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family gender law relationship women

Never touch a woman for inappropriate dressing

group violence by men against women based on the fickle notion of fashion morality is flat out irrational. That is the type of irrational conjecture that will drive our generation back a few decades. Nothing a woman can wear will be deemed appropriate by all men. And it honestly should not matter what men’s opinion on their clothing is. Women are not property; they are other human beings. This is not a new debate. It ended eons ago

Don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to be uncomfortable about how someone else chooses (or doesn’t choose but is inclined) to live their lives. You’re just not allowed to force a person to change to ease your discomfort.
It’s a fairly simple concept: to each his/her own. Men can wear whatever they want. Women can too. Everything people can or can’t wear is accommodated for in the law of the nation or the dress code of an establishment, not in the hearts of men who think it justifiable to strip somebody’s daughter just to shame her.

The same men who would strip a woman for wearing the wrong clothes, leave a man alone for the same. Even those guys who really want to make sure their hours at the gym show through their baby sized t-shirts or guys whose jeans are so skinny that if they farted, they’d dislocate an ankle and a kneecap, so they sag for safety, showcasing shit stricken neon yellow boxers. Those guys never get beaten up and stripped either.

So, if men’s fashion is not being brought to tow, why shouldn’t my sister or your sister be entitled to wear whatever she’s wearing?
Yes, we all have the right to an opinion, but we don’t have the right to enforce an opinion in barbaric fashion. If opinions could be enforced with such vigour, I’d have blown up Parliament years ago for being a blatant waste of taxpayers money. And I think that would’ve gotten us further than stripping women randomly on the street and brutalising their liberties.

And if what she is wearing is slightly shocking or appalling to me then I reserve the right to comment and have an opinion. But the right to action is hers and the laws’. Nobody tried to put Lady Gaga on a grill because she wore a meat suit, so nobody should try to act on the length of a skirt or a dress. Even though some of you guys are acting on even less, sometimes nothing, which is just indicative of failing at humanity.

Diasporadical

Categories
family gender relationship religion women

romantic stories of the bible

The most romantic stories in the Bible
Khaya Dlanga
Mon 04 Apr 2011

The first story is about Jacob. Now Jacob, son of Isaac wanted to get married. So he went to his uncle’s crib, who had two daughters. One hot. The other not so much. The oldest daughter was not so hot because the Bible says, “Leah had weak eyes”. I suspect she was squint. The younger daughter’s name was Rachel and she was damn hot too. How do I know? “For the Bible tells me so” (sorry, couldn’t resist) the Bible tells us that “Rachel had a lovely figure” mind you, this was before the invention of bikinis. The Bible continues about Rachel “and was beautiful”. And you guys thought the Bible wasn’t shallow sometimes?

Jacob wanted hot miss thang, Rachel. Duh, obviously. He was in love with her. Jacob was broke and had nothing, he offered to work for his uncle for seven years in order to afford to marry Her Royal Hotness, Rachel. Laban,

Rachel’s dad agreed to this arrangement. Jacob worked for a whole seven years to get her. As the Bible puts it “but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her”. Ahhh, so romantic.

Then the seven years came to pass and he said to Laban, “Malume, give me my wife”. OK, now brace yourself for the next few sentences. “My time is completed and I want to make love to her.” This guy! Jacob basically said to his fiancée’s dad: “I wanna shag your daughter dude. It’s been a while.” Can you imagine telling your future father-in-law that you want to “make love” to his daughter? The audacity of this man. In fact, give this man a Bell’s!

The wedding happened. She was covered, brought to him in the night. They shagged and as we would say in the black custom to indicate that a lot of shagging happened: “They shagged and shagged, and shagged and shagged and shagged.” So when morning came, there was Leah! He’d been doing the dirty with her all along.

Obviously Jacob is pissed off now. He worked seven years, a whole seven years to marry the hot one, now he gets the not-so-hot-one. His uncle, the deceitful conniving bastard says: “Sorrynyana. But according to our custom, the older daughter has to get married first.” Probably said inGeneration’straditionalist voice —

Khaphela. Then Uncle Laban also gave him the hot daughter, Rachel, but he had to work another seven years for her too.
The second story is a short one. It’s the story of the romantic Elkanah, prophet Samuel’s dad. Elkanah had two wives, this dude had nothing on Jacob Zuma. Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children by the truck-load or should we say camel-load?

Hannah on other hand hadnada. He’d go to the temple with his wives every year. This dude loved Hannah even though she had no kids. The wife with the kids would be rather bitchy to her for she had no kids. So she’d always be crying and would not eat. Elkanah would always say to her: “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you more than 10 sons?”

I think the “don’t I mean more to you than 10 sons” bit is the most romantic thing I’ve read in the Bible. For what he is saying is this, I don’t love you for a reason. The only reason I love you is because I love you. You don’t have to do anything. All you have to do is be you. That is all. It’s almost a prophetic image of Christ who loves us despite ourselves. We don’t have to do anything for him to love us. He loves justnje.

Categories
family gender nigeria relationship women

identifying potential rapist by their words

A man is a rape-supporter if…

*.He has ever sexually engaged with any woman while she was underage, drunk, high, physically restrained, unconscious, or subjected to psychological, physical, economic, or emotional coercion.

*.He has blamed a woman for “putting herself in a situation” where she “could be” attacked.

*.
*.He threatens to patronise prostitutes when patner says no to his sex appeal defends .

Defends men accused for rape in court even with glaring evidence

*.He watches pornography in which women are depicted.
*.He watches any pornography in which sexual acts are depicted as a struggle for power or domination, regardless of whether women are present.

*.He characterizes the self-sexualizing behavior of some women, such as wearing make-up or high heels, as evidence of women’s desire to “get” a man.

*.He tells or laughs at jokes involving women being attacked, sexually “hoodwinked,” or sexually harassed.

*.He expresses enjoyment of movies/musicals/TV shows/plays in which women are sexually demeaned or presented as sexual objects

*.He mocks women who complain about sexual attacks, sexual harassment, street cat-calls, media depictions of women, or other forms of sexual objectification.

For every penny he gives you, he indirectly expects girl to pay back in kind

*.He states or implies that women who do not want to have sex with men are “inhibited,” “prudes,” “stuck-up,” “man-haters,” or psychologically ill.

*.He argues that certain male behaviors towards women are “cultural” and therefore not legitimate subjects of feminist attention.

*.He ever subordinates the interests of women in a given population to the interests of the men in that population, or proceeds in discussions as if the interests of the women are the same as the interests of the men.

*.He promotes religious or philosophical views in which a woman’s physical/psychological/emotional/sexual well-being is subordinated to a man’s.

*.He describes female anatomy in terms of penetration, or uses terms referencing the supposed “emptiness” of female anatomy when describing women.e.g calling girls holes.

*.He defends the sexualization or sexual abuse of minor females on the grounds of “consent” or “willingness.”

*.He promotes the idea that women as a class are happier or more fulfilled if they have man, or that they “should” have man.

*.He argues that people (or just “men”) have sexual “needs.”

*.He discusses the “types” of women he finds sexually appealing and/or attempts to demean women by telling them he does not find them sexually appealing.

*.He defends these actions by saying that some women also engage in rape.

Are you guilty of any of these?

Categories
childhood family gender nigeria relationship women

i dont want obedient children

If you heard someone described as obedient, what thoughts does it bring to mind? Someone with no mind of their own, who will do what you tell them, who won’t stand up for themselves. Oh no, that’s not what I’m aiming for, and so I do not want ‘obedient’ children.

Children used to be expected to be ‘seen but not heard’, to never answer back, to do as their parents say for no other reason than ‘because I said so!’ Thankfully that has changed a bit, but it does seem to me that a lot of peoplearestill striving for obedience from their children. Or at least that a lot of people expect you to be. The mother in the shopping centre with a screaming child can expect glares and ‘control your child’ comments from passersby. As if children aren’t their own person but more like possessions to be controlled.

That your parenting should be judged on how well your children behave, how quiet they are, how obedient they appear. That somehow the tighter grip you have on them, the more you are able to influence them and they will turn into a respectable adult.

And so ‘talking back’ is ok with me (as long as it’s not rudely).
Asking me why they can’t do something is ok with me.
Trying to negotiate with me is ok.
Disagreeing with me is ok.
Big feelings are ok with me, and not something to be frustrated about.
By reacting this way I am teaching them that no matter if someone is bigger, older, or more powerful, it’s ok to question or stand up for what you think is right. That you can also do this in a polite and respectful way. That often things still don’t go your way and how to deal with that. If instead I chose to enforce behaviour with punishment, never let them question me, or didn’t help them with their big emotions, then how would they learn to deal with these situations in the future? How would that effect our relationship? Would they feel valued, respected, and important? Or would they feel powerless?

I don’t want my children to grow up to be ‘obedient’ adults, who give in to peer pressure, who are afraid to voice their opinion. Nor do I want them to grow up thinking that the way we interact with people younger than us is by coercion and control. Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. They can handle simple age appropriate explanations for things. They deserve reasons for our actions. I doubt I would be happy to do something I didn’t want to do if the only reason I was given was ‘because I said so’. I can extend the same courtesy to my children

sarah

Categories
nigeria relationship religion

eight wrong assumptions about born again christians

I hate when people assume certain things about born again christians without getting to know who them individually. You probably hate that too! Brett Shoemaker wrote Whenever people figure out one is a pastor at a Christian church, they tend to always assume the following:

1.Cussing around is a no-no.Really?

you feel the need to change your attitude/language around born again, but you don’t need to try and be on “good behavior” when together. Typically, some are not offended by your language and its not like they have never heard it before. would rather you just be yourself than trying to be someone else .

2.They don’t like the gays.I understand why you may have gotten this impression considering some of the ridiculous Christians out there. But, christ love them. To be honest, I don’t know why so many of my Christian brothers and sisters elevate this specifically over everything else. When it comes down to it, pastors love homosexuals just as much as I love you. wish Christians would fight as passionately against terrorism and sex trafficking as they do to homosexuality.

3.They don’t drink alcohol.Now you won’t catch me passed out on the floor drunk, but to assume that I don’t drink at all because of my faith is a bit of an overstatement. After all, the first miracle Jesus did was turn water into wine,He knows how to keep the party going.

4.THEY don’t like to have fun.This probably has a lot to do with rule #3. Because “I don’t drink” then it can be assumed that I don’t like to have fun. Quite the contrary, it just means I have learned to have fun without the need of over intoxicating myself.

5.pastors are judging you because you act differently than me.If I have come to realize one thing it is that nobody is perfect. Don’t worry about trying to hide your flaws or your differences because Iborn agains are not judging you anyways. Those who judge will be judged and I don’t want any part of that.

6.pastors are ignorant or uneducated about beliefs other than my own.Actually, it is not “my way or the highway.” Obviously, I, like the rest of Christians, spend most of my time trying to understand my own faith, but to say that pastors have shut my eyes to everything else in the world is absurd. Don’t assume they have no clue of what exists outside of Christianity.

7.Born agains think they are better than you.Somehow, because I am Christian, you assume I believe I am better than you. I understand you might get this impression from some of those who wear the Christian name tag, but humility is one of Christianity’s greatest attributes. I don’t think I am better than you regardless of who you are or what you’ve done. We are all on our own journey and everyone’s look a little bit different.

Brett Shoemaker

Categories
family relationship

Is Unconditional Love Practical in Marriage

What does unconditional love mean? The dictionary defines it as love that is expressed without any limitations, conditions or expectations. When you love someone unconditionally, you don’t expect any payback or favors. You love them even when the feeling is not mutual. The best real life example of this kind of love is the love that exists between a parent and a child

Unfortunately, the subject of unconditional love within a marriageis a tricky one. Some Christians, believe that they should love one another unconditionally, just like Christ loves them. This is true to an extent. After all, marriage vows do mention loving each other “for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health” till death do you part

The trouble with this argument, however, is that marriage is not unconditional. When you married your spouse, you promised to love each other in the face of circumstances beyond your control. The expectation is that the two of you will do everything in your control to make your marriage work. This means that you cannot harm your spouse intentionally and expect him or her to reciprocate with unconditional, consequence-free love.

In fact, completely disregarding reality can be dangerous, especially in the face of serious relationship problems such as abuse in marriage. It can impede a couple’s ability to deal with problems in the marriage.

For these reasons, the love that couples experience in marriage is best described as boundless love and not unconditional. Boundless love does not depend on external circumstances, and therefore, it endures even when external circumstances are against.

However, it does not disregard external circumstances.
The main difference between these two kinds of love is that boundless love acknowledges obstacles and strives to overcome them. It is based on the knowledge that your emotions towards your spouse may change depending on external circumstances but that doesn’t mean you don’t love him or her anymore.

You shouldn’t feel bad for having negative emotions such as anger towards your spouse. They are not an indication of how much you love your partner. They are just obstacles that you need to overcome on your way to a happy marriage. This is the meaning of love.

Genuine love doesn’t need to be blind or unconditional love. It doesn’t have to interfere with your ability to make rational decisions in the face of danger such as abuse. It also doesn’t mean that you have to suppress negative feelings

Mike Tuckeron

Categories
childhood family gender nigeria relationship women

never say “rape” in presence of a lady

Words are powerful. Words evoke emotion. They take you to a time or place, they jog your memory, they bring back sights, smells, tastes. What if a word that brought back a bad memory, a traumatic experience, was tossed around casually? What if nearly everywhere you went, you heard this word? And you just couldn’t escape it

230 high school girls in Nigeria were kidnapped by Boko Haram. Depending on what you read, some escaped, some were forcefully married, some were taken across the border, and some … well … we don’t know what happened to them. What is STILL happening to them. And their families are driving themselves crazy thinking about it, wondering about it, imagining what is being done to these girls.

. So it’s not just their bodies being broken. Their minds are being broken too. In addition to what is being done to them, they are questioning where their God is, where their government is, why they ever bothered going to school.

You see, rape ISN’T just a word. It’s a weapon. And every time someone uses it lightly, it evokes the entire experience. When a woman is walking in a wide street in broad daylight, and a man cat-calls her, and she ignores him, and he causally says how he will rape her, it isn’t just a word. It’s a memory of the torture she went through. And it’s enough to take her out of that bright street and into the hell that was her rape. She may be standing there safe and sound, but in her mind, she’s back in the worst place and time of her life.

Diasporadical

Categories
relationship religion

unmarried, resolving marrige dispute

I recieve lots of critism from protestants who insist priests have no buisness resolving marital issues since they are unmarried. This article aims at explaining certain facts

WHAT QUALIFIES ONE TO TEACH?

knowledge qualifies one to teach Not neccesarily marital experience.a 35 year old boy can be a profesor as long as it is proven he is knowledgeable in that field..

MUST KNOWLEDGE ARISE OUT OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE?

no. A wise man must not commit a mistake to learn. He learns from others experience.

Having made the clarification? Let me go further to explain this

ARE PRIESTS KNOWLEDGEABLE

yes. Priests didnt fall from sky.they have family.they learn from their parents. Secondly, priests are trained. They undergo theoritical training on family issues. They are lectured on marriage counsellin by married parents with over 20 years marital experience..in some cases,priest are made to live with families.

DOES PERSONAL EXPERIENCE REALY MATTER?

if yes,
are soccer referees ex players?
Must judges be profMust judges be criminal before they can convict thieves? must doctors suffer from all ailment before diagnosing them? having pointed out these, let me add that it takes one in a neutral position to give a candid opinion on an issue. a married person tends to be biased. an unmarried person is not biased. let me leave you all with this quote

ONE WHO CANT TEACHES

ONE WHO TEACHES CANT

Categories
education family gender relationship women

4 Reasons Why Its Better To Marry A Female Teacher

4 Reasons Why Its Better To Marry A Female Teacher

of all professions,teachers make better wife.my reasons are:

Teachers arebetter communicators communication is an essential tip for any relationship. Teachers communicate well with students,fellow teachers and parents.their ability to teach students same thing in many ways makes them able to communicate with different persons

THE KIDS ACADEMICS IS ASSURED………………HAVE you noticed that teachers children do well academically.?this is because teachers extend their job to the home.she asks them to home work and guides them in solving it.your kids can attend same school with their mum

TEACHERS ARE PATIENT……………………………….Agood teacher spendslonger time teaching one topic to slow learners are patient.such person ccan persevere with husband when going get tough.,………she would be able to withstand inlaw insults…

pUBLIC SPEAKING..

Every husband is proud when his wife comes out to adress the public with good charisma,body language and oratory skills

are you currently dating a teacher? Now grab her tight

Categories
family relationship

wrong approach to marriage

I wonder why the society places much emphasis on marriage. Immediately one clocks 20,he is being pressurised to get married.some parents agree mariage suitor for 14year old ds

getting married for me is just an event io ones life.it isnt a destination. One could choose to experience it or not. Anyone can get married antytime with any one . Getting married is easy.being married is hard.

In nigeria today,the high emphasiis on marraige has caused more pain than joy.families divide. Society look down on their unmarried colleague .younger married sisters disrespect the unmarried elderly sisters . You here statement like ” when you put a ring on that finger, we can talk”. Guys see unmarried men as irresponsible guys. When did marriage become a measure of responsibility?

Which should be celebrated?one who just got admission to studdy law or one who has been inducted to PRACTICE MEDICINE AND SAVE LIVES.?
IT IS BETTER TO CELEBRATE A COUPLE MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS THAN A NEWLY MARRIAGE LIFE . IT IS QUALITY AND DURATION OF MARRIAGE THAT MATTERS NOT THE BEGINING.

Categories
gender relationship

Why You Should Not Date A Girl Who Writes

Why youu shouldnt date or marry a female writer

Categories
family relationship

A crazyguy letter to his future wife

I found myself deep in thought about my future which prompted me to write this.i was born single and i hope to remain single.if you are reading this letter,it means i finally got married.

I dont know where you are from but am sure you wont be from chibokk-the land of bokoharam or nyanya-land of bommblast.
Congratulations,you are no more a miss but a mrs.

My marriage to you wasnt out of love for you butfor two reasons: due to family and society pressure.two-you said yes. Our marriage isnt really my desire so dont be too excited.

I know you are beautiful but dont expect me to keep tellin you that.its your job to maintain your beauty. I am not the romantic type so dont expect me to pet you.when i want to screw you, i just say bendown i wanna screw you. No foreplay-no touching. Dont dare say no else i go bring a slot and screw her right before your eyes.

Our union will be childless. I plan using protection each time we make out.just in case you get pregnant, i shall be only responsible for their naming. Expect a name like moyes or torress. Their upbringing is your duty

better be financially stable.that you are married doesnt mean you add to my burden.i wont spend a penny on you.we aint doing no church wedding unless you alone want to sponsor it.if you dont have a job, then you got no buisness in my house.

That i am married doesnt mean i will act like one. Have you heard of “married bachelor”?that describes me. Dont expect me home by 9pm. I am either clubing or drinking or watching football with my guys.

After reading this, i want you to make up your mind whether to proceed with the union and tolerate me or seek a divorce.i would prefer the later.

Meet you in court

Your huzband
crazy guy

Categories
family relationship

Where does love go when its gone