Navigating argument in a healthy manner

I don’t believe any couple or set of friends that tell me “We don’t fight” or “We don’t argue”. It is virtually impossible to be genuine friends with someone without reaching some sort of conflict. If you really are in are in a relationship where you “never fight”, I just assume that neither of you […]

When Conversations Get Crucial: Navigating Arguments in a Healthy Manner

Pleasure is My Birth Right

Unpacking gender, religion woes, respectability politics, sexual liberation, & identity. Gender: Girl. Young girls are always held to a higher standard of purity and innocence. Boys on the other hand, are encouraged to be free and taught to explore their desires. I always wondered, why is that?. The minute girls are born into the world […]

Pleasure is My Birth Right
africa health nigeria


Forced into a second wave of Isolation

To prevent Covid 19 extension

News sends ice down my arteries

Endless thirst for water to refill sweaty skin

Fingers vibrate in perturbation

Over analyse Government instruction

Recall previous periodof hunger

Moments of tears inside my locker

Push it beneath my awareness

Deny its existence

Believe I will cope once more

As I anticipate the cure


Women watch porn, too — but why?

Almost every man watches porn. But in recent years, the proportion of women in the porn audience has been growing. What does this shift mean? DW asked a sociologist and an evolutionary biologist. Women do not usually watch porn. Or do they? According to recent surveys by popular porn websites such as PornHub and xHamster, […]

Women watch porn, too — but why?
emotion nigeria politics relationship

Wound of absence

Show me I am beautiful

Worthy to be pursued

awaken my Feminine quality

And discover my identity

Not just a sperm receiver

Or your house cleaner

Financially competent

Emotionally absent

But a listener

To listen to my heart whispers

In the absence of one

I stood alone

Turn to destructive addiction

To cure the moment of Isolation

Hide my anxiety

Behind a submissive personality

The first man that should shower me love

Never found me worthy enough


Speak Out

“Sir, you must forgive my sister…She is not ordinarily quite so outspoken” Miss Austen by Gill Hornby Do we like women who speak their minds? And when I say “we” I mean both men and women. Back in Austen’s day, we know that outspoken women were looked down upon. Just think of what we thought […]

Speak Out

Talking Sex Ed with Kids Part 2

Beginning a conversation about sexuality early and continuing that conversation as the child grows is the best sex education strategy. It lets parents avoid giving one big talk when the child reaches adolescence, when they may think they already have the information and won’t be receptive. When talking to your kids about sex, it’s important […]

Talking Sex Ed with Kids Part 2
life nigeria

Death Quotes

No one enjoys life more

Than one who is willing and ready to die

It is only in the face of death

That One is truely born

Learning to Live well

Is to learn to die well

Dying badly is for those who lived badly

Death is not simply the last moment of life

In birth, our journey towards death begin

Why do you fear the last day

It contributes no more to your death than each of the others

Although the physicality of death destroys man

The idea of death Saves him

Everybody dies but not everybody lives

To live does not mean you are alive

authentic nigeria religion

Beware of second hand Truth

Every Religion claims it’s teaching is the truth. Often times, teachings contradict. Truth cannot be A and be not A. One is definitely wrong. Truth is same every where. If any truth exist at all,it shout be that common saying which is found in all world  Religion. Every  mathematics textbook agrees that one + one is two.

To be certain that our belief is true, we ought to compare them with other scriptures and search for similarities and differences. The similarities draws us closer to the truth while the differences makes us question it’s authenticity. But we don’t want see the possibility that we might have been wrong. We try not to investigate . We call it faith.

Faith is the enemy of truth seeking. By hoping something is true or going to be true does not make it true.To believe in things that are not true can be dangerous.It is worse than gambling.We want our belief to be true  so badly that we ignore evidence,reason and our common sence. 

If your virgin daughter tells you she is pregnant, we will not believe her. If your teacher tells you be split the sun into three parts,we will call him a liar. We would spread the stories if we found them in an ancient scripture.

We believe In a book that somebody told us that somebody told the person that another person said is true without making attempt to verify its authenticity. This is second hand truth and second hand truth is called hearsay . Lawyers are aware that second hand truth is subjected to mistake so they do not admit it in the court of law . Truth should be based on experience.Eye withness testimony Is admissible in the court of law.

I heard a group tried to test the effectiveness of prayer. They had a group of sick patient prayed for and another group to act as control. The former recovered quicker. This is an example of ones belief tested. You may replicate it if you like. By checking your claim, you become more confident of it’s authenticity.


New England Journal of Medicine piece calls for removing sex designations from birth certificates

The piece below, which just appeared in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine, has three co-authors (two medical doctors and a lawyer) calling for removing sex designations from birth certificates—or at least putting them “below the line of demarcation,” which I guess means putting them where they are not publicly accessible. Click on the […]

New England Journal of Medicine piece calls for removing sex designations from birth certificates
education football life nigeria soccer

The rise and fall of early booming coaches

Paul Clement began to help soccer players as a Physical education teacher at the age of twenty-three. He was so effective in the job that he was asked to coach Fulham youth team. Chelsea snapped him up to work in their academy and finally promoted him as an assistant manager under Carlos Ancelotti. The duo did well together that the Italian manager took him to be his assistant at Paris St Germain, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich. The duo won the UEFA champion league as well as other trophy.

Trouble began to kick in when derby and Swansea appointed him manager. Clement performed woefely that one began to doubt his coaching ability. What would make a wonderful assistant manager perform poorly as a manager?

Peters principle gives us a clue. A person is promoted due to their success in previous job until he is no longer competent in their new job as a result of lacking the skill needed . Many exceptional teachers perform very well as vice principal but when they are made the principal of the school, their performance drops. He begins to spend more time in the office appending signatures to files as well as attending to meetings upon meeting and less time in the classroom

The role of a youth coach differs from that of a club manager. The former is responsible for the Athlete whereas the later is responsible for the club managment. A youth coach is successful when he transforms a mediocre player into a super star. He instill the needed skill to the player to improve his performance. A team manager is successful when he wins matches and take home the trophy. To promote an assistant manager to a main manager comes with extra responsibility for which the individual may not possess The youth team coach enjoys bringing out the hidden potential of young athlete.The fact that he did well there was because he loves the work more than he loves to win. Not everyone loves competition . Not everyone is well suited to the fame and power that comes with taking the lead role. Some individuals are better off helping from the background.

Both positions come with different skills. Unless the coach has the new ability needed, he is destined for failure. This begs the question. If a youth coach is offered an opportunity to manage a club which he knows he lacks the ability to perform at that time, should he reject the offer?

The first factor is the individual perception and reaction to failure. Employee who perceive failure as a terrible thing hate being sacked.One who dreads to fail is better off in his comfort zone . Job security is Paramount to such individual. When a team fails, the fans blame the team chief manager . . The chief responsibility of facing the media falls on the head.The backroom staff are overlooked. Such person should first change his mindset on failure before he can accept such offer. Failing to step up counts as failure. Real failure comes from inability to learn from ones mistakes. He should see the offer as an opportunity to gain new experiences and meet more people in the sport sector. He should understand that all great coaches failed one time or another but learnt in the process. Every failed match is an opportunity to reflect on the likely reason and improve his knowledge.

The second factor depends on the individual ability to embrace the change that comes with learning . Slow learners are better off rejecting that offer as they are unable to deal with the immediate complexity that comes with the new role. Fast learners should take the job while asking for help from experienced persons outside the organization. For instance, he may choose a more experienced assistant manager. He should not hesitate to engage in additional training in that new skill which he lacks.

Club owners are unreasonably optimistic. A club legend does not necessarily make a great coach . Diego Maradona is a typical example . A good sergent may make a bad captain or a worse general. One may be good at obeying order but terrible at knowing the best circumstance to give such order


23 words to say to one going through a difficult time

What’s encouraging words to say to someone going through a difficult time? People are going through a difficult phase in their life sometimes. They need support to keep going from their closest ones. This is extremely important because sometimes these phases drain the life out of them and will make them prone to giving up. You can help them and raise them up.

Words to Say to Someone Going Through a Difficult Time

Giving support can come in many ways and one of them is through words. There are some words that are naturally soothing. If you do this, you might save a life! So, here are words to say to someone going through a difficult time: 

1. Nothing

Sometimes, it is best to say nothing and to just wholeheartedly listen to what they are anxious, sad, or worried about. Doing this will relieve their burden and help them go into a better mental state.

2. Tell them it’s okay to feel what you feel

Sometimes people try so hard to stop being sad or negative that actually it gets nowhere. Tell them that it is okay to feel these things because it will make the recovery faster.

3. I’m sorry that you are going through this

Saying this shows your sympathy or empathy. It will make them realize that they are not alone in feeling this way. This also shows that you are here for them.

4. I will always be here for you

Best things to say to someone going through a hard time is “I will always be here for you”. It’s simple and shooting for them. Knowing that someone is there behind your back and always ready to pull you up is a comforting and rare thing. 

5. Let go of the blame

It is easy to blame things or even themselves when something catastrophic happens to someone’s life. Saying this will remind them to loosen up to forgive and forget.

6. Time will heal

This is classic advice, but it’s alway true. You may not know how the future will turn out but you can promise them that this too shall pass. When time has passed, things will seem lighter and brighter. That is why you just need to hang on.

7. You are bigger than this

Encouraging words to say to someone going through a hard time are “you are bigger than this problem”. People easily feel small when they are faced by something tremendously hard. Because of that reason, you need to remind them of their strength and capability to get through it.

8. If you need help just say the word

Offering help gives plenty of relief to an anxiety and sadness induced mind. saying this will make them more relaxed and happy.

9. you’ve been down before, and you can get through this again

Reminding them about their strength that is actually already hidden deep inside them is a great way to put them back on their feet. It’s the wisest motivation to show to your loved ones when they are in pain. 

10. Take one step at a time

Most of the time, people feel overwhelmed by the big image of the future to the point where they feel paralized. Remind them to focus on the next few steps and then keep going for the next move. They will feel nothing seems impossible.

11. There are more things to look forward to

Remind them to take a look at the small things to be grateful for that might happen in the future. If you do this, you are giving them the drive to live one more day and then another brighter day.

12. I am so proud of you

Even when they are a mess, say this. Because saying this will make them feel proud of themselves too and it will make the day go way better.  

13. Focus on the present

When feeling sad, people usually dwell with the past for too long. This makes them more miserable. Tell them to focus on the now where nothing bad is happening and they are safe.

14. It’s not the end

Telling them that there is more to come and that this is not the end is a great way to boost their spirits. It reminds them that there is more to life that is much more beautifully captivating. 

15. Tell them you love them 

“I love you and I am here for you” are the best words to say to someone going through a difficult time. When they feel loved, they have more reasons to keep going. They know they need to keep trying for a brighter future with your love. 

16. Nothing but hug them 

Sometimes, anything you said will mean nothing when they are going through a difficult time. Meanwhile, you can give them a hug. A long deep hug to tell them that it’s gonna be okay. It is going to be okay. 

There are more words to say to someone going through a difficult time, but your present in their life means the most. You also need to listen to them and keep staying with them until they feel better and can think clearer. 

Best things to say to someone going through a hard time

These words will make them more relaxed. It will set them to the path of self recovery and self love. Here are more words to say to someone going through a difficult time:

1. Remember to be kind to yourself 

People often forget to take care of themselves with the most basic things. Not taking care of one’s self might make them more sluggish and prone to sadness.

2. Life happens 

By reminding them that life happens, make them take off the blame and unstuck feelings to the problem. Tell them that shits happen all the time, but we need to keep fighting and fighting. 

3. You did a great job 

Tell them that they’ve done the best they could. This will make them feel a little bit happier. You can also tell them that they can alway try and try again until they succeed. 

4. Take all the time that you need to heal 

Knowing that they have time to heal will actually make them more relaxed and positive. Tell them that you will help anything as you can to help them feel better. 

5. Just because something isn’t happening to you now, it doesn’t mean it never will 

Remind them that positive things will come and we just have to put a little bit of faith on it. It might not happen today, but who will know if it will come true tomorrow, so keep fighting. 

Signs that they are back to their positive state of mind

Signs that they are back on their feet because of your positive encouragements:

The words to say to someone going through a difficult time is not much. It focuses on building a safe place for the person to let go, heal, and eventually grow. Keep in mind the wise word to get people out of the rut. After that, see if they already have the signs that they are back to their positive state of mind.

Meanwhile, you may pick up those lines to help people, to make them feel okay. Indeed, we could make people feel better by showing our love through words to them. Cause we know, time flies, and everything can turn to be wrong and hurt if we don’t say good things now.


emotion family nigeria sex

Mismatched desire

The words we never spoke

Broke us apart

Grudges burning slowly

For several years

How long shall we continue

To be in a passionless union

Physically present

Emotionally absent

Strangers sharing one roof

Pretending all is well

It is high time we begin to think

Of going our saperate ways

As painless as possible

I truely love you

But I can no longer  live with you

I have forgiven you

But I cannot forget the things you did

Replayed in my head each time I see you

One single act

Makes me not to trust you completely

But I cannot forget that

I see you trying to be perfect

I see how hard you try

To make me happy

You deviate from your true self

In other to please me

You will eventually get tired

Until you finally resent me

But our frequency differ

You want it twice a day

I want it monthly

The times I turned you down

I pushed you off me

Into the waiting arms of another.

I made you cheat on me

And then hate you for it

Each time I try to please you

You are happy

While I am hurt

You suggested an open relationship

But I want you all to myself

We are not compatible

It was a mistake from the beginning

Loyalty is a curse

We are better off going our saperate ways

Goodbye my Lover

I hope you meet your match

nigeria religion

Beneath belief

We attach too much power to our belief. This can be counter productive. One who believes his religion is the best in morals would be dissapointed to find out they the religious leaders is involved in immoral activities. He may be dissapointed and vow to change church.

Another who strongly tithe regularly may feel betrayed for being sacked. It is like the God did not fulfill his own part of the bargain. This may lead to a rejection of all Religion

Someone who love violence would look for the biblical verse justifying violence perpetuate his act.

When we nurture a belief into truth, it becomes serious. We cannot no longer joke out of them.


What Happened to Mesut Ozil

At the tender age of twenty two, A twenty two year old unknown player made the list of Germany’s squad for the world cup finals in South Africa. That player went on to register three assist in the competition helping the team to the third place. His name is Mesut OZIL.

He attracted the interest of many clubs until Jose Mourinho snapped him up for Spanish giant side real Madrid.

He excelled well in Realmadrid when Cristiano Ronaldo and Benzema were physically present to take the pressure off him. No one considered him a threat. He would sneak in unmasked and provide assistance.

When Jose mourinho left, Ozil place in the team was threatened. The Spanish giant Carlos A ncelotti to manage the club. The italian manager attempted to sign Gareth Bale, James Rodriguez and to a squad that has Luka Modric, Mesut Ozil and Do Maria. It was obvious there would be competition. Ozil hates competition.He prefers Cooperation. He left Madrid to s team where he would not struggle with anyone for a starting line up. Job security matters more to him. Arsene Wengar came knocking and he jumped at the offer. He settled well at arsenal. His desire to assist suits Arsene Wengar passing style The link up play with Alexis Sanches was wonderful especially when the Chilean was drafted further up the pitch. The Chilean was the target man. Ozil was the visionary . Sanchez filled in the boots of christiano Ronaldo . He took some pressure off the shoulder of Ozil. Alex Sanchez transfer reluctance to extend his contract caused division among the squad. Mesut Ozil dislikes conflict. He thrives best amidst peaceful environment. As Alexis Sanchez finally left, Arsenal fans looked up to the German playmaker to propel the team to success. Mesut Ozil is not one to carry the burden of the team on his head.He He needs someone he could look up to within the squad. A tough,strong and aggressive attacker . Someone with the ego of Ibrahimovic. Mesut began to drop in performance. He wanted to leave too but his agent thought it wiser to scare off the gunners board with an outrageous wage demand. Having lost Sanchez, the board was Keen to hold on to the German at all costs.They signed the contract much to the disappointment of the German. Lucrative contract did not Improve his performance. Ozil is not motivated by money. He is internally motivated.

The same thing happened in the national team. Germany’s Klose and Podolski were German hit men during the 2014 and 2010 world cup. The fans relied on them before each tournament. When the duo retired, Ozil became the most capped attacker .German fans looked up to Ozil for goals and assist .but consequently he failed to deliver. His weak nervous system breaks down easily whenever much expectation is placed on it. Sane would have helped but Sane was not in the squad.

Dissapointed fans condemned him for not playing up to their expectation. Ozil hit back at them .Ozil reacts badly to critism.He takes critism personally. He turned his back on a country that helped shape his career after he was criticised.

The Turkish management should take this in mind while coaching Ozil. He excels best in a system he can trust. The coaches need to focus on establishing a positive relationship with him in other to maximize his potential.

The transfer has more to do with arsenal desire to offload him and Ozil desire to unite with his newly adopted dominated muslimcountry . I do not see Mesut transforming the club to success overnight. OZIL lacks the ability to do so as discussed earlier . Morever, he has not been actively involved in the field for months . He will need time to . I wish him the best as he begins a new chapter.