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ethics life police politics religion world

Good Killers

Children grow up to obey authorities. They receive approval, praise and reward for doing what authority approves and receive disapproval for non-compliance. Their cognitive abilities is still developing so they are unable to distinguish what is right from what is wrong independently.

Children take this teaching to adulthood even when the thinking ability to reason is fully developed. Grown up children are quick to obey authorities even in times when doing so is immoral. While that of children is understandable as. Incompetency to distinguish between what good from what is bad, adult who commit the same act are out of cowardice . They do not want to be held liable to the consequence of their action so would rather hand the decision-making to an external agent .

For example, an armed robber who threatens one to give away a percentage of his money or risk getting killed is not a perceived as an authority by The victim . The government through its law enforcement agents like Police may threaten you to give wm a percentage of your money or risk going to jail. The clergy threaten one to give away with a certain percentage of his money or risk external damnation. The armed robber is not an authority and the victim will not feel guilty for resisting him but to resist the clergy or the police would be seen as illegal or immoral. The police and the preacher are seeing as agents of authority who act on behalf of government and God respectively whereas. In that case, it is the individual perception of authority that matters.

Sometimes this blind allegiance to authority distort our ability to differentiate what is good from what is bad. It is wrong to kill your fellow man. But when the perceived authority asks one to do so, he is expected to comply. The effect of this can be disastrous. When an “bad” person gets to the seat of power and gives a bad directive, good people tuned down their moral conscience and obey. Adolph Hitler on his own can kill a handful of persons at a time but Adolph Hitler as the commander General of the arm forces can kill a million persons. In other words,. Adolph Hitler is not the problem but the good-hearted soldiers who would never hurt a fly but kill their fellow human without guilt on the order of authority. Religion is not the problem but the good-hearted persons who will not hesitate to butcher their fellow human on the command if the religious books and leaders whom they perceive as agents of supreme Authority.

The authority understands that to continue to have control over their subjects, they have to instill the doctrine of blind obedience. Law enforcement agencies do not encourage their staff to question their superior decision. To disobey a superior immoral order could amount to severe consequence. My heart goes to the dead soldiers who risk their lives believing they are fighting for a just cause whereas they were used as Pawns fighting for the politician who would not do the same for them. Religion encourages members not to ask question. Blind obedience which is nicknamed ” Faith” is emphasized as a sign of a true believer. Whoever question the holy book is a doubter, heretic and should be stoned to death. Health authorities and Scientist tells us vaccine they approved are effective and we must believe them and take them against our will. Whoever posts information doubting the safety of the vaccine is accused of posting false information and the website banned. Meanwhile, scientist are accused of inventing the same virus in a laboratory. Yet we are to believe and obey them . Can one preside over a case where he is a suspect? Medical autonomy is thrown to the wind. Individuals no longer have the right to choose their medication. Soon, authority will choose our food for us. Authority comes in various shades

The aim of this article is not eradicate authority completely. Like Dr Milgram said, obedience to authority may be necessary in certain context . No Individual is inherently good or bad . Individuals can apply golden rule when making decisions. Any of us can fall victim to the pressure of the situation and would love to be treated fairly. Power changes hand. A jailer today might be a prisoner tomorrow. Abba

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ethics feminism gender life nigeria sex Teaching women

The crime of being Natural

We came out of our mother’s womb naked. At three, it is accepted to walk around the same way but by the time we reach seven, we are shamed for attempting to walk in the Same way we arrived at the earth . Gradually, we teach the girls to become so focused on societal perception on her body that she she becomes uncomfortable in her own skin. She rejects her true self for a covering- a cloth , to fit into the society. This does not stop there, she learns to hide her real thoughts, beliefs,values and emotions and learn to be a hypocrite.

Since she is unable to be her true self, she learns to shame those who attempt to be authentic. Deep within, she envies them for having the courage to live their own lives. If we are shaming those who choose to walk naked, we are indirectly telling the creator he did a terrible job. We are on obnoxiously questioning his rationale for bringing us in this world naked in the first place. Which right thinking person would light light up a candle and hide it under the bed ? Which right thinking artist would mould a sculpture and cover it? Did our books not tell us that early man roamed about naked? At what point did nudity become a taboo?

Clothes were worn in those days sparingly for protection against adverse weather condition. Today it has become a law . Psychologist have pondered why the older we get, the more uncomfortable we feel in our own skin . Abraham Mascow, attributed the taboo on nudity more on societal norm than on ethical grounds . We have been conditioned into feeling uncomfortable in the presence of any nudity. The term ” gymnophobia” has been coined to describe the psychological aversion to nudity

Some religion tell us that the human body is shameful and to expose any portion of it except the face or the hands is an offence. Many religion cannot draw the demarcation between nudity and sexual. It is believed that mere exposure of a body incites sexual thought and behavior in the opposite gender. Is nudity the problem or the mind? This mindset has led to rape victims being blamed as partner in crime.

As a result, people who chose to embrace nudity were viewed by mental health professional as psychological dysfunctional. It was until 1930 that the former president of American psychology Association , Howard Warren (1933) observed a group of persons camping naked for weeks. At the end of the camping, he noticed that participants became more open and trusting of each other. This led to a proposed theory that when strangers that nude at an early stage are more likely to enjoy be open and trust each other . This led to the birth of a new therapeutic movement which uses non- sexual social nudity as a means to improve individual mental health. A more recent publication by Renowned professor of psychology , West K (2018) shows that people who practice nudity tends to have higher body image, high self esteem and better life satisfaction.

Recent studies are beginning to link constant putting on bras with ill health including breast cancer. Guys who put on tight boxers are likely encounter problems in their reproductive system. The very clothes we crave may be causing problem yet social pressure compels us to put on clothes.

Before you put on that piece of cloth, question your rationale behind it. Are you putting it on for you or for others. Before you condemn that person for dressing the way he/ she likes. Ask yourself why her dress-code bothers you .?

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life nigeria

Death Quotes

No one enjoys life more

Than one who is willing and ready to die

It is only in the face of death

That One is truely born

Learning to Live well

Is to learn to die well

Dying badly is for those who lived badly

Death is not simply the last moment of life

In birth, our journey towards death begin

Why do you fear the last day

It contributes no more to your death than each of the others

Although the physicality of death destroys man

The idea of death Saves him

Everybody dies but not everybody lives

To live does not mean you are alive

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education football life nigeria soccer

The rise and fall of early booming coaches

Paul Clement began to help soccer players as a Physical education teacher at the age of twenty-three. He was so effective in the job that he was asked to coach Fulham youth team. Chelsea snapped him up to work in their academy and finally promoted him as an assistant manager under Carlos Ancelotti. The duo did well together that the Italian manager took him to be his assistant at Paris St Germain, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich. The duo won the UEFA champion league as well as other trophy.

Trouble began to kick in when derby and Swansea appointed him manager. Clement performed woefely that one began to doubt his coaching ability. What would make a wonderful assistant manager perform poorly as a manager?

Peters principle gives us a clue. A person is promoted due to their success in previous job until he is no longer competent in their new job as a result of lacking the skill needed . Many exceptional teachers perform very well as vice principal but when they are made the principal of the school, their performance drops. He begins to spend more time in the office appending signatures to files as well as attending to meetings upon meeting and less time in the classroom

The role of a youth coach differs from that of a club manager. The former is responsible for the Athlete whereas the later is responsible for the club managment. A youth coach is successful when he transforms a mediocre player into a super star. He instill the needed skill to the player to improve his performance. A team manager is successful when he wins matches and take home the trophy. To promote an assistant manager to a main manager comes with extra responsibility for which the individual may not possess The youth team coach enjoys bringing out the hidden potential of young athlete.The fact that he did well there was because he loves the work more than he loves to win. Not everyone loves competition . Not everyone is well suited to the fame and power that comes with taking the lead role. Some individuals are better off helping from the background.

Both positions come with different skills. Unless the coach has the new ability needed, he is destined for failure. This begs the question. If a youth coach is offered an opportunity to manage a club which he knows he lacks the ability to perform at that time, should he reject the offer?

The first factor is the individual perception and reaction to failure. Employee who perceive failure as a terrible thing hate being sacked.One who dreads to fail is better off in his comfort zone . Job security is Paramount to such individual. When a team fails, the fans blame the team chief manager . . The chief responsibility of facing the media falls on the head.The backroom staff are overlooked. Such person should first change his mindset on failure before he can accept such offer. Failing to step up counts as failure. Real failure comes from inability to learn from ones mistakes. He should see the offer as an opportunity to gain new experiences and meet more people in the sport sector. He should understand that all great coaches failed one time or another but learnt in the process. Every failed match is an opportunity to reflect on the likely reason and improve his knowledge.

The second factor depends on the individual ability to embrace the change that comes with learning . Slow learners are better off rejecting that offer as they are unable to deal with the immediate complexity that comes with the new role. Fast learners should take the job while asking for help from experienced persons outside the organization. For instance, he may choose a more experienced assistant manager. He should not hesitate to engage in additional training in that new skill which he lacks.


Club owners are unreasonably optimistic. A club legend does not necessarily make a great coach . Diego Maradona is a typical example . A good sergent may make a bad captain or a worse general. One may be good at obeying order but terrible at knowing the best circumstance to give such order

Categories
ethics life nigeria

What kind of lawyer are you?

The legal profession is fraught with a lot of conflicting obligation.

1) Duty to client. 2) Duty to the society 3) Duty to own conscience.

The one the lawyer values most determine the kind of lawyer. In a case where a criminal admitted to killing of girls and burying them under a tree, Solicitor would react differently.

Friend; This lawyer is concerned about extending the relationship with clients beyond the office. He focuses on giving legal counsel to client. He gives client the advantages and disadvantage of taking each decision,raises moral conversation with clients with the aim of arriving at an ethical decision. When client decides to take decision contrary to litigator conscience,lawyer follows own conscience. May link client to a more open colleague.

Father : He ignores the interest of the society and focuses on what is in the best interest for client.. He keeps details to himself and take charge of decision taking. While the friend lawyers presents the details and hands over decision making to client,the father is responsible for making decisions.

Hired Gun ; Has no interest in morality. He does whatever the client want to done. The hired Gun goes at any length to ensure client victory . He could represent client in a case today and be against the client the next day. Money and wining cases is all that matters to him. Many Senior Advocates belong here. The client decides what is to be done. The lawyer decides how to go about it including engage in shady deals.

Clergy: Righteous lawyers hardly go far in the legal industry. His conscience guides his decision making. He considers the interest of the society . He aggressively persuade client to do what lawyer thinks is right . He is usually the poorest of the poor. What he lacks In finance, he gains in integrity. One may count on him to execute wills and other trust related issues.

Many lawyers choose their client interest above all because the client pays the bills. Hired gun will never condemn the client on moral issues. He believes that is the role of the judge. Personal knowledge of truth does not count as legal truth. hired guns may instruct murderer to lie to get out of mess. This gives the legal profession the terrible name. Clergy lawyers will suggest a confession with less sentence.

What group do you belong?

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authentic childhood education life nigeria Teaching

Think For Yourself

Spoon-fed by inspired writers Commanded by perceived experts. . Taught by certified teachers         instructed by respected martyrs

We look to external mortal        To tell us what is rational              like second hand individuals    born without a functional cerebral

If we perform rites of Initiation Repeat words of supplication.     Suppress certain natural inclination         And control our reflection

We are assured of immortality.. This does not match with reality An attempt to strip us of our personality. and subject us to their authority 

They teach us dogmatic belief Adapted from ancient writing To make us act by their script And ignore our dream .

We memorize the rules like prisoners . We live the life of mediocre .         Lawyers wear the badge of Freedom fighter  . In Religious centers praising the jailers  

Ethnicity leads to group Identification. Group identification leads to division division leads to competition. Competition hinders cooperation

Holding on to dogmatic belief. We know is not working.         And hope it  turn out well            is the road to stagnation

A period of Isolation                    To examine Religious assumption. . Subject them to experimental investigation. Wake up from mental limitation

Reject all societal hypothesis That does not align with reality with immediate alacrity To free up mental capacity.

Break the chains that bind. Asking Question is no crime . Finding answers is our right . Reclaim your power to live our own life

Categories
authentic life

Unclothed self

Craving for societal security

I hid my identity

Buried my true self

To adapt to her ideal self

It is never to late

To stop playing safe

A mind spiced with bravely

Is needed in the journey of self- discovery

Stop being who they want me to be

To figure out who I want to be

Categories
life nigeria world

Whispering Pain

David decided to pay his family a visit. He visited them once a during his annual leave. He normally requested for vacation during the month of August when children were around. This was June.This time, his boss ordered him to proceed on a compulsory leave with immediate effect . He wondered why. He had no choice . He took the opportunity to spend quality time together and reconnect with his children. The nature of his job made it necessary to shield his family from his official life. He was a no nonsence policeman. He disliked his job but it paid the bills. At times, he was at logger head with his rogue colleague. He knew the bad subordinate but could not tell who the bad bosses were. His job was to obey their orders. There were times he would be instructed to hands off a case he was do close to nailing.

His phone rang. It was the economic and Financial crime commission. He was being investigated for a diverting fund.He was forced to end his vacation prematuredly. He went to the commission and was presented with an arrest warrant. He was presented with series of documents with his signature endorsing transfer of fund. Dave was neither the head of his unit nor in a account unit.

There is only one explanation. He has been set up and some of his bossess were part of it. The evidence against him was strong. It took a powerful lawyer to minimize the jail term. He was convicted for five years.

In prison, he met a prison warder and they became friends. The prison warder doubles as a part time blogger. Just then, a thought entered his mind. He requested for a book and a pen . He wrote down every memory he could remember. At times, he would write a letter to specific person telling them how he felt. Other times he would write a song or a poem. He made his friend promise to publish them If he never made it out of prison alive. His write up made it easier to cope with horrible prison experience. He would write down his prison experience.

He didn’t know when five years elapsed. He was released. The prison warder gave him a mobile phone with a registered sim card. Dave realized the money was really helpful. His bank account were liquidated.No organization wants to employ an ex- convict. A convicted civil servant is not entitled to his gratuity and pension .His houses were taking away from him. All he had were his piece of writing. He would only go back to his family once he had gone back to his feet. He stayed in the community where no one recognized him doing menial job and sleeping in uncompleted building. As he walked one day, he noticed a music studio. He summoned courage and went in. He sang one of the songs he wrote in prison. An upcoming artist loved it and requested to pay him for the track. The song became one of the hit tracks in the album. David became his ghost writer. His phone rang. It was the prison warder. She has managed to convince a publishing firm to publish the book only If Dave would include her name as a co author. She had modified the work. That was the begining of a lucrative writing career .

David began to understand that his life has been converging for decades. Writing was what he was born to do. His soul has been whispering to him to write. He was busy in life activities that he failed to listen. It was during the period of incarceration, shut out from world activity did he listen to his heart whispers.He listened the hard way

Like Dave, many of us are on the wrong path of our career. We do not derive Joy from what we do. We do it to pay the bill. We need an event to disrupt our routine. The Covid 19 pandemic has provided the necessary shift. This is not a time to wail and blame God. It is an opportunity to take the leap. The opportunity could come in form of a message, or an activity a closed one is doing and we are invited to join. We get excited by the mere thought of it. The feeling is the guage.When we begin, assistance would come from unimaginable source. We will have the inspiration, motivation, courage and strength to overcome.

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authentic emotion family feminism gender life nigeria relationship sex women

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

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authentic emotion feminism gender life nigeria relationship women

Distorted perception of Love

The uneducated man who sponsors a girl throughout school in to marry her should examine his conscience. A selfless lover would notice a potential in her and desire to develop such talent via educating her. The moment he begins to guilt-trip her into marriage, he becomes a selfish lover. His generosity no longer counts as an act of kindness. He is only using her to satisfy his desire to own(marry) an educated person. He desires to improve his perceived status among his uneducated peers for marrying one of a higher status. He is no different from the rich man who gives while making a public show of it. The lady on the other hand desires a man to help her achieve her goal to be educated. She had to pretend to be love him to achieve her goal. There was no love. Each person only desired to use the other. The lady only outsmarted him in the selfish web. Some readers said he would have married her first before spending a dime on her. . It changes nothing. It does not guarantee a happy union. Who says she will not catch feelings for another person ? Who says she will not seek divorce later? It only transforms the problem. We need to examine our perception of love.

Love is freedom

Marriage is born of selfish love. We so often fall into the trap that the other person belongs to us. This simply can never be true. We love based on how useful the other person is to us. Husbands use their wives. Wives use their husband. The Hausa phrase I naso ki” is translated as I love you or I want you. If we love someone, we must desire to have such a person. If I see a flower, I must pluck the flower or I purchase the land. If I love a girl, I must own the girl by marriage. Bride price is a sign of ownership. This notion of love is distorted.

He has to prevent her from catching feelings for another man. Rather than giving love space and room to breathe, he clings to it, desperate to make the feeling stay. He has to continue providing all her needs, satisfying her in bed and protect her from harm, so she doesn’t think of someone else. Jesus said sexual thought is adultery. He doesn’t want this to happen. He lives in constant fear of loosing her. This, of course, is counterproductive.
Love requires trust,. To love someone is to allow them to be their Authentic self. He suffocates her with his love. She desires to be free from him.

Mutual Love is ideal

The concept of monogamous marriage is a prison we create. It is ok to be in a monogamous relationship. It is alright to prioritize one relationship over a period of time but to remain in one forever is a disaster. Ancient man know it is impossible to stick to one partner forever. He misses his young moment of wooing various girls. The challenge of winning her love thrills him. To avoid this, Early man permitted polygamy. But he did not allow the girl to enjoy the same freedom. Rather, he taught her to cover all her flesh whenever she went out so other men do not admire his goods. She should not display an iota of Skin to the preying eyes of men. If she disobeys, she is called a slut. Her beauty is no longer hers. Her husband owns her. He explores his sexuality while denying her hers. Her body desires another even if it is for a moment. She needs someone else to spice up her routine sex life. She desires a new style, a new person. She engages in a one-night stand. Cheating arises from the body desire to escape from the societal cage. She is accused of being unfaithful to her husband. She alone knows how much she still loves her husband. Her heart is capable of loving more than one.

Are you t
in love?

God is Love, and we are created in the image of love. The human soul is capable of loving so many but incapable of owning them all. True love is selfless. False love is selfish.

John 3: 16 tells us that God loved the world that he gave…….

God proved his love for humanity by sacrificing for the benefit of humanity. True love is in giving a part of oneself for the benefit of that which he loves. False love seeks to own the object of love. False love uses the object of love to satisfy his own need.

Marriage of today is based on false love. Women use men to satisfy her desire for a child, financial security etc. Men use women to satisfy his sexual urge and render domestic service. We ban prostitution. Marriage is legalized prostitution. Sex is traded for bride-price. The difference is the duration and sincerity. Prostitute has no feeling for you and you know it. In marriage, you both think you are in love when you love with the benefit the relationship brings. Take away those benefits and fight increases.

As long as a price is attached to the bride, she will be regarded as a property. African feminist should consider a campaign against bride-price

When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

Marriage can be a prison. Divorce is an escape. Choose your cellmate wisely

One can love another without desire to be in a relationship with such a person. One can give to another without any intention of getting married to such a person. Relationship is a desire to grow together with the person. When the other person desire to grow in a different direction, one can only admire from a distance or support the person in whatever form one chooses.

To truly love means to allow your partner the freedom to be.
To release the fear that they will stop choosing you and move on to another, to relinquish control and simply focus on being the absolute BEST version of you.

Choose love over possession.

Love is freedom. Love is not possessive.
Categories
emotion life nigeria police security

2020- A year of anger

Anger flows in the land. The people are walking like a ticking time bomb waiting for any little fuel to ignite the internal flame. . The citizen stayed at home in an empty stomach to comply with the COVID-19 lock down order. The government wants her citizen safe from the virus. The citizen is threatened by hunger. A hungry man is an angry man. After the lock down, the organization laid off her workers. The hungry citizen are jobless. Anger is doubled. Officers of the Nigerian police force continued to be brutal. A joyful person could tolerate a certain percentage of pain. An angry person already feels pain. He seeks to eliminate the pain on the stomach and the pain of joblessness. He needs no physical pain from the local authorities. One little trigger was sufficient to ignite the pain he has been repressing. The youth protest began. It spread from police brutality to bad governance and then looting of warehouses.

Some Christians diverted their anger to God. They felt a sense of betrayal for not being protected from the massive job loss despite obeying all his commandment, rules and ritual. They felt used and dumped by the creator. Staying at home without going to church did not end their lives. So why bother going? A gradual loss of faith.

Others diverted their grievance to the clergy. Few church leaders launched an online platform for tithe collection. A hungry and jobless Christian threatened with eternal punishment for not paying tithe is the last thing an angry person expects from the religious leaders. Members expected the church to feed them the way Christ fed the five thousand. Their disappointment led them to swear not to go to that church again.

Anger like Joy, hunger, or sadness is neither good nor bad. It is an emotion to be felt. Anger can be a fuel for transforming one’s life. We need to be angry at our present circumstance before we can act to change them. Righteous anger is when we feel the pain of the oppressed and try to stop it. when we are angry, we feel it calmly to understand its source. Impatient anger could lead to violence or Hasty decision when we lash out instantly.

Righteous anger is speaking against the religious practice that is harmful or religious leaders that abuse their trust. Jesus vented his anger at the religious leaders in his time. He called them hypocrite. He scattered the moneymakers in the temple. He stated that his life mission is to free the captive. That includes those in religious bondage. He was not operating from hurt targeted at him. It was not a revenge mission. He was interested in uplifting humanity. Examine your anger holistically.

We hope 2021 would be better

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africa buisness life nigeria police

TRIGGER

The stay at home order caused by the Covid 19 pandemic has led many to touch their saving. When the order was withdrawn, many jobs had been lost. This has led many into depression

The few who are lucky to still have their job are heaped with more workload. The organization need to deliver or else risk another level of retrenchment. Every employee is in fear of loosing their job. Buisness owners have to make it by hook or crook to avoid closure.

This year, saints have turned rogues. Clergies are taking looting warehouses. Everyone is frustrated. Parents yell at children on the slightest provocation..

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buisness life nigeria

Loosing friendship over money

I am pissed off. Can you Imagine a friend just ripped me off? He sold a counterfeit product for the price twice the authentic one. I usually buy the product myself. This time around, I got no time to go to the market to identify the authentic one so I asked him to deliver one for me since he is a dealer. The price he called was expensive. Yet I decided to go ahead with the transaction hoping to get a super- original grade. Lo and behold, he delivered a substandard product. What annoyed me most was he had the courage to look me in the eye and lie to me that they were authentic. He felt I was a novice that would easily fall for his deceit.

I recounted this experience to a mutual friend. He did not look surprised .

This is a dog eat dog world .There is no friend in buisness . “Treat your friends the same way you would treat a stranger” is one unwritten law of buisness.

These words hurt me more. As much as I felt angry, I could tell it was true. My attention drifted to the entire economic system.we live in a world that priorities loosing a dear friend to loosing a penny. Competition is favored over cooperation in this masculine led society. To get up, one must step on the toes of others .To win, others must loose . To retain the job of a marketer, one must make a certain number of sales before a given deadline . It does not matter how you do it .- manipulate clients, sleep with them etc The end justifies the mean. The system promote cheating . Those who can break their values climb faster. The compassionate ones loose out.

The society encourages us to value money over our honor. The trader who cheats,misleads and overcharges and then seek to square himself with conscience by saying” lying is absolutely necessary for buisness is worshipped. The man who makes promises he cannot keep to get position is elevated .Many buisness- minded individuals ventured into sanitizer production during this covid 19 period. Some sold adulterated  version to increase profit.

The pressure can turn a saint into a crook.Can we have a society where money is not considered as priority. A society that values human virtues of honestly, kindness, fairness, forgiveness? A society where buisness is not done primarily for reward or money. Service is rendered because one enjoys the service first and money is a representative of the economic value of the service rendered. I have seen people advertise and sell goods they do not use. The motivation is to sell anything to make money without concern for the process of production or the effectiveness of product. . It begins with you and I.

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family feminism gender life nigeria relationship women

Slutshaming among men and women

Slut shaming is the act of humiliating one for issues concerning ones sexuality. Women are mostly at the receiving end.One of the quickest way to hurt a girl is to tell her she is sexually loose. Many practices are considered inappropriate when done by a woman but accepted when committed by men.

Women are more likely to be punnished for putting on revealing clothes,purchasing birth control pills, expressing sex urge and prostitution. A study reveals that bye standers are less. Likely to come to the aid of a woman when she is dressed in revealing outfit. A woman who plays good and hides her sexual appetite is considered a potential awife.

Men are attracted by sight . A woman who reveals a lot gets the attention of guys who desire to have her and take her to bed. In the ancient times, women are seen as men possession. She is either owned by her parents when single or her husband when married. He tells her how to dress so that other guys would not invade her territory.Every guy protect his property from invaders.A sexually looses wife could get pregnant from another guy and bring the baby home to the man . He would not like to spend time, effort and resources raising another man child. Sexually reserved girls are valuable and sought after by suitors. A naive girl does not know any better. Any sex with his first partner would be satisfactory. Girls are attached to whoever disflowers her. A slut is assumed to have a wide farmland. It would be difficult for a guy with a narrow pencil to cultivate the land. Morever, a slut has numerous experience and could differentiate good from bad men in bed. A virgin may see a guy as a king but a slut knows he is just a learner. This account for the preference for virgin’s over sluts for men considering marriage.Fathers slut shame their daughter so top suitors can ask her hand in marriage. He hardly slut shame other ladies he is not related to. Men love slut as long as he is not related to her.He loves the short term sex they offer .

Women on the other hand understand that all social interaction is guided by the law of demand and supply. By applying the price elasticity of supply ,ladies unite to create an artificial scarcity of their punny while demand remain constant . This increases price (value). Ladies who dress totally covered and act prude make sex hard to come by . In return for sex, ladies demand commitment in form of marriage . Marriage serves as security for her during the times of pregnancy and child rearing. For this to work, ladies have to be in unity. They all have to play hard to get to increase their perceived value .When most ladies are sexually free, conservative women loose their power.

Whenever a lady likes a guy, she can only give green light. She will never tell him her feelings. This is because she does not want to loose her feminine power.She understand that the one less interested in a relationship controls it. She pretends she does not like sex so she maintains her power. Guys with high sex drive are easily manipulated by ladies.

For this reason, women slut shame each other more to act like a watch dog against themselves. They redicule their promiscuous peers to keep them in line. As communities fight wars, wives lost their husbands in battle . These widows would spend years without having sex . They can no longer hide their desire for it.They ended up as second wives or prostitute. Prostitution became necessary to cater for their sexual need and proceeds to take care of their children. These widow turned prostitutes offered services to single men who wanted experience but not ready for marriage. Women are loosing their power. They bash widows harder expelling the woman from all female gathering. In Rome,Women put on a special robe which sluts are prevented from wearing to mark a higher virtuous group from the lower promiscuous group. Young widows are patronised more than aged widows. They love the money they make and the freedom. They prefer not to get married again . Their daughter imitate them . Sluts are threat to marriage .

Slut shaming is a social construct. Feminist should stop blaming patriarchy for the act It is obvious that both gender are guilty for different reasons. We should look at the effect on the individual. A girl committed suicide for being called a slut. Her self-esteem was badly damaged. Women can begin by standing up to themselves when slut shamed.

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family feminism gender life nigeria relationship women world

Diverging mission behind divorce

Just as a child graduates from high school into college, his priorities shift. The courses he takes become more narrow. He drops some classmates behind and retain few classmates who share the same college preference and same course. We do not go remain in high school out of loyalty to our friends.

As we age, our values, hobbies job etc changes. This is a sign of growth.one whose priority remain constant is stagnant like a child who fails to learn . Our choice of life partner also change.

A partner is one who embark on a similar journey with us. As our priority changes, that of our partner may remain the same or change in a different direction. One partner is taking a leap in one direction and the other partner is watching while giving her full support . There are other relationship where the other partner discourage you from keeping up to your new ideal.you no longer feel connected. You become incompatible . Just because you are in a union does not mean you must follow our partner as he/ she changes her priorities

We find ourself finding time together with some else on a similar path and less time with our partner . We become more open to new partner there all boundaries are broken. We begin to fall in ln love with the new person. Afterward comes a sence of guilt. We feel we are cheating on our partner. When we are with him,we are happy. Afterwards,we are ashamed of ourself. Our shame comes from having made a vow to love one person forever. Our guilt comes from the society conditioning that we should only love our partner and no be me else. we are left in a dilemma: to honor our feeling and continue with this our new friend or continue living in a lovelessness marriage and deny ourself the opportunity to grow .

We feel guilty for cheating on our partner. This cheating arises because we do not totally tell our partner what is happening with the other person A committed relationship involves honest and humble individual who understand that their partner could fall out of love with activities and people one used to be with . When such happens, one absorbs the partner of blame knowing fully well that change is part of nature . Feelings are not always predictable. We may feel hungry at odd time.we may be happy one minute and sad the next minute for no apparent reason. We should feel acknowledge our feeling and express them to our partner . To get attracted to someone else beside our partner is not a taboo. When the partner understand that we are matured enough to emphasize with them as they express their pleasant feelings and experience with a new colleague without feeling jealous or judgemental, She/he would be more willing to open up her heart to you. This communication can make us understand our partner more,lead to greater intimacy and makes the other person feel safe and secure.

Whenever one wants to be with the other person.we let them embark on the journey.We communicate our feeling openly and arrive at a mutual agreement of divorce than to live in denial with all it’s lies and betrayal. A monogamous relationship does not necessarily mean we own our partner.It is not a life sentence. It is a process for growth. Letting go can become a gain rather than a loss when it leads us to our higher self.we can still retain the friendship while taking time to grow . Sticking to a union that does not lead to a higher growth can be detrimental to our wellbeing

The best relationship is the relationship where each promise to tell the truth even when it hurts. Cheating arises when one begins to hide the truth because our partner may not be able to handle it. Not all relationship are meant to last forever. Some relationship are meant to propel us to a greater height. Some relationship brings out hidden potential in us we never new existed. Another relationship improves on that potential. No monogamous relationship is a failure. Each has one lesson to teach us. It takes wisdom to know when a relationship has served its purpose and move into a new one.

We should not just bail out of every relationship. We should be sure that the reason for unfulfimment in the union does not arises out of faults. Rather, we discover we no longer derive Joy in activitiess we used to . One partner has encountered a change in Religion and we cannot tolerate that .We feel lonely in the presence of our partner and alive in the presence of another without any reason . We should examine ourself to know whether we are in the union out of fear or out of love. Are we scared of what people we say when I leave? Am I scared of loosing certain previledges? We cannot truely grow in an environment of fear