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ethics feminism gender life nigeria sex Teaching women

The crime of being Natural

We came out of our mother’s womb naked. At three, it is accepted to walk around the same way but by the time we reach seven, we are shamed for attempting to walk in the Same way we arrived at the earth . Gradually, we teach the girls to become so focused on societal perception on her body that she she becomes uncomfortable in her own skin. She rejects her true self for a covering- a cloth , to fit into the society. This does not stop there, she learns to hide her real thoughts, beliefs,values and emotions and learn to be a hypocrite.

Since she is unable to be her true self, she learns to shame those who attempt to be authentic. Deep within, she envies them for having the courage to live their own lives. If we are shaming those who choose to walk naked, we are indirectly telling the creator he did a terrible job. We are on obnoxiously questioning his rationale for bringing us in this world naked in the first place. Which right thinking person would light light up a candle and hide it under the bed ? Which right thinking artist would mould a sculpture and cover it? Did our books not tell us that early man roamed about naked? At what point did nudity become a taboo?

Clothes were worn in those days sparingly for protection against adverse weather condition. Today it has become a law . Psychologist have pondered why the older we get, the more uncomfortable we feel in our own skin . Abraham Mascow, attributed the taboo on nudity more on societal norm than on ethical grounds . We have been conditioned into feeling uncomfortable in the presence of any nudity. The term ” gymnophobia” has been coined to describe the psychological aversion to nudity

Some religion tell us that the human body is shameful and to expose any portion of it except the face or the hands is an offence. Many religion cannot draw the demarcation between nudity and sexual. It is believed that mere exposure of a body incites sexual thought and behavior in the opposite gender. Is nudity the problem or the mind? This mindset has led to rape victims being blamed as partner in crime.

As a result, people who chose to embrace nudity were viewed by mental health professional as psychological dysfunctional. It was until 1930 that the former president of American psychology Association , Howard Warren (1933) observed a group of persons camping naked for weeks. At the end of the camping, he noticed that participants became more open and trusting of each other. This led to a proposed theory that when strangers that nude at an early stage are more likely to enjoy be open and trust each other . This led to the birth of a new therapeutic movement which uses non- sexual social nudity as a means to improve individual mental health. A more recent publication by Renowned professor of psychology , West K (2018) shows that people who practice nudity tends to have higher body image, high self esteem and better life satisfaction.

Recent studies are beginning to link constant putting on bras with ill health including breast cancer. Guys who put on tight boxers are likely encounter problems in their reproductive system. The very clothes we crave may be causing problem yet social pressure compels us to put on clothes.

Before you put on that piece of cloth, question your rationale behind it. Are you putting it on for you or for others. Before you condemn that person for dressing the way he/ she likes. Ask yourself why her dress-code bothers you .?

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emotion family nigeria sex

Mismatched desire

The words we never spoke

Broke us apart

Grudges burning slowly

For several years

How long shall we continue

To be in a passionless union

Physically present

Emotionally absent

Strangers sharing one roof

Pretending all is well

It is high time we begin to think

Of going our saperate ways

As painless as possible

I truely love you

But I can no longer  live with you

I have forgiven you

But I cannot forget the things you did

Replayed in my head each time I see you

One single act

Makes me not to trust you completely

But I cannot forget that

I see you trying to be perfect

I see how hard you try

To make me happy

You deviate from your true self

In other to please me

You will eventually get tired

Until you finally resent me

But our frequency differ

You want it twice a day

I want it monthly

The times I turned you down

I pushed you off me

Into the waiting arms of another.

I made you cheat on me

And then hate you for it

Each time I try to please you

You are happy

While I am hurt

You suggested an open relationship

But I want you all to myself

We are not compatible

It was a mistake from the beginning

Loyalty is a curse

We are better off going our saperate ways

Goodbye my Lover

I hope you meet your match

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ethics nigeria relationship religion sex

Reason pastors are involved in sexual immorality

The Anglican Church announced the suspension of one of her bishop for having sexual intercourse with a pastors wife This is not the first time men of God are involved in adultery and fornication.The profession is associated with integrity.Members of the church find it difficult to recover from the shock afterward. Many point accusation fingers on the pastors. This article examines reasons clergy get involved in such scandal.

1) The Bible did not offer proper sex education: The best the Bible told us to do is to avoid sex outside marriage. That is not a sufficient sex education. Infact, To tell someone not to perform an act is to instill the idea on the individual. This is evident in the fall of Adam and Eve.

2)The position is tempting; The role involves a lot of one on one counselling section with female members. Research shows that those who share intimate part of their lives to a stranger tend to fall in love with that stranger. Female members open up emotionally to their pastor, Women need someone to listen to her endless tales. This leads to a development of feelings for the pastor. If care is not taken, a bond may develop.

3)Repressed emotion is transmitted in another way. Would be pastors spend years in training repressing their sexual cravings. This feelings come out in another form. Many engage in online pornography, some masturbate. Few Catholic priests sexually harras young boys and others are involved in extra marital affair.

4)Pastoral training did not offer proper training on how to prevent sexual immorality: Some people are ordained pastors after few months training with no discussion on sex . The work involves constant dealing with members of opposite sex. Some are unable to detect the early signs a lady gives when she is falling in love with the pastor and how to abort such session instantly.

5)Clergy are not God : That one is a pastor does not mean that he has supernatural powers capable of doing the impossible. They are human and are subject to mistakes. What differentiate then from the average member is an interest in church leadership. Pastors are picked from a sex- obsessed population. An individual may have a high sexual urge and still be interested in church leadership. Pastors are not eunuchs.

6)Level of Maturity. A pastor may be sound in interpreting scriptures yet deficient in other aspect of life. Resistance to sexual temptation involves period of training until one gets matured in it .

7)Members are corrupt . The act is not done alone. It involves an accomplice. immoral pastors are growing because immoral members are growing. Church members want quick route to salvation. She wants immediate forgiveness to her sins which she does not want to stop . Some corrupt pastor suggest more donation from her stolen funds Other sexually corrupt pastors suggest a night of sexual purification to insert holy sperm into her body . Some ladies intentionally lead the men astray. It reveals the level of holiness of the church.

8)Childhood Trauma . Adults are grown up children . Some of them were abused as children They still carry the experience within and transfer it to other children.

This write-up does not intend to exonorate the pastors. Rather,it aims at urging church to look into the aspect of pastoral training very serious. Sex education ought to be added to training curriculum Experienced pastors should share their temptation stories and how they conquered it. Counsellors and therapist ought to be active participant in the training. Pastors are vulnerable like the average member and deserve double protection.

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nigeria religion sex women

Left and Right Thinkers

The Neurologist classifies the brain into left and the right part. The right part is a center for emotion while the left hemisphere is the center of thinking. Children with a highly developed left hemisphere take first position in class and represent the class in inter-school competition. Right thinkers top the class in bullying and noise making and represent the class in inter-house sport competition. What they lack in intellectual analysis, they make up in physical hardiness. They are usually in majority. Left thinkers make great class captain because they are academically ahead.

This classification expands to the larger society Right thinkers usually top in illiteracy, Polio infection and poverty. Their top values are :

Dress code for women. Blasphemy laws confiscating alcoholic drinks. Cattle Rearing. Underage marriage.

The left thinkers are concerned about making lives better. Their top values are:

Breaking up /restructuring. Improving the economy persistent ASUU strike. improving policing and security High cost of living.

A right thinker

Left thinkers are willing to push aside tradition and scriptures to advance a goal. Right thinkers would prefer to remain stagnant to deviating from scriptural and traditional belief. The right thinkers are looking at making under aged child legitimate voters. The bill may be passed into law eventually as right thinkers have more population among the legislature. The left thinkers would rather ban underage marriage. Unlike left thinkers, Religious belief play a major role in the decision-making of right thinkers . Right thinkers are unwilling to consider scientific study of the harm done on the girl child as a result of early pregnancy as long as her religion approves of such. They would rather stone the messenger and destroy his findings. Right thinkers shifts scripture when it does not align with reality.

The right thinkers contribute less to the regional revenue and are more in number. Their numerical advantage gives them an advantage during election. They tend to rule left thinkers. When right thinkers rule, left thinkers feel marginalized. When right thinkers rule, left thinkers feel marginalized. An external body might be needed to bridge the gap but the right thinkers rigidity makes it difficult. A doctor might be needed to divide the duo but the leftist would not want that either. We have a serious matter in our hands. We have to be careful, so It does not lead to uprising in the future.

Are you a leftist or a rightist

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emotion feminism gender nigeria relationship sex women

Prerequisite for Sex

What’s Wrong With Sex?
Is there anything wrong with two people coming together and just having sex — for fun — without first having an emotionally intimate relationship (assuming safe sex is practiced of course)?

I was raised to believe the answer to this is yes, that there is something wrong with it.

As a sophomore in high school, I had to write a school paper on why premarital sex was wrong. I did the assignment and regurgitated what I needed to get an A.

Privately I had doubts about what I was taught. And of course I went ahead and had premarital sex anyway, which turned out to be a lot of fun with no guilt or regret.

Looking back, I think I would have preferred to get an F on that assignment and had more fun instead. 🙂

Your sexual orientation does not define you

Today I see absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for fun, as long as it’s done safely and consensually. I think those who feel that sex is wrong, dirty, or immoral are terribly repressed. I’ve never met a genuinely happy person that felt this way about sex. Perhaps if such people just got laid more often, they wouldn’t be so grumpy.

Prerequisites for Sex
What prerequisites do we actually need to engage in sex? A willing partner is really all that’s required. If you have a willing partner, you can have sex.

Serious rocket science here, eh?

Just to be clear, let’s assume your body and your partner’s body are physically capable of having sex as well.

All other rules, constraints, and requirements arise from social conditioning and are therefore unnecessary.

You don’t need to be married or in a committed relationship.

You don’t need to be dating.

You don’t need to be in love.

You don’t need an opposite-sex partner.

You don’t need to be exclusive with your partner.

Your partner doesn’t need to be exclusive with you.

You don’t need to be programmed in multiple techniques.

You don’t even need to have met the other person first.

All you need is consent.

Technically speaking, even your partner’s consent is a socially conditioned prerequisite, but I think it’s one we should maintain. The alternative is illegal, unethical, and hurtful. We can certainly enjoy sex without resorting to rape. Acting out your kinky fantasies, on the other hand, can still be completely consensual.

How many extra rules do you have in your head about what’s required for you to have sex above and beyond the most basic?

Society make prostitution illegal and shames the women involved

How are those rules working for you? Are you delighted with the results they’re producing?

Do your rules make it easy for you to enjoy the sexual experiences you desire? Or are they simply getting in the way and blocking you?

Do you realize that you have the freedom to choose the rules you want to keep as well as those you’d rather dump?

I’m not suggesting that you need to lower your standards to the absolute minimum. I’m simply suggesting that you take a good, conscious look at your current rules and requirements for having sex, and consider whether they’re helping you or hurting you.

Personally I have pretty high standards for when I will and won’t have sex. These standards, however, are ones I’ve chosen because I’m happy with them. I don’t maintain standards just because everyone else feels they’re proper and necessary.

Sex in the car?

ToLet go of unnecessary sex rules that don’t serve you. You decide what’s really important to you, and drop the rest.

Steve Pavlina

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authentic emotion family feminism gender life nigeria relationship sex women

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

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authentic childhood education emotion ethics gender nigeria sex women

Fears of a virgin

She did not dare to dance

Or jump the gutter

She did not jump the fence

She would not stand in front of a man

Nor widen her legs

She slowly passed out urine

For fear of tearing her hymen

Sexual miseducation

She swear it was not her fault

Her hands shakes vigorously

Mumbling words beneath my understanding

She felt the bite of a mosquito

In between her pure legs

She has been disvirgined

She fears getting pregnant

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education feminism gender nigeria relationship religion sex Teaching wierd women

How Purity Culture teaches wrong sex education

Purity culture: any teaching that places the honour of a girl/woman on her vagina and reinforces the idea that premarital sex make women worthless.

Purity /noun/: the state or quality of being pure.

Pure /adjective/: clean and not containing any harmful substances; complete and total.

Purity culture is blaming Eve for giving the apple to Adam and enticing him to sin. Every Christian girl knows Eve is the architect of our misfortune. Every bad thing women experience today is a result of Eve’s sin. Purity culture is comparing girls who are sexually active to expired food products. Because you know, girls automatically become expired milk after they have sex.

It is placing the burden of the sexual urges of men on women. If a man lusts after you, then you probably looked or dressed a certain way to entice him. Purity culture is using “defile” to describe rape and saying Dinah was defiled, instead of saying Shechem raped her. Purity culture is telling girls that they are responsible for the sexual purity of men, because unlike men who are inherently sexual, we are just vessels who aren’t supposed to be sexual. Purity culture is telling girls that only “bad girls” enjoy sex.

Many churches practice and teach purity culture targeted mainly towards girls. Some go to the extreme, by holding daddy-daughter dances where girls pledge their virginity to their fathers, vowing to wait until they get married to have sex. Some wear rings on the fourth finger of their left hands, which they eventually take off and replace with wedding rings after they get married and have sex for the first time.

The culture that places women on a pedestal of innocence and purity enables the punishment of women that do not maintain this image. There are multiple way sin which purity culture and here are 5 important ones you should know.

Misplaced Sexual Responsibility

Purity culture has been branded as all of the ways women can stay protected and holy in today’s society. The truth of the matter lies in the fact that this only serves to subjugate women even more. By placing women on these pedestals, it places the onus on women to cover up and ensure that they are not temptations for men, forgetting that rapists are not dissuaded by the physical appearance. Purity culture is also set up in such a way that encourages women to avoid taking charge of their sex life. It paints women that deviate from this as whores who need to be shamed and punished, hence why when a women is raped and she is vocal about her sex life, it is brushed off because she asked for it by taking charge of her sex life. This is how purity culture normalizes and trivializes sexual assault .  

Most Religions do give women right to make decisions concerning her body

It does not define Consent

Women who have been raised religiously have been taught in some way by socializing influences, that they do not exist for themselves. They are to keep themselves holy and covered up, and to wait patiently in their fathers’ houses until a man approaches said fathers for marriage. It is in all the biblical stories and anecdotes describing model women of faith and religious principles.

This is problematic because not only would the woman lack individuality, there are no boundaries of consent. There would be nothing that says that she can say no to her husband. In Nigeria currently the law does not recognize marital rape as rape. So even when it feels like rape, when she knows that it is rape, when there is physical evidence of rape, she says nothing because she has been conditioned to think that the man has only taken what was his in the first place.  

Good girl/ Bad Girl Binary

Purity culture divides women into two groups ; the good girls and the bad girls and pray to God you don’t fall into the latter group. When a girl who is seen as a bad girl is abused sexually or physically, people see it as a punishment for her behaviour.

Guilt and shame are products of purity culture, when girls are taught that they become worthless after they have sex outside marriage they live with guilt and shame and it is even worse when they experience sexual violence because the victim automatically assumes it is just a punishment for the way she behaved or even dressed. What I don’t understand is how people expect women who finally have sex after they get married to just shake off this feeling of shame and guilt they’ve associated with sex because of what they were taught.

Her Body Her Choice

Nobody throws chastity balls for boys asking then to pledge their virginity to their mothers and the church, nobody makes women the gatekeepers of the sexuality of men so why then do people do it to girls? Double standard much?

Don’t get me wrong, abstinence is a good thing and it wonderful but not when it is forced on people. Instead of teaching and encouraging purity culture, instead of teaching girls to associate fear, shame and guilt with sex why not teach girls good and quality sex education. Teach them their body belongs to them alone and not to their fathers or the church. Talk to them about the clarity that comes with abstinence, tell them abstinence is a choice they can make without the pressure of the church. Teach them that they are not responsible for the sexual purity of men. Teach girls to love and embrace their bodies instead of seeing it as a weapon the devil uses to lure men to hell.

How Purity Culture Enables Rape Culture