Categories
family feminism gender nigeria women

Before you blame the man

I am not in support of physical assault of any form. I believe there are numerous ways we can discipline an individual. Nevertheless,No one is perfect. Let us be careful not to ignore the role women play to incite violence. True,Some men can be aggressive. Some persons have anger management issue and some women know when to use it to her Advantage. What about ladies who take on their partner emotional weakness? This story will illustrate my point.

Since I gave birth, my husband no longer give me the attention he used to. He spends more time at work. When he finally gets home, he quicky goes to bed to prepare for the next day. We engage in superficial discussion-the bills, our son, the neighbors, the house etc. He rarely comments on my outfit. There are times I would move around naked yet he would not mutter a world. He would be physical present with me yet thinking of his work. Sex was mechanical. He did not care If I cummed.He would sleep off afterwards. I cannot bear the neglect. I have tried to give him subtle hint as a woman. He is unable to interpret my signs. I have come out openly yet he plays it down. I got no choice but to proboki him The other day, I nagged bitterly. He walked out of the house. Every attempt I make shuts him down.I just came back from work and he did not bother to ask how work went. He fixed his eyes on the television screen watching a soccer match. I tried initiating a conversation with him but his eyes are fixed on the screen while giving me monosyllabic reply. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“GBAM”

I hit the television screen with a kitchen pistle until it blacked out. For the first time, he gazed his eyes toward my direction. He rushed me like an angry lion pouncing on its prey . I was unable to count the series of slaps and punches that landed on my face. I passed out and found myself in the hospital. I was bedridden for three days.

I came back home and met a changed man. He apologized for laying his hands on me. I still felt pain from the beating. He served me breakfast in bed. He would call me thrice while at work to know how I was faring. Knowing he was thinking of me while at work made me blush. He reminded me of the days we courted. I felt desired once again. I continued giving him the silent treatment for two weeks. I wanted to enjoy his affection while it lasted. I finally accepted his persistent apology.Our made up sex was fantastic. My satisfaction was his concern. He cuddled me afterwards. I have learnt that damaging what he cherishes most and receiving the beating of my life was the only way to get back the love we once had.It is a matter of time before he begins to ignore me again. Next time, I would break his car windscreen.

Some women can attest to this. Women spend time trying to understand their partner emotion. They know the best time to get money from him and the best time to ask for a favor. They also know what pisses him off and try to avoid it. She knows certain acts that makes him angry yet she does it and plays victim. When he reacts violently, the society label him a wife beater . Ever wonder why such women hardly leave their partner.The excuse I love him that is why I can’t leave him is bullshit. She love the attention ,the affection, the chase for forgiveness, the small shakara and the make up sex that comes with it. Other girls have their own reason for pushing him into hitting her.

This repeats itself until the man discovers that she subtly creates occasion to be beaten . He says to himself I think she loves it when I beat her up. She continues to provoke him and he continues to beat her up.The cycle continues. The worst mistake a concerned one would do is to suggest she leaves her husband. She will accuse you of trying to break her home.

Erin Pizzey, a vocal feminist spoke strongly against domestic violence. She founded a home for victims of women abuse. On one occasion she interviewed the victim and realized that she was equally abusive. She interviewed the rest and discovered that over seventy percent of the victim she rescued were equally as violent as the men. She made her findings public. She was suspended from the group she founded and was threatened by the victim she rescued.

Whenever you hear cases of domestic abuse, do not be quick to blame the man. Investigate the character of the girl first.

Categories
nigeria police

Of power and Lies

I have heard different versions of the lekki massacre. The first version claimed the soldiers were never at the venue. The second version claimed they were present but did not shoot. The third version claimed they fired blank bullet. Meanwhile, the military does not want her mortuary investigated. Information is still blurred on the number ofcasualty. One DJ claimed over 78 lives were lost only to withdraw the figures the next day.The governor insisted he didn’t invite the soldiers insisting military do not take orders from state Governor. Governor disagrees with that assertion. Are the military and governor trying to cover up a fault? Is the DJ trying to win attention? Is she careless in speech?

The average Nigerian is not sure of what to believe. The people who hold the power- security agencies and leaders are not telling the truth. Truth does not change. It is constant under various circumstance. Lies change.

If our representative were men of integrity, they would be careful in the usage of words, aspiring to be accurate without colouring . The DJ would not state for fact that which he is not sure. There is a difference between error and deceit. A man may be in error yet live bravely by it. He will boldly admit his error when he discovers his mistake.He who is untruthful in his life knows the truth but denies it.

There are rumors that family of the dead were threatened not to come out . A truthful person is courageous enough to stick to what he withnessed. He would not be honest when it pays and forsake honesty when it hurts. Truth is the shortest distance between fact and the expression of it.

Untruth creates conflict. Two lies breeds oppositionand seek to destroy each other.

Categories
africa nigeria police politics security world

Game leaders play

Leaders love loyalist. They create one by disempowering its people. . They reward you for compliance and punnish you for deviance. They maintain dominance over our thoughts until they have conquered our minds. They make laws to own citizen and make them comply easily.They produce semirobots only fit for taking orders.

They create a false educational system that focus on patrotism,Civic education, history, memorisation, recitation and other useless lesson. Thanks to the internet, youth have learnt to educate themselves on other areas like philosophy,practical entrepreneurship psychology, to inprove skill and reasoning.Youth can see behind the illusion.

The youth seizes to be loyalist to the leader. The leader tried to pet it by hurriedly agreeing to her demand. The thinking youth seeing through the deceptive eyes of the leader refused to fall for the trick. The leader senses that if he permits the deviance much longer, the entire people could join in the revolt. The leader opted to insert drug to the youth.

If we attack the youth,we loose. If they attack themselves, we win.

By giving the group a terrible name, nothing the youth says may be taken lightly . The drug is called hoodlum.To get a drug , they look for To recruit hoodlums,  they seek broken, insecure, vain ,angry people and give them a token.

By inserting the drug on the youth, the world sees the youth as terrible persons. They understand that only a United squad can break the rulers. They try to divide the group. Hoodlums attack youth and destroy property. Youth get angry and retaliate. Government send security forces to maintain law and order. They begin by weeding out the agitating youth out of the Earth like a doctor cutting off the diseased arm so it does not infect the rest.

Categories
africa gender law nigeria politics Uncategorized world

Before you cast a stone

For the first time in a while, Nigerians from all works of life lent their voice to the ill-treatment carried out by the Special Anti Robbery squad department (SARS) of the National Police Force(NPF). This shows that the people can put aside her differences and unite against a common foe. A true test of democracy is evident when those in power fear the anger of the people and not when the people are scared of those in power.

While it is easy to point accusing fingers, we should be free of committing the same crime we accuse them of. The members of the special anti robbery squad were not imported from a foreign country . They are one of us. They represent a subset of the total population . The action they commit is a reflection of what the average Nigerian is capable of doing in position of power . What differentiate the average Nigerian from SARS is that the later is permitted by law to use force and arms to enforce laws . Many a times, The wealthy ones use her financial strength to influence SARS to bully his adversity. Why are we quick to castigate them when they are tools in our hands .

In our homes,We are worse than SARS when we devalue women as male property and excercise control over their lives. We want to dress how we want while we tell the ladies what to wear. We are worse than SARS when we use her as punching bag. We are worse than SARS when we act like dictators in our home to be feared by the entire household. We are worse than SARS when we maltreat our househelp and prevent her from attending same school with our children . We are worse than SARS when we sexually harras her and threaten her into silence.

We are worse than SARS when we team up to born down the shrine of the elderly man worshipping the gods of his ancestors. We are Worse than SARS when we confine one to psychiatric ward or jail for choosing not to belong to any Religion. We criticize SARS for their brutality against those who wear tatoo while our religious police punnish us for the same act .

We are worse than SARS when we take advantage of our students poor academic performance to lure her to bed.We are worse than SARS when we destroy farmlands and farmers except states donate their land to us to practice our trade . We are worse than SARS when we use our political and financial strength to remove effective but non- submissive governors from seeking reelection . We are worse than SARS when we take official decision favoring one tribe or group at the expense of others.

The security agencies are not the only one guilty of intimidation. Any act of public humiliation, physical attack, disrespectful language,discriminatory comment, or name calling against our subordinate or minority promotes abuse of power. Subtle acts of manipulating the naive for personal gain also fuels oppression. The victim fear reporting the act could be worse than the original form of abuse. This enable perpetrator get away with the crime thereby empowering then to continue the maltreatment. Cowardice on the part of the victim feed tyranny.

Any society that prevents one from critical thinking and promotes submission to a higher power creates an avenue for abuse. This is why many cases of abuse go unreported among security agencies and religion institution .Obey what the boss says whether you agree with him or not and get a chance of getting promoted.security agents are also victims of abuse by their superior.The anger is suppressed until they find a subordinate they can vent the anger on without any side effect . The junior staff are cruel to their own subordinate until the most junior ranked officer who have no one to be cruel to pass their aggression to civilian . This is why top ranked security agents are less harsh than low ranking ones .

The #endsars protest is a call to all victim of all kinds of abuse to unite together and take a stand. When the abusers realises that the victims would rather die than persist in such ill-treatment, they would be forced to reconsider their ways. No condition is permanent Centuries of abuse of patriarchy has led to the number of self identified feminist and single motherhood-. Parents who bring up their children in love would be cared for when they get old and weak. Garbage in Garbage out. What we sow is what we reap.

We need to focus towards an egilateral society.- a society that is based on equality. Moral reasoning should be introduced as a subject in secondary schools. Children ought to be taught character development with emphasis on equal respect for all devoid of gender, religion, power, wealth or Fame.