In memory

While I was away from you,.

my world did not stop to move

.why I  showered you my wholehearted love

Still remains a mystery yet unsolved.
We weren’t meant o last forever

But to propel each other to a heights greater
While we were apart , 

I became much happier and better
The land is greener on my side

I wish you a glorious ride

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Apart from paying your school fees and providing shelter, what other impacts did your father had in your life?

It really is remarkable how deeply fathers impact the lives of their children either negatively or positively. The following stories describe four different kinds of fathers. You may find yourself identifying with one of them

1) One man who struggles with low self esteem recalls that his father paid very little attention to him, and that the attention he got was often hurtful. He sill struggles with feelings of failure and the thought that no matter how hard he tries it just isn’t good enough.
His father on the other hand felt that he was motivating his son with positive criticism “for his own good”, and that his lack of affirmation was to keep his son from becoming proud and arrogant. “All I wanted was to help him be the best that he could be. I know my standards were high, but the world is a tough place and I just wanted him to be prepared”. Although his intentions may have been good, the damage he caused would take years to overcome.

2) A lady tells the story about her father who was overprotective. She had very little freedom to go anywhere. If she asked permission to go somewhere there was always a reason why she couldn’t.

3) Another lady tells the story of how her Dad was a workaholic and that there was a lot of tension and conflict in the home. He may have been there physically but he was emotionally unavailable to her. She felt ignored by him. She longed for his attention and approval. She grew up feeling empty, emotionally abandoned, and struggled with low self esteem.
If you ask her how her relationship with her father impacted her she would tell you that she felt she had to grow up too fast, and that she missed out on her childhood. She leaned at an early age to fend for herself and not to ask for help and that she couldn’t trust people especially men, because they would let her down. As a teen she looked for love in all the wrong places and would dress in a way that got attention from guys, but in the end it wasn’t the kind of attention she needed. The whole trajectory of her life was in the wrong direction and she ended up in a lifestyle of promiscuity and addiction.

4) On a positive note there is a man who describes his dad as being someone he could always talk to. He remembers having all kinds of discussions with him on many different topics. As a kid he felt that he could actually learn from his dad’s mistakes. His dad was not perfect by any means, but at least he was authentic. Even as a kid his dad would ask him for his opinions and his ideas and would listen curiously to what he would have to say. He remembers his dad as having boundaries but also being flexible. If he could come up with a good enough argument for why he should be able to do something he could usually convince his dad, as long as it wasn’t unreasonable. He remembered developing a strategy for picking his battles and not sweating the small stuff.
If you ask how him how his dad impacted his life he would tell you that he learned to think for himself. Despite his shortcomings and failures he felt affirmed and validated as a young man, and that this somehow gave him the “freedom to fail”. He attributes his success in life to this “freedom to fail”.
This man is an confident decision maker and has risen to be a leader in his place of work. At home he loves being a dad. His wife also loves that he can articulate his thoughts and feelings well. Generally speaking he seems to be a happy guy.

Isn’t it interesting how deeply our relationship with our fathers impact us?
A good balance between love and discipline is the key to great parenting. Barbara Coloroso describes four parenting styles based on love and discipline. The “jellyfish” parent scores high on love but low on discipline. The “brick wall” parent is like the father in the first example- high on discipline and low on love. The “permissive” parent, like the father in the third example, is low in love and low in discipline. The “backbone” parent represents the ideal. Like the father in the fourth example this parent scores high on love and high on discipline.

“you look sexy”” is an insult

YOU LOOK SEXY” IS AN INSULT
Ladies,do you always feel happy when people see
the way you dress and say you look sexy?
“You look sexy” is not a greeting, it is not a
compliment, it is an insult.
They are telling you, you are good for sex only,
they are telling you you have something good
under your skirt, but nothing tangible under your
Cap.
They are saying you are a bed professional,
bedroom expert and nothing more.
They are saying your greatest asset is under your
pant, what an insult, never allow anybody to tell
you, you look sexy again, because that simply
means they are saying you are boys toy and guys
pleasure tool, sex symbol and not a great
personalty, not somebody to be respected.
They are simply saying you are closer to been a
prostitute than to been a Virtuous, quality and
exceptional woman. So always dress to look pretty
and beautiful, don’t dress to look sexy.
Queens and FIRST LADIES don’t dress to look
Sexy, they always dress to look beautiful, adorable
and pretty.
But BED LADIES will dress otherwise because like
whores their value and biggest asset is in bed.
Always remember that good product are always
well covered, branded and well packed, but
worthless product are always exposed for all dick
and harry to see, make yourself valuable, cover up
girl, let your daughter be proud of you in future,
stop been object of Lust and passion.
So when you are dressing tomorrow morning ask
yourself, am I dressing like a FIRST LADY or like
BED LADY, let your dressing answer for you

Never touch a woman for inappropriate dressing

group violence by men against women based on the fickle notion of fashion morality is flat out irrational. That is the type of irrational conjecture that will drive our generation back a few decades. Nothing a woman can wear will be deemed appropriate by all men. And it honestly should not matter what men’s opinion on their clothing is. Women are not property; they are other human beings. This is not a new debate. It ended eons ago

Don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to be uncomfortable about how someone else chooses (or doesn’t choose but is inclined) to live their lives. You’re just not allowed to force a person to change to ease your discomfort.
It’s a fairly simple concept: to each his/her own. Men can wear whatever they want. Women can too. Everything people can or can’t wear is accommodated for in the law of the nation or the dress code of an establishment, not in the hearts of men who think it justifiable to strip somebody’s daughter just to shame her.

The same men who would strip a woman for wearing the wrong clothes, leave a man alone for the same. Even those guys who really want to make sure their hours at the gym show through their baby sized t-shirts or guys whose jeans are so skinny that if they farted, they’d dislocate an ankle and a kneecap, so they sag for safety, showcasing shit stricken neon yellow boxers. Those guys never get beaten up and stripped either.

So, if men’s fashion is not being brought to tow, why shouldn’t my sister or your sister be entitled to wear whatever she’s wearing?
Yes, we all have the right to an opinion, but we don’t have the right to enforce an opinion in barbaric fashion. If opinions could be enforced with such vigour, I’d have blown up Parliament years ago for being a blatant waste of taxpayers money. And I think that would’ve gotten us further than stripping women randomly on the street and brutalising their liberties.

And if what she is wearing is slightly shocking or appalling to me then I reserve the right to comment and have an opinion. But the right to action is hers and the laws’. Nobody tried to put Lady Gaga on a grill because she wore a meat suit, so nobody should try to act on the length of a skirt or a dress. Even though some of you guys are acting on even less, sometimes nothing, which is just indicative of failing at humanity.

Diasporadical

romantic stories of the bible

The most romantic stories in the Bible
Khaya Dlanga
Mon 04 Apr 2011

The first story is about Jacob. Now Jacob, son of Isaac wanted to get married. So he went to his uncle’s crib, who had two daughters. One hot. The other not so much. The oldest daughter was not so hot because the Bible says, “Leah had weak eyes”. I suspect she was squint. The younger daughter’s name was Rachel and she was damn hot too. How do I know? “For the Bible tells me so” (sorry, couldn’t resist) the Bible tells us that “Rachel had a lovely figure” mind you, this was before the invention of bikinis. The Bible continues about Rachel “and was beautiful”. And you guys thought the Bible wasn’t shallow sometimes?

Jacob wanted hot miss thang, Rachel. Duh, obviously. He was in love with her. Jacob was broke and had nothing, he offered to work for his uncle for seven years in order to afford to marry Her Royal Hotness, Rachel. Laban,

Rachel’s dad agreed to this arrangement. Jacob worked for a whole seven years to get her. As the Bible puts it “but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her”. Ahhh, so romantic.

Then the seven years came to pass and he said to Laban, “Malume, give me my wife”. OK, now brace yourself for the next few sentences. “My time is completed and I want to make love to her.” This guy! Jacob basically said to his fiancée’s dad: “I wanna shag your daughter dude. It’s been a while.” Can you imagine telling your future father-in-law that you want to “make love” to his daughter? The audacity of this man. In fact, give this man a Bell’s!

The wedding happened. She was covered, brought to him in the night. They shagged and as we would say in the black custom to indicate that a lot of shagging happened: “They shagged and shagged, and shagged and shagged and shagged.” So when morning came, there was Leah! He’d been doing the dirty with her all along.

Obviously Jacob is pissed off now. He worked seven years, a whole seven years to marry the hot one, now he gets the not-so-hot-one. His uncle, the deceitful conniving bastard says: “Sorrynyana. But according to our custom, the older daughter has to get married first.” Probably said inGeneration’straditionalist voice —

Khaphela. Then Uncle Laban also gave him the hot daughter, Rachel, but he had to work another seven years for her too.
The second story is a short one. It’s the story of the romantic Elkanah, prophet Samuel’s dad. Elkanah had two wives, this dude had nothing on Jacob Zuma. Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children by the truck-load or should we say camel-load?

Hannah on other hand hadnada. He’d go to the temple with his wives every year. This dude loved Hannah even though she had no kids. The wife with the kids would be rather bitchy to her for she had no kids. So she’d always be crying and would not eat. Elkanah would always say to her: “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you more than 10 sons?”

I think the “don’t I mean more to you than 10 sons” bit is the most romantic thing I’ve read in the Bible. For what he is saying is this, I don’t love you for a reason. The only reason I love you is because I love you. You don’t have to do anything. All you have to do is be you. That is all. It’s almost a prophetic image of Christ who loves us despite ourselves. We don’t have to do anything for him to love us. He loves justnje.

identifying potential rapist by their words

A man is a rape-supporter if…

*.He has ever sexually engaged with any woman while she was underage, drunk, high, physically restrained, unconscious, or subjected to psychological, physical, economic, or emotional coercion.

*.He has blamed a woman for “putting herself in a situation” where she “could be” attacked.

*.
*.He threatens to patronise prostitutes when patner says no to his sex appeal defends .

Defends men accused for rape in court even with glaring evidence

*.He watches pornography in which women are depicted.
*.He watches any pornography in which sexual acts are depicted as a struggle for power or domination, regardless of whether women are present.

*.He characterizes the self-sexualizing behavior of some women, such as wearing make-up or high heels, as evidence of women’s desire to “get” a man.

*.He tells or laughs at jokes involving women being attacked, sexually “hoodwinked,” or sexually harassed.

*.He expresses enjoyment of movies/musicals/TV shows/plays in which women are sexually demeaned or presented as sexual objects

*.He mocks women who complain about sexual attacks, sexual harassment, street cat-calls, media depictions of women, or other forms of sexual objectification.

For every penny he gives you, he indirectly expects girl to pay back in kind

*.He states or implies that women who do not want to have sex with men are “inhibited,” “prudes,” “stuck-up,” “man-haters,” or psychologically ill.

*.He argues that certain male behaviors towards women are “cultural” and therefore not legitimate subjects of feminist attention.

*.He ever subordinates the interests of women in a given population to the interests of the men in that population, or proceeds in discussions as if the interests of the women are the same as the interests of the men.

*.He promotes religious or philosophical views in which a woman’s physical/psychological/emotional/sexual well-being is subordinated to a man’s.

*.He describes female anatomy in terms of penetration, or uses terms referencing the supposed “emptiness” of female anatomy when describing women.e.g calling girls holes.

*.He defends the sexualization or sexual abuse of minor females on the grounds of “consent” or “willingness.”

*.He promotes the idea that women as a class are happier or more fulfilled if they have man, or that they “should” have man.

*.He argues that people (or just “men”) have sexual “needs.”

*.He discusses the “types” of women he finds sexually appealing and/or attempts to demean women by telling them he does not find them sexually appealing.

*.He defends these actions by saying that some women also engage in rape.

Are you guilty of any of these?

i dont want obedient children

If you heard someone described as obedient, what thoughts does it bring to mind? Someone with no mind of their own, who will do what you tell them, who won’t stand up for themselves. Oh no, that’s not what I’m aiming for, and so I do not want ‘obedient’ children.

Children used to be expected to be ‘seen but not heard’, to never answer back, to do as their parents say for no other reason than ‘because I said so!’ Thankfully that has changed a bit, but it does seem to me that a lot of peoplearestill striving for obedience from their children. Or at least that a lot of people expect you to be. The mother in the shopping centre with a screaming child can expect glares and ‘control your child’ comments from passersby. As if children aren’t their own person but more like possessions to be controlled.

That your parenting should be judged on how well your children behave, how quiet they are, how obedient they appear. That somehow the tighter grip you have on them, the more you are able to influence them and they will turn into a respectable adult.

And so ‘talking back’ is ok with me (as long as it’s not rudely).
Asking me why they can’t do something is ok with me.
Trying to negotiate with me is ok.
Disagreeing with me is ok.
Big feelings are ok with me, and not something to be frustrated about.
By reacting this way I am teaching them that no matter if someone is bigger, older, or more powerful, it’s ok to question or stand up for what you think is right. That you can also do this in a polite and respectful way. That often things still don’t go your way and how to deal with that. If instead I chose to enforce behaviour with punishment, never let them question me, or didn’t help them with their big emotions, then how would they learn to deal with these situations in the future? How would that effect our relationship? Would they feel valued, respected, and important? Or would they feel powerless?

I don’t want my children to grow up to be ‘obedient’ adults, who give in to peer pressure, who are afraid to voice their opinion. Nor do I want them to grow up thinking that the way we interact with people younger than us is by coercion and control. Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. They can handle simple age appropriate explanations for things. They deserve reasons for our actions. I doubt I would be happy to do something I didn’t want to do if the only reason I was given was ‘because I said so’. I can extend the same courtesy to my children

sarah