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family feminism gender life nigeria relationship women

Slutshaming among men and women

Slut shaming is the act of humiliating one for issues concerning ones sexuality. Women are mostly at the receiving end.One of the quickest way to hurt a girl is to tell her she is sexually loose. Many practices are considered inappropriate when done by a woman but accepted when committed by men.

Women are more likely to be punnished for putting on revealing clothes,purchasing birth control pills, expressing sex urge and prostitution. A study reveals that bye standers are less. Likely to come to the aid of a woman when she is dressed in revealing outfit. A woman who plays good and hides her sexual appetite is considered a potential awife.

Men are attracted by sight . A woman who reveals a lot gets the attention of guys who desire to have her and take her to bed. In the ancient times, women are seen as men possession. She is either owned by her parents when single or her husband when married. He tells her how to dress so that other guys would not invade her territory.Every guy protect his property from invaders.A sexually looses wife could get pregnant from another guy and bring the baby home to the man . He would not like to spend time, effort and resources raising another man child. Sexually reserved girls are valuable and sought after by suitors. A naive girl does not know any better. Any sex with his first partner would be satisfactory. Girls are attached to whoever disflowers her. A slut is assumed to have a wide farmland. It would be difficult for a guy with a narrow pencil to cultivate the land. Morever, a slut has numerous experience and could differentiate good from bad men in bed. A virgin may see a guy as a king but a slut knows he is just a learner. This account for the preference for virgin’s over sluts for men considering marriage.Fathers slut shame their daughter so top suitors can ask her hand in marriage. He hardly slut shame other ladies he is not related to. Men love slut as long as he is not related to her.He loves the short term sex they offer .

Women on the other hand understand that all social interaction is guided by the law of demand and supply. By applying the price elasticity of supply ,ladies unite to create an artificial scarcity of their punny while demand remain constant . This increases price (value). Ladies who dress totally covered and act prude make sex hard to come by . In return for sex, ladies demand commitment in form of marriage . Marriage serves as security for her during the times of pregnancy and child rearing. For this to work, ladies have to be in unity. They all have to play hard to get to increase their perceived value .When most ladies are sexually free, conservative women loose their power.

Whenever a lady likes a guy, she can only give green light. She will never tell him her feelings. This is because she does not want to loose her feminine power.She understand that the one less interested in a relationship controls it. She pretends she does not like sex so she maintains her power. Guys with high sex drive are easily manipulated by ladies.

For this reason, women slut shame each other more to act like a watch dog against themselves. They redicule their promiscuous peers to keep them in line. As communities fight wars, wives lost their husbands in battle . These widows would spend years without having sex . They can no longer hide their desire for it.They ended up as second wives or prostitute. Prostitution became necessary to cater for their sexual need and proceeds to take care of their children. These widow turned prostitutes offered services to single men who wanted experience but not ready for marriage. Women are loosing their power. They bash widows harder expelling the woman from all female gathering. In Rome,Women put on a special robe which sluts are prevented from wearing to mark a higher virtuous group from the lower promiscuous group. Young widows are patronised more than aged widows. They love the money they make and the freedom. They prefer not to get married again . Their daughter imitate them . Sluts are threat to marriage .

Slut shaming is a social construct. Feminist should stop blaming patriarchy for the act It is obvious that both gender are guilty for different reasons. We should look at the effect on the individual. A girl committed suicide for being called a slut. Her self-esteem was badly damaged. Women can begin by standing up to themselves when slut shamed.

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family feminism gender life nigeria relationship women world

Diverging mission behind divorce

Just as a child graduates from high school into college, his priorities shift. The courses he takes become more narrow. He drops some classmates behind and retain few classmates who share the same college preference and same course. We do not go remain in high school out of loyalty to our friends.

As we age, our values, hobbies job etc changes. This is a sign of growth.one whose priority remain constant is stagnant like a child who fails to learn . Our choice of life partner also change.

A partner is one who embark on a similar journey with us. As our priority changes, that of our partner may remain the same or change in a different direction. One partner is taking a leap in one direction and the other partner is watching while giving her full support . There are other relationship where the other partner discourage you from keeping up to your new ideal.you no longer feel connected. You become incompatible . Just because you are in a union does not mean you must follow our partner as he/ she changes her priorities

We find ourself finding time together with some else on a similar path and less time with our partner . We become more open to new partner there all boundaries are broken. We begin to fall in ln love with the new person. Afterward comes a sence of guilt. We feel we are cheating on our partner. When we are with him,we are happy. Afterwards,we are ashamed of ourself. Our shame comes from having made a vow to love one person forever. Our guilt comes from the society conditioning that we should only love our partner and no be me else. we are left in a dilemma: to honor our feeling and continue with this our new friend or continue living in a lovelessness marriage and deny ourself the opportunity to grow .

We feel guilty for cheating on our partner. This cheating arises because we do not totally tell our partner what is happening with the other person A committed relationship involves honest and humble individual who understand that their partner could fall out of love with activities and people one used to be with . When such happens, one absorbs the partner of blame knowing fully well that change is part of nature . Feelings are not always predictable. We may feel hungry at odd time.we may be happy one minute and sad the next minute for no apparent reason. We should feel acknowledge our feeling and express them to our partner . To get attracted to someone else beside our partner is not a taboo. When the partner understand that we are matured enough to emphasize with them as they express their pleasant feelings and experience with a new colleague without feeling jealous or judgemental, She/he would be more willing to open up her heart to you. This communication can make us understand our partner more,lead to greater intimacy and makes the other person feel safe and secure.

Whenever one wants to be with the other person.we let them embark on the journey.We communicate our feeling openly and arrive at a mutual agreement of divorce than to live in denial with all it’s lies and betrayal. A monogamous relationship does not necessarily mean we own our partner.It is not a life sentence. It is a process for growth. Letting go can become a gain rather than a loss when it leads us to our higher self.we can still retain the friendship while taking time to grow . Sticking to a union that does not lead to a higher growth can be detrimental to our wellbeing

The best relationship is the relationship where each promise to tell the truth even when it hurts. Cheating arises when one begins to hide the truth because our partner may not be able to handle it. Not all relationship are meant to last forever. Some relationship are meant to propel us to a greater height. Some relationship brings out hidden potential in us we never new existed. Another relationship improves on that potential. No monogamous relationship is a failure. Each has one lesson to teach us. It takes wisdom to know when a relationship has served its purpose and move into a new one.

We should not just bail out of every relationship. We should be sure that the reason for unfulfimment in the union does not arises out of faults. Rather, we discover we no longer derive Joy in activitiess we used to . One partner has encountered a change in Religion and we cannot tolerate that .We feel lonely in the presence of our partner and alive in the presence of another without any reason . We should examine ourself to know whether we are in the union out of fear or out of love. Are we scared of what people we say when I leave? Am I scared of loosing certain previledges? We cannot truely grow in an environment of fear

Categories
life nigeria relationship

Guess the emotion (1)

Why do I perceive you as a threat

To my important relationship

Why is my esteem shaken

At the mention of your name

Why do I imagine the worst

Whenever you are present

Do I retreat to my shell

Repress it and deny it’s existence

Do I keep close tab on you

Or go tell at the rival.

Unwilling to discuss the situation

Like the feeling is useless

Categories
childhood family feminism life relationship women

Masculine women and Feminine men

When Nollywood actor Pet Edochie fumed at the young men kneeling before a woman, he was backlashed. Pet was comparing happenings in his youthful age against  the youth in this generation. The traditional Igbo man is highly placed in the society. During traditional wedding,the woman kneels down to propose to the man.The one who kneels begs the other for a favor.A typical Igbo man hardly kneels for his fellow man talkless of a woman . He only kneels for the gods who he recognizes as more powerful than he is.

Pet is  not alone. Many men have noticed a decline in the masculinity of men. The Alpha male movement and redpill movement are attempt to correct this imbalance.When did thngs change? When did man begin to loose his ego to stoop so low to kneel before a less powerful being. Was the change sudden or gradual?

Women were seen as irrational and emotional.Men were the rational and strong willed. Men were taught to act like men They had to suppress their emotion close to their heart. Men should never cry in public.  Expression of vulnerability  is a sign of a weak man.  Men are closed minded, rigid and structured. He should not seek fun .Men. Should always be in power, strive for control, compete.They lack empathy necessary for effective communication and connection.

In early days, male children joined their fathers in the river fishing or the forest haunting. Female spent their time with the mothers cooking. Each gender know his role. You hardly see a man in the kitchen or a girl hunting. Men learnt to act like men and women learnt to act like women.Then came the industrial era. Lands meant for farming and hunting was taking over by the government to build factory. The owners of the land were jobless.To offer compensation, the men were integrated as workers in this factory. Their male children were not allowed to follow dad to work.son stays at home with the mum while Dad went to work. Father leaves home as early as eight and comes home by six. He is exhausted, he sleeps to get strength for the next day. Fathers became absent in their son’s life. The role of dad in son life began to reduce while the role of mum in son life began to rise. Mummy passes over her feminine qualities to growing son.

Then came education. Female involvement in  education at an early age especially science and  law improve her reasoning abilities (masculinity) . Female take part in competitive games like the male counterpart. This improves their aggression.These women ended up as heads of organization.They took  decision and gave instructions . These women began to have a thirst of power . Their masculine qualities were awoken.

Girls  who enjoy highly competitive games with a desire to win also increases their aggression (masculinity). We tag such women names like Tomboy. They are ladies with highly developed masculine side and poorly developed feminine side.. Such masculine girls are attracted to  the beta guys. If a man is more masculine in nature,he will be attracted to a very feminine woman who will compliment his energy. Balance men prefer neutral women.. Masculine girls at attracted to a feminine guy or sisi or beta guy . Such guys are few as society teaches guys to wear the Alpha mask. She can only find solace among her fellow feminine women. This is the origin of homosexuality- . Heterosexual are no different from homosexual as both seek balance .

Society has widened this energy balance over the years. Civilisation is bring closing the gap. Homosexual are closer to achieving balance compared to heterosexual. Yet, Homosexuals feel guilty for not complying with society expectation. . There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, for it IS what is. However, we need to bear in mind that society at this time is traumatized due to so many centurie conditioned to comply with that. DO we want to fit in? Until WHEN? We need to learn to Love who we are, while allowing others to be what they want to be. Acceptance is the way of Life.

We should understand that each individual hold masculine and feminine qualities within us. When both qualities are not well alligned, the person is out of balance. The traditional gender roles over the years has created highly masculine males on one hand and highly feminine female on the other side.  we are drawn to certain individual that help us correct these imbalance. These highly masculine males become attracted to highly feminine female.

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africa gender life nigeria relationship religion women

A Christian dad and son conversation on homosexuality

Son: what does the Bible teach about homosexuality and masturbation.

Dad: I do not know and I do not care to know

Son: But you are a Christian

Dad: yes, A Christian who follows the teaching of Jesus. Christ alone and not the Bible.

Son; But Bible contains Jesus teaching

Dad: true. It also contains the teaching of Paul,the teaching of Moses , the teaching of Elijah and many other teaching. As a Christian, I accept the teaching of Jesus Christ.

Son: Ok, Now what did Jesus teach about masturbation and homosexuality.

Dad: Jesus never mentioned any of them literally but he showed us with illaustration how to treat those whose views are different from ours.

Child: How?

Dad: He never condemned the adultrous woman, he visited tax collectors, he dined with sinners. He showered them with love.

Son : does that mean they won’t go to hell?

Dad: would you derive Joy in Watching your loved one in hell?

Son: No I won’t

Dad: good.

Dad: sex is a way of expressing Love. There are different stages of love. The first is love directed to oneself. A child grows up loving himself.Using sexual analogy, the child derives Joy playing with his body, his genital. Jesus said Love thyself.

Son : hmm

Dad: The second is Love of similar specie.The child begins to extend the love to those of closest to him+ family, friend,tribe etc. A boy plays with a boy.A girl plays with a girl. Using sexual analogy, this is homosexual. Christ preached Love your neighbor.

Son : I see

Dad: The third stage of love is where one loves those different from oneself .Jesus said Love your enemy.your enemy is your opponent, opposite,one with a different view. Sexually, one is attracted to the gender different from him.A boy is attracted to a girl and vice-versa.

Son :

Dad: One who hates masturbators and homosexuals and love heterosexual is no different from one who loves others over himself and his peers.Such person is in a third stage of love.

Son : which is the best.

Dad: All of the above.The fourth type. The pansexual. The attraction to all . Self, male, and female. It is universal love. Agape love. Love without condition.

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nigeria relationship

To the bestie that fell in love with me

I wanted us to be just friends and I told you from the very start. Some how we got closer.You began to feel something for me. I did not notice at first. Your jealousy increased I played it cool. Now you have opened up. I know Iy must have been difficult for you to . Now I cannot pretend any longer. We need to talk about it .

I do not have to pretend to feel the same way as that would be dishonesty on my part. I do not want to turn you down abruptly. For that would bring an end tovthe wonderful friendships.The awkwardness is what I am trying to manage now so we need loose everything.

I am sorry If I gave you any signal that I would be interested in taking decision is to the next level.

I need your affirmation that you can handle and accept the situation without feeling embarrassed and return to normal friendship without avoiding each other.

I promise not to tell any third party about this disclosure.I would tune down any flirting signs I might be giving unknowing

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childhood family life nigeria relationship

How not to obey your parents

Two ears ago, My uncle summoned his children on his sick bed and instructed the first son to take over his law firm. This was the same son who resented studying law and only studied the course to please the dad. The same dad has asked him to forfeit his personal ambition.

The young man was literally unhappy as he managed the firm. He obeyed bitterly. He poured out his aggression on the entire staff.  

Obedience should be done out of love rather than duty. When an act is carried out of duty, the relationship with those around is diminished. 

I had to tell him that he was not bound to his late father wish. He could simply employ a trusted fellow to manage the firm while he supervises periodically.

Children should be made to do things out of duty in the beginning.As they grow up, duty should be gradually replaced by love. Love is a better teacher than obligation.  Duty is mechanical and externally motivated by a sence of obligation . Love makes it easier. Love transform responsibility to joy. A sence of  duty warmed by a love for humanity creates the best result.

I have seen a girl  reject suitor so they can take care their aging parents. While the act is commendable,It should be done out of love and not out of society expectation so she doesn’t regret it taking care of aged parent should be done from the bottom of her heart and not as a debt she owes you.  

The factory worker who constantly looks at the clock for it to be five o click to drop his tools work out of duty and not out of love .  Such a man will have lots of regret when he finally retires. Christianity is one religion built out of love rather than a sence of duty. God love the world that he gave his son……He did not owe the world. No one would punnish him for non compliance.To  be a great teacher, begin by loving children. To be a great auto-mechanic, begin by loving automobile.

Categories
feminism nigeria relationship

Battle of the sexes

Women need men to rule over them

Like sheep with a dead brain

Logic used to strip her off power

In an effort to maintain male dominance

Public participation an embargo

Officiating in religion a sin against God

Tertiary education a financial waste

Rearing of children,her reason for been made

Trading her own punny is not right

Whereas men exchange money for physical might

Men make the rules .Men have the final say 

Abide by the unfair system, follow the way

Gets raped amidst struggle and cries

Her virginity taken ,her dignity her pride

Difficult to proof,justice to be denied

Threatened into silence she hides the crime

Atrocity committed by her dad she Trust most

Without pills, without raincoat

Seed begins to germinate. Stomach potrudes

She wants it terminated.but that is a taboo

Shamed for considering abortion

Men only concern is more population

Her body is a decision to be made by society

Her freewill taken,yet another cruelty

Forced to become a single mother

With all its shame and stigma

Social distanced like one with covid nineteen

“Do not be like her” mothers warn their kids

The men do not desire second hand property

She bears it all alone amidst poverty

Develops a passionate hatred for male

Seeks listening ear to tell her tale

Find solace among fellow victim

Under an umbrella of bitter feminist

Relieved to discover she is not lonely

Now she got a chance to tell the world her story

Whom do we blame

Male or female

Power abused yields anarchy

Power used in fairness improves loyalty

The hunted hunts the hunter

Grudge not! Enjoy the karma

Categories
family nigeria relationship

So a priest should not watch a reality show

It was a shock to many Nigerians that a priest would mention the names of Big brother Naija house mates while preaching the sermon. Someone said “he should be preaching against it rather than talk about it. “

That means he used to watch it

Religion leaders are perceived as the Hallmark of Holiness and sex related crimes are regarded as the highest form of sin in Nigeria. For a person that is highly regarded as an icon of morals to be associated with immorality is a scandal. Let’s examine the underlying assumption

Big brother Nigeria is a reality show and not a porn show . BBnaija as it is fondly called is a live reality TV show like Ultimate search, where young men and women share a flat and are asked to work together. Psychologist have suggested that when persons come together to perform activities together, a bond is likely to develop. This bond can lead to love or lust and consequently sexual activities. This sexual activities make up a little percentage of the entire activities in the house. But because the average Nigerian is obsessed with sex, we often exaggerate a minute sexual act .To classify BBNAIJA as porn show because of a minute sexual act is like throwing away the baby with the bath water . There is no Hollywood script today without an erotic scene. The popular James bond movie showed traces of nudity .

We can learn life lessons from BB Naija . The current life triangle between Erica, Laycon and Kiddway can provide a vital lesson to young men and women experiencing relationship issues. At times we are torn between Two choices, going for a nice person whom loves us very much or one whom we love but does not really care about us. Watching how Erica decision ended can guide us in taking our own decision.

ARE THERE CERTAIN ISSUES A CLERGY SHOULD ABSTAIN FROM? Gone are the days when clergy are excepted from participating in worldly activities. Today, religious leaders are fully involved in every area of life. Our current vice President is a senior pastor in one of the Pentecostal churches actively involved in politics. Reverend Father Mbaka has been a constant predictor of political events. Prophet T.B Joshua is known for his prophecies on soccer. Pastors are not different from us. They had their interest as human. While we chose to specialise in health, engineering, buissness, banking,etc,a pastor chose to focus on religion. An engineer can be a Barcelona fan.A pastor can too. Putting on a white cassock does not mean they should kill off all their interest. Asking them to hide off their personal interest from the public creates a hypocrite out of them all. One who loves reality shows before ordination would still love it after ordination.

Pastors can watch BBNAIJA what makes a sin depends more on the motive than the act itself. In law, the motives must be prooved before one can be convicted of a crime. The question Why should a pastor watch the program? Great parents understand the importance of using activities that the children find interesting in other to create a bond and teach the child. Some fathers create time on Saturday evening to play soccer with their child to motivate their child to teach perfection with practice. Some mothers watch cartoon Network with their children and use the characters to teach morals. What is wrong in a religious father using the interest of the parishioners to explain certain biblical concept to the parishioners. I see a priest telling men to be silent whenever the woman gets upset and insultive. He used Laycon to illustrate the advice . This advice can save lots of relationship. Many of us run to our religious leaders for relationship advice .

The Bible prohibit us from casting judgement . Classify one as immoral does not make such person immoral but shows our need to look morally superior to that person..

Categories
life relationship

OF Walls and Bridges

Whenever we meet a stranger, we try to evaluate the person in terms of our perception. We try to see what we share in common. The more similarly,the tendency to open ourselves more to friendship. We reserve a space  for those who share our family, language, ethnicity and expand it to those who share our hobbies,job, religion etc. This  common trait enable us build bridges beyond ourselves and those outside of us .

In the same way, when the dissimilarities are more, we create a barrier . We do not include them in our circle . We create imaginary wall. We hold our emotion so tight .

We are consciously or unconsciously connecting with people or saperating from them.The boss who isolates himself from the  workers treating them as  human machine  is building a wall of saperation . The master who offers a word of appreciation,, ask how the children are doing  builds bridges of connection. Every wall we build breeds a new wall . 

Whatever keeps us from reaching out to people is a wall. It could be sence of superiority, wall of selfishness, intolerance, group,fear etc

To curb this, we should see ourselves first as human and admit that the other is a living being like us. Developing closeness to the entire human. Seeing ourselves in terms of this group or that group obstructs us from a wider identity as human beings. We should refrain from getting so attached to our religion or group as that would blind us from seeing the value of another religion. We can take a cue from doctors and red Cross members who offer assistance to injured without inquiring about the patient group. Our motive should be universal compassion and desire to alleviate the suffering of others.

Categories
nigeria relationship

Before we get too serious

There is something I have been wanting to tell you but do not have the courage to look you in the face . I guess the best way to go about is through the pen .

The first time I set my eyes on you, I fell in love with you. I never believed in love at first sight until I met you. We have been dating for sometime now.

I brought out my lovable side, my strength to you so I could win your love in return.  In the process, I hid my weaknesses from you.   you do not know the real me . I am scared you would flee if I do reveal my true self.  Our relationship is getting serious and it gladdens my heart. At the same time,I feel true friends deserve to be authentic to each other. Morever, I may not be able to conceal my less appealing side any longer.

If you are expecting an ideal partner, I am afraid you got the wrong guy. I will not always be the one to dry your tears. Yes I would hurt you but It would never be out of malice but oversight and ego.I would make you cry attimes.you should take me as I am not asyou desire me to be.

I may look  always self sufficient and  confident, underneath, I I am insecured. I have learnt to conceal my true feeling like a man. I have this ability to sweet talk you and promise you heaven in other to make you feel better or get you to do something for me. I may not be able to deliver.

I am working on myself to be a better person. I will try to make you happy by trial and error . I  need your feedback to tell me how you desire to be loved as I may not be able to read your mind.

Never expect me to apologise to you in public . I got my ego to protect but I will always achnowledge my wrong while I am alone with you.

Attached are the phone number of my former partners. You may contact them for more information about me. Review my history and decide with your eyes wide open before we take a step forward. I will not disappoint you if you know me as a falliable person. I would be extremely glad knowing you would accept my flaws and fault. I would not hold it against you should you decide to call it off though. I expect your feedback in two weeks time.

How would you respond to this letter?

Categories
relationship

Monogamy is not for everyone

Marriage is an individual choice and not a collective one. The government has no business regulating how I use my genital.  It is mine and mine alone.  I decide who I choose to get married to . I can decide to share it with a single person or a married person.  It is  my freedom to choose to be a celibate or be married.   While married, I decide with my partner whether to make it open relationship or monogamy.

Marriage is not for everyone. There are people who are happier single. I mean those who are do introverted that they cannot tolerate a very long time without feeling drained. There are people who prefer long distance relationship with few visits and frequent absence rather than continued presence.  those whose high attention sexual urge cannot be satisfied by any one individual. There are others who dislike the boredom of sticking to one  partner scares the hell out of them. Variety is the spice of life.The fun of experimenting with various sizes and  types thrills them. There are yet another group whose need for independence and freedom makes them dislike the idea of  consulting with another before making decision.  There is another group that  love to be in motion. They wake up one morning and decide to relocate to another state only to explore another culture the next year. Traveling is their hobby and getting married with kids hinders that . Settling down is like a death trap. Flowing water is cleaner. Stagnant water attracts mosquitoes and other microorganism.

Human needs are various. the concept of getting married does not fit into their ideal future. They are better off single or in an open relationship. imposing  monogamy marriage on them will choke them. Their partner and children would suffer . Cheating is bound to occur. The fact that cheating still exist means we should question the effectiveness of monogamy and possibility of open marriage.

Investment experts would advice you never to put all your eggs in one basket to mitigate against risk. Economic  expert suggest diversification and not depending on only crude oil. Why don’t we  Apply  the same analogy to our own emotional life.   Risk is mitigated when we stop expecting one person to be our confident, sexual satisfier ,friend, mother of children etc. Can we consider open marriage and celibacy as alternative to monogamy

Categories
life relationship world

In memory

While I was away from you,.

my world did not stop to move

.why I  showered you my wholehearted love

Still remains a mystery yet unsolved.
We weren’t meant o last forever

But to propel each other to a heights greater
While we were apart , 

I became much happier and better
The land is greener on my side

I wish you a glorious ride

Categories
childhood education family gender relationship

, what impacts did your father had in your life?

It really is remarkable how deeply fathers impact the lives of their children either negatively or positively. The following stories describe four different kinds of fathers. You may find yourself identifying with one of them

1) One man who struggles with low self esteem recalls that his father paid very little attention to him, and that the attention he got was often hurtful. He sill struggles with feelings of failure and the thought that no matter how hard he tries it just isn’t good enough.
His father on the other hand felt that he was motivating his son with positive criticism “for his own good”, and that his lack of affirmation was to keep his son from becoming proud and arrogant. “All I wanted was to help him be the best that he could be. I know my standards were high, but the world is a tough place and I just wanted him to be prepared”. Although his intentions may have been good, the damage he caused would take years to overcome.

2) A lady tells the story about her father who was overprotective. She had very little freedom to go anywhere. If she asked permission to go somewhere there was always a reason why she couldn’t.

3) Another lady tells the story of how her Dad was a workaholic and that there was a lot of tension and conflict in the home. He may have been there physically but he was emotionally unavailable to her. She felt ignored by him. She longed for his attention and approval. She grew up feeling empty, emotionally abandoned, and struggled with low self esteem.
If you ask her how her relationship with her father impacted her she would tell you that she felt she had to grow up too fast, and that she missed out on her childhood. She leaned at an early age to fend for herself and not to ask for help and that she couldn’t trust people especially men, because they would let her down. As a teen she looked for love in all the wrong places and would dress in a way that got attention from guys, but in the end it wasn’t the kind of attention she needed. The whole trajectory of her life was in the wrong direction and she ended up in a lifestyle of promiscuity and addiction.

4) On a positive note there is a man who describes his dad as being someone he could always talk to. He remembers having all kinds of discussions with him on many different topics. As a kid he felt that he could actually learn from his dad’s mistakes. His dad was not perfect by any means, but at least he was authentic. Even as a kid his dad would ask him for his opinions and his ideas and would listen curiously to what he would have to say. He remembers his dad as having boundaries but also being flexible. If he could come up with a good enough argument for why he should be able to do something he could usually convince his dad, as long as it wasn’t unreasonable. He remembered developing a strategy for picking his battles and not sweating the small stuff.
If you ask how him how his dad impacted his life he would tell you that he learned to think for himself. Despite his shortcomings and failures he felt affirmed and validated as a young man, and that this somehow gave him the “freedom to fail”. He attributes his success in life to this “freedom to fail”.
This man is an confident decision maker and has risen to be a leader in his place of work. At home he loves being a dad. His wife also loves that he can articulate his thoughts and feelings well. Generally speaking he seems to be a happy guy.

Isn’t it interesting how deeply our relationship with our fathers impact us?
A good balance between love and discipline is the key to great parenting. Barbara Coloroso describes four parenting styles based on love and discipline. The “jellyfish” parent scores high on love but low on discipline. The “brick wall” parent is like the father in the first example- high on discipline and low on love. The “permissive” parent, like the father in the third example, is low in love and low in discipline. The “backbone” parent represents the ideal. Like the father in the fourth example this parent scores high on love and high on discipline.

Categories
africa childhood gender relationship women

“you look sexy”” is an insult

YOU LOOK SEXY” IS AN INSULT
Ladies,do you always feel happy when people see
the way you dress and say you look sexy?
“You look sexy” is not a greeting, it is not a
compliment, it is an insult.
They are telling you, you are good for sex only,
they are telling you you have something good
under your skirt, but nothing tangible under your
Cap.
They are saying you are a bed professional,
bedroom expert and nothing more.
They are saying your greatest asset is under your
pant, what an insult, never allow anybody to tell
you, you look sexy again, because that simply
means they are saying you are boys toy and guys
pleasure tool, sex symbol and not a great
personalty, not somebody to be respected.
They are simply saying you are closer to been a
prostitute than to been a Virtuous, quality and
exceptional woman. So always dress to look pretty
and beautiful, don’t dress to look sexy.
Queens and FIRST LADIES don’t dress to look
Sexy, they always dress to look beautiful, adorable
and pretty.
But BED LADIES will dress otherwise because like
whores their value and biggest asset is in bed.
Always remember that good product are always
well covered, branded and well packed, but
worthless product are always exposed for all dick
and harry to see, make yourself valuable, cover up
girl, let your daughter be proud of you in future,
stop been object of Lust and passion.
So when you are dressing tomorrow morning ask
yourself, am I dressing like a FIRST LADY or like
BED LADY, let your dressing answer for you