. We only need a little trigger from an external person. At times, we shout to get the other person to submit to us. Individuals who seek power to control others switch on their anger tap at will. Fearful, conflict avoidant individual comply to their directive easily. Both parties should learn to use effective communication tools .

Categories
family feminism gender nigeria women

Before you blame the man

I am not in support of physical assault of any form. I believe there are numerous ways we can discipline an individual. Nevertheless,No one is perfect. Let us be careful not to ignore the role women play to incite violence. True,Some men can be aggressive. Some persons have anger management issue and some women know when to use it to her Advantage. What about ladies who take on their partner emotional weakness? This story will illustrate my point.

Since I gave birth, my husband no longer give me the attention he used to. He spends more time at work. When he finally gets home, he quicky goes to bed to prepare for the next day. We engage in superficial discussion-the bills, our son, the neighbors, the house etc. He rarely comments on my outfit. There are times I would move around naked yet he would not mutter a world. He would be physical present with me yet thinking of his work. Sex was mechanical. He did not care If I cummed.He would sleep off afterwards. I cannot bear the neglect. I have tried to give him subtle hint as a woman. He is unable to interpret my signs. I have come out openly yet he plays it down. I got no choice but to proboki him The other day, I nagged bitterly. He walked out of the house. Every attempt I make shuts him down.I just came back from work and he did not bother to ask how work went. He fixed his eyes on the television screen watching a soccer match. I tried initiating a conversation with him but his eyes are fixed on the screen while giving me monosyllabic reply. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“GBAM”

I hit the television screen with a kitchen pistle until it blacked out. For the first time, he gazed his eyes toward my direction. He rushed me like an angry lion pouncing on its prey . I was unable to count the series of slaps and punches that landed on my face. I passed out and found myself in the hospital. I was bedridden for three days.

I came back home and met a changed man. He apologized for laying his hands on me. I still felt pain from the beating. He served me breakfast in bed. He would call me thrice while at work to know how I was faring. Knowing he was thinking of me while at work made me blush. He reminded me of the days we courted. I felt desired once again. I continued giving him the silent treatment for two weeks. I wanted to enjoy his affection while it lasted. I finally accepted his persistent apology.Our made up sex was fantastic. My satisfaction was his concern. He cuddled me afterwards. I have learnt that damaging what he cherishes most and receiving the beating of my life was the only way to get back the love we once had.It is a matter of time before he begins to ignore me again. Next time, I would break his car windscreen.

Some women can attest to this. Women spend time trying to understand their partner emotion. They know the best time to get money from him and the best time to ask for a favor. They also know what pisses him off and try to avoid it. She knows certain acts that makes him angry yet she does it and plays victim. When he reacts violently, the society label him a wife beater . Ever wonder why such women hardly leave their partner.The excuse I love him that is why I can’t leave him is bullshit. She love the attention ,the affection, the chase for forgiveness, the small shakara and the make up sex that comes with it. Other girls have their own reason for pushing him into hitting her.

This repeats itself until the man discovers that she subtly creates occasion to be beaten . He says to himself I think she loves it when I beat her up. She continues to provoke him and he continues to beat her up.The cycle continues. The worst mistake a concerned one would do is to suggest she leaves her husband. She will accuse you of trying to break her home.

Erin Pizzey, a vocal feminist spoke strongly against domestic violence. She founded a home for victims of women abuse. On one occasion she interviewed the victim and realized that she was equally abusive. She interviewed the rest and discovered that over seventy percent of the victim she rescued were equally as violent as the men. She made her findings public. She was suspended from the group she founded and was threatened by the victim she rescued.

Whenever you hear cases of domestic abuse, do not be quick to blame the man. Investigate the character of the girl first.

Categories
emotion life nigeria police security

2020- A year of anger

Anger flows in the land. The people are walking like a ticking time bomb waiting for any little fuel to ignite the internal flame. . The citizen stayed at home in an empty stomach to comply with the COVID-19 lock down order. The government wants her citizen safe from the virus. The citizen is threatened by hunger. A hungry man is an angry man. After the lock down, the organization laid off her workers. The hungry citizen are jobless. Anger is doubled. Officers of the Nigerian police force continued to be brutal. A joyful person could tolerate a certain percentage of pain. An angry person already feels pain. He seeks to eliminate the pain on the stomach and the pain of joblessness. He needs no physical pain from the local authorities. One little trigger was sufficient to ignite the pain he has been repressing. The youth protest began. It spread from police brutality to bad governance and then looting of warehouses.

Some Christians diverted their anger to God. They felt a sense of betrayal for not being protected from the massive job loss despite obeying all his commandment, rules and ritual. They felt used and dumped by the creator. Staying at home without going to church did not end their lives. So why bother going? A gradual loss of faith.

Others diverted their grievance to the clergy. Few church leaders launched an online platform for tithe collection. A hungry and jobless Christian threatened with eternal punishment for not paying tithe is the last thing an angry person expects from the religious leaders. Members expected the church to feed them the way Christ fed the five thousand. Their disappointment led them to swear not to go to that church again.

Anger like Joy, hunger, or sadness is neither good nor bad. It is an emotion to be felt. Anger can be a fuel for transforming one’s life. We need to be angry at our present circumstance before we can act to change them. Righteous anger is when we feel the pain of the oppressed and try to stop it. when we are angry, we feel it calmly to understand its source. Impatient anger could lead to violence or Hasty decision when we lash out instantly.

Righteous anger is speaking against the religious practice that is harmful or religious leaders that abuse their trust. Jesus vented his anger at the religious leaders in his time. He called them hypocrite. He scattered the moneymakers in the temple. He stated that his life mission is to free the captive. That includes those in religious bondage. He was not operating from hurt targeted at him. It was not a revenge mission. He was interested in uplifting humanity. Examine your anger holistically.

We hope 2021 would be better