Object of desire

Many men intentionally under-perform for fear of incurring the envy of others. Some reject a high position because of the thought of being the object of so much envy in the department. At the end, he suffers, the colleague suffers, the organization suffer from mediocrity. The more an organization is able to act as though there is no envy, the greater will be the rate of employee growth and organizational performance. Envy is responsible for the slow rate of development because it resists innovation.

The. Key is to deflate praises for one’s achievement. The primary rule is never boast or brag. Our ancestors made rules to reduce envy. For instance, in some societies, a fisherman who catches two fish while his colleagues catches none gives them out. If he does not go empty-handed, he risks slanderous talks from the rest. In India, a hunter does not eat the animals he kills. Our forefathers tried to be fair in dealings . Ones input does not determine ones output. Those who worked hard received less or equal pay. This socialism lifestyle led to laziness. Today, the world practices capitalism. .

But there is a kind of envy that is rarely discussed. It is called generational envy. This is envy the older generation possess over the younger generation, who occupy a higher position at a relatively young age.

As two individuals begin to compare each other, a judgement is made. In one rare occasion are they equal. One is usually higher than the other. The higher one is may tend to become proud while the lower one tends to become envious

. Positive envy attempt to emulate the envious. It plants a competitive spirit, a desire to better oneself. Negative envy is far dangerous. The envious is interested in the object of desire that he wishes the other gets robbed, dispossessed or hurt. This kind of envy is destructive. Such a man is prepared to injure himself if doing so could hurt or injure the one he envies. Giving a gift to such person to dissolve the envy is likely to backfire. It is a reminder of one’s superiority and is likely to fuel envy.

One way to disperse such envy is to attribute it to luck and not personal brilliance and remind such persons of a recent disappointment, disadvantage, or mischance. Or better still, remind the envious person of areas of success in his life which is deficient in yours, This helps remind him of his superiority towards you in other aspect. By elevating him, you remove his eyes temporary from his object of desire.

Wound of absence

Show me I am beautiful

Worthy to be pursued

awaken my Feminine quality

And discover my identity

Not just a sperm receiver

Or your house cleaner

Financially competent

Emotionally absent

But a listener

To listen to my heart whispers

In the absence of one

I stood alone

Turn to destructive addiction

To cure the moment of Isolation

Hide my anxiety

Behind a submissive personality

The first man that should shower me love

Never found me worthy enough

Mismatched desire

The words we never spoke

Broke us apart

Grudges burning slowly

For several years

How long shall we continue

To be in a passionless union

Physically present

Emotionally absent

Strangers sharing one roof

Pretending all is well

It is high time we begin to think

Of going our saperate ways

As painless as possible

I truely love you

But I can no longer  live with you

I have forgiven you

But I cannot forget the things you did

Replayed in my head each time I see you

One single act

Makes me not to trust you completely

But I cannot forget that

I see you trying to be perfect

I see how hard you try

To make me happy

You deviate from your true self

In other to please me

You will eventually get tired

Until you finally resent me

But our frequency differ

You want it twice a day

I want it monthly

The times I turned you down

I pushed you off me

Into the waiting arms of another.

I made you cheat on me

And then hate you for it

Each time I try to please you

You are happy

While I am hurt

You suggested an open relationship

But I want you all to myself

We are not compatible

It was a mistake from the beginning

Loyalty is a curse

We are better off going our saperate ways

Goodbye my Lover

I hope you meet your match

Artificial Anger

A boss lashes at the subordinate for a minor mistake. The subordinate does not react . He might loose his job. He goes home still habouring the ill-treatment. His wife serves him a plate of food. He complains the food is salty. She reminds him it is the same food he claimed to enjoy the previous day. He yells at her. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. It is the pastor. He opens the door still stuck with anger . The tone of his voice changes and he becomes polite and friendly. When the pastor leaves, he reverts back to yelling at his wife.

Like Femi, the way we react to anger differ. In anger, we can yell at our subordinate because we are sure to get away with it. Anger is a feeling like hunger. We do not eat a stone out of hunger. There is a period to think of the consequences of our action.

Anger is a tool that can be used achieve an objective. We can tune it on and off at our disposal. We only need a little trigger from an external person. At times, we shout to get the other person to submit to us. Individuals who seek power to control others switch on their anger tap at will. Fearful, conflict avoidant individual comply to their directive easily. Both parties should learn to use effective communication tools .

Marriage without intimacy or intimacy without marriage.

Marriage counselors keep reminded the indomie generation how their mothers marriage lasted for over fifty years. Divorce was unheard off. This days, divorce is common. Single motherhood is celebrated.What went wrong?

We are quick to measure success but numerical advantage. Our forefathers might have enjoyed t

the ancient marriage but our great grand mothers certainly did not. Marriage favored the fathers. Fathers sought power to rule others . He wants to dominate ,to compel and be obeyed. To achieve this, he competed with his fellow men in hunting, farming and fishing. Successful ones are respected and his opinion is highly valued among his peers. Soon ,they nominate him to represent them in other community affairs. The authority intrigues him more.

But the road to achieve this is tough. Other men desire the same. This makes it highly competitive. Many men do not make it to the top. This affect his confidence. He seeks a substitute- another environment where he would feel highly respected and valued. Marriage is the answer. Get the male rulers to instruct women to submit to their husband. Get male dominated religious leaders to issue the same directive. It worked. He has authority over children and family. They obey his every wish. He feels powerful ones again. She is married, has someone to provide her physical needs. Emotionally, she dislikes her husband. She fears he would hit her at any time. Her daughter picks up her fears. Intimacy is lacking.

Men overabused his authority. He would beat her up over little disagreement under the watchful eye of her daughter. Her daughter begins to dread marriage . Education and civilization has brought a change. Women now crave for equality with men . A woman wants the same respect a man has. This agitation is the beginning of shift from patriarchy to an egilateral society. Women want to be president. Daughter is twenty and has refused to get married. She does not want to be subjected to the unhappy union her mum was involved in. She would experiment.

She makes a couple of male friends. She notices the wonderful vibes at the beginning of the friendship. Each time she agrees to date him, relationship turns sour. She no longer value the things he does. Initially, she appreciated them highly because it was not his responsibility. Now, she no longer tells him thank you. After all, he is doing his role. He no longer feels she respect his actions. She does not obey his instructions. She is happy. He is not. He is not in control. The quest for power and control which pushed him to marriage is no more . He files for divorce. He prefers a submissive woman.

They get divorced. They are still friends though. He visits her child She prefers her freedom to make friends at her own terms.

Would you stay in loveless marriage like your grandma or remain single in a loving relationship.

Our Village people are not Heartless.

Festive season is a period people from all works of life travel to states of origin. There are rumors of how relation residing in the village attempt to kill successful ones. This fear has led many to take a vow never to visit the village for years.

Our Village relation want the best out of life like every one else. The environment limits them. Research by Miles Storpler, a genetic researcher discovered that hereditary accounts for about 65 percent of a young person capacity, intellect and ability while the remaining 35 percent furnished by environment determine whether or the sixty percent gets a chance to unfold. One raised in a detrimental environment needs more work to overcome. Those raised in rural areas are disadvantaged.

Each moment we travel back home to show off our wealth, we remind them of their failure to achieve what we have achieved. The society no longer respect people based on their age. The materialistic society places richer persons on the social hierarchy. A young rich man is respected over an old man. First son’s keep quiet during family meeting. Money talks.

The village people are human being with emotion. A highly recognized elderly man would not lose his status to a younger guy he carried with his arms as a baby. He would either desire to acquire what the young lad has or he wishes the young man does not have it. The former is difficult because of environmental limitation. The latter is more likely.

Any quality, achievement or advancement that provoke admiration is likely to induce this feeling. This includes wealth, status, power, fame, success, academic achievement, etc This resentment towards someone with desirable features is called envy. At most, village persons can be best described as envious and not wicked. This attribute is not peculiar to village people. Envy is highly found among the lowest of any group. The unemployed youth who stands in front of a newspaper stand criticizing the government is only envious. Should he get a government appointment, his envy would reduce significantly.

Envy also exist in urban areas. The competitive nature of our job promote envy. Marketers who are able to make more sales are promoted and thus envied by colleague.

How we can minimize envy :

1) Conceal your success. Must you show off your affluence? You may drive your Jeep in the town and drive okada in the village. Trek with them. Fetch firewood with bragging fuels envy.

2) Treat them as equal or superior : Show them respect despite your superiority. Do not laugh at their poor attempt at English. Speak the native language you both understand. Tell them their native food is more nutritive than noodles. Exaggerate the wonders of rural life. Praise them well.

3) Sharing : Giving some part of the object of envy with others. The envious person becomes a beneficiary of the object of envy.

The beauty of Divorce

You tried all you could to make the relationship work. Family members, friend a pastors intervened. You sought the wise counsel of experts. Yet, the yelling and fighting doubled. The relationship is irredeemable. You throw in the towel. A part of you feel bad for letting go.

When two individuals are unity, their combined energy is greater than the sum of the individual energy. It would take a greater force to pull this bond apart. The greater the bond that exist between the two, the greater the destructive energy released. The split of an atom causes great explosion. This knowledge is used in nuclear science to create bombs.

In any human relationship that involves a break up be it husband- wife, employee- employer, business partners etc,emotions are released. In most cases, such separation causes hatred among the individual. This leads to litigation. Courts cannot heal the emotional wounds of departing members. Court creates a winner and a looser. It increases the wound of one. No two persons go to court and remain friends. The dissolution of marriage leads to a great deal of anger and resentment towards the significant order.

The societal stigma towards divorced persons is not helping matters. Divorce is viewed with the same negative lens we used to see failure. Failure is perceived as terrible while success is celebrated. This notion is distorted. A wise man once said that failure teaches us while success tests us. we learn more from our mistakes. It is vital to pay attention to our teachers to enable us to pass the examination life throw at us. To view every failure as a lesson learnt enable us to begin to change our perspective of divorce.

We can begin to examine the previous relationship from the position of an observer like one acting in a script. This will enable us to discover mistakes without emotional bias. You may have noticed that your majority of the disagreement was based on money. You were a spender while your partner was a saver. Furthermore, you accuse himm of being too frugal while he insulted you for being extravagant. Perhaps, you enjoyed the social gathering and resented him for not taking you out while your spouse would rather stay at home with his laptop. He wants to watch soccer while you preferred a live TV show. You know nothing about his automobile spare part business. He has no clue about the trending design in the fashion industry needed for your boutique. Both of you are from two different planets. You realized that your values differ. You wondered how you never saw these discrepancies earlier.

Now you no longer blame him completely. You saw the signs earlier but chose to ignore it. You had a role to play. Yo no longer play he victim card.Next time, you will take these little details into consideration. You will discuss them with him before committing. Now,you are wiser. You will no longer attract a partner with similar attribute. wise enough not to attract a similar partner.

Detached examination helps us to reorganize our top priorities in human relations. You thank your ex for the invaluable lessons he has taught you. The relationship is over for good. You have to shut the door, so the universe can usher in a better partner. The failed relationship prepares you to be more matured in subsequent ones.

A female letter to male

My name is fe-armale . I am created to fear the male and obey his command. I am constantly reminded that I was made from his rib. If I do not worship him, he may take his rib back . That would be the end of my life. I am indebted to him for giving me life . God created him. He made me. He is my minigod.

My body is not mine but an extension of his. I do not own myself. My dad own me. He could use me to settle debt or offer me to his male visitors for pleasure. . He could give me out to any man in marriage without my consent . I must open my leg at his command and must remain in the union no matter how toxic. I must please my husband, brother and son for they are my moral obligation.

I try to dress in a way I feel. I am instructed to cover every part of my body. For my body is a temptation to the men. The same body I got from their ribs. I must surrender to his request no matter how illogical it seems. Every time I attempt to by myself, I am shamed for being such an ingrate.

Unti I got pregnant and gave birth to my son, I realized that men came through the legs of women.My eyes are open to reality. I was deceived . I have repressed myself yet you males do not appreciate me. You guys are insatiable. I weep because I see many girls who are still victims of the tale. I have had enough. I will violate the good girl code. I will deviate from the norms of the society. I will be Authentic.

Prerequisite for Sex

What’s Wrong With Sex?
Is there anything wrong with two people coming together and just having sex — for fun — without first having an emotionally intimate relationship (assuming safe sex is practiced of course)?

I was raised to believe the answer to this is yes, that there is something wrong with it.

As a sophomore in high school, I had to write a school paper on why premarital sex was wrong. I did the assignment and regurgitated what I needed to get an A.

Privately I had doubts about what I was taught. And of course I went ahead and had premarital sex anyway, which turned out to be a lot of fun with no guilt or regret.

Looking back, I think I would have preferred to get an F on that assignment and had more fun instead. 🙂

Your sexual orientation does not define you

Today I see absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for fun, as long as it’s done safely and consensually. I think those who feel that sex is wrong, dirty, or immoral are terribly repressed. I’ve never met a genuinely happy person that felt this way about sex. Perhaps if such people just got laid more often, they wouldn’t be so grumpy.

Prerequisites for Sex
What prerequisites do we actually need to engage in sex? A willing partner is really all that’s required. If you have a willing partner, you can have sex.

Serious rocket science here, eh?

Just to be clear, let’s assume your body and your partner’s body are physically capable of having sex as well.

All other rules, constraints, and requirements arise from social conditioning and are therefore unnecessary.

You don’t need to be married or in a committed relationship.

You don’t need to be dating.

You don’t need to be in love.

You don’t need an opposite-sex partner.

You don’t need to be exclusive with your partner.

Your partner doesn’t need to be exclusive with you.

You don’t need to be programmed in multiple techniques.

You don’t even need to have met the other person first.

All you need is consent.

Technically speaking, even your partner’s consent is a socially conditioned prerequisite, but I think it’s one we should maintain. The alternative is illegal, unethical, and hurtful. We can certainly enjoy sex without resorting to rape. Acting out your kinky fantasies, on the other hand, can still be completely consensual.

How many extra rules do you have in your head about what’s required for you to have sex above and beyond the most basic?

Society make prostitution illegal and shames the women involved

How are those rules working for you? Are you delighted with the results they’re producing?

Do your rules make it easy for you to enjoy the sexual experiences you desire? Or are they simply getting in the way and blocking you?

Do you realize that you have the freedom to choose the rules you want to keep as well as those you’d rather dump?

I’m not suggesting that you need to lower your standards to the absolute minimum. I’m simply suggesting that you take a good, conscious look at your current rules and requirements for having sex, and consider whether they’re helping you or hurting you.

Personally I have pretty high standards for when I will and won’t have sex. These standards, however, are ones I’ve chosen because I’m happy with them. I don’t maintain standards just because everyone else feels they’re proper and necessary.

Sex in the car?

ToLet go of unnecessary sex rules that don’t serve you. You decide what’s really important to you, and drop the rest.

Steve Pavlina

Is this biblical verse becoming obsolete?

In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes,

“let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” In addition to his command toward men, Paul says a wife should respect her husband .Respect your husband, period. That’s the standard the Bible gives to women

In those days, Women were relegated to the bottom of social order. She is a treated like a property to be traded for money. A woman cannot be a chief. She belonged to the kitchen. Her son’s opinion is considered ahead of hers. Ancient woman know It is normal for a man to hit a woman .she dares not complain

Today, women go school. Women rule over men . Women are given lots of preference during divorce litigation. Today, we have lots of agitation for laws protecting women from disrespect.. Women now crave for respect. Women do not want to submit to a man. They want an equal. Few women want men that will submit to their wish.

Modern women dislikes submitting to a woman

Ancient men know that the women they marry got no feeling for her. He only respects her for his provision. He doesn’t care for her love. As long as she respects him , he is alright. Most women marry men who are capable of catering for her basic need. In essence, A woman would select richer men.

Today, women who marry men for his wealth are called gold diggers. Men crave more than respect. They want love. They want a man that would be there for him when he has nothing. They want women who love them for whom they are and not just what they provide.

Today women want love and respect. Todays men want love and respect. Respect is not just for men. Love is not just for women.

Girls Propose To This Kind Of Guy

The year 2020 withnessed a dramatic change in the world of engagement. Ladies are no longer waiting for guys to propose to them. The unwritten law that a guy must be the one to ask her hand in marriage is gradually getting obsolete. They have learnt the patient dog eats the thinnest bone or no bone at all. A lady who waits to be proposed to is chosen. The lady who proposes chooses.  Our  conservative ladies are coming out en masse to profess their desire to get married to the guy of  their choice .  This is one progressive change the nation has experienced since she was promised change by the APC led administration since 2015.

The new development has brought a different insight to the question

” What do women want?”

By watching ladies make their choice. We can attempt to answer the question. Out of about ten ladies I personally know of who proposed to their  partner, nine of them had partners who are Non-Alpha. While I admit that ten is too small a number to be used in any study, it is a starting point. I have  observed  a shift in the  taste of a lady. Ladies no longer crave for Alpha guys as most literature suggest.  When asked to choose a potential life partner, they tend to shy away from the powerful, dominant, muscular physique guy. Could there be any reason for this?

Alpha or Beta . Who does she prefer?

I will illustrate with this story.

Sarah grew up in a society that trains women to be Simps. She should never look a man in the eye and must bow down after every conversation with him as a sign of respect. A young girl is a property owned by her husband. She could be summoned to entertain his guest however he deems fit. He can transfer his ownership to the highest bidder. He decides what she wears. . No one considered her opinion. . She is to be obeyed instructions given by the husband or father whether she agrees with them or not. She does all the housework and assist in the farm. A woman should never ask her husband to help her in the kitchen. . She is not good enough to be the leader of the clan. In essence, the society groomed beta women. These women do not take any decision. These women relied on their man to take the decision. She is a good girl only when she suppresses her feelings and submits to the traditional gender roles. Marriage is the reward for obedience. She learns to love guys that give commands. Such shy and submissive women admire Men who have proven to be confident and good decision takers. Stupid girls love Alpha guys.

The introduction of education into the society changed everything. Schools treat boys and girls as equal. Schools select the prefect based on academic performance. There were no gender based prejudice. Male and female clear the grass. Guys and girls sweep the floor. She speaks during assembly. She looks at guys in the eyes and talk. She completes her tertiary institution and gets employed. She graduates from a Simp to a beta woman. Experience has taught her that hardwork leads to promotion ., she gets promoted to a managerial position. She delegates some of the task to junior workers. Her duties involves cooperating with other head of departments to achieve a certain goal. She is sent to represent the organization in multimillion naira deals. She learns to be assertive, aggressive, dominant. She graduates to an alpha female.

Men are becoming more egilateral and less brutal

Professional achievement did not correlate with relationship success. Many men avoided her like a plague. Only the confident once are bold enough to approach her. The relationship hit it up at first but soon she noticed hitches. She loves to be the center of attention. He desires the same. He speaks more and listens less. She wants someone to listen to her. She is used to giving instruction and not one to obey blindly like the simp girls do. He wants to be the boss , to have the power, to make the decision . Both are involved in power struggle. Her previous four relationship ended for similar reasons. She got to undergo total transformation to make her relationship work.

Guys and leadership style

It is her birthday and her boyfriend did not call her. She is pissed off and goes to his office unannounced to yell at him. She meets him in a passionate kiss with his secretary. She tries not to cry.

She is in pain and looks for a shoulder to lean on. She remembers her beta friend. She hurries to her plays and breaks down in tears immediately he opened the door. With him, she is not ashamed to break down and shed tears when necessary He comforts her and listens patiently as she pours her heart. She didn’t know when she dozed off. She woke up and found herself in his bedroom. It is midnight, late to drive back home This is not the first time she would pass the night in his apartment. On each occasion, he would lie on the couch. He never touched her. She felt safe around him. Her exes would have attempted to sleep with her despite her mood. Maybe he did not find her sexually appealing she thought. She went to the couch and found him working on his laptop. There was her pics as his wallpaper. She inquired why and he opened up his feelings towards her. He had wanted to ask her out for a long time, but he was afraid she might not only reject him, but she might end the entire friendship since he was not in the same class as he was. The latter was a risk too big to take. He brought out a letter he had written to her expressing his intention to the next level. He lacked the courage to do so. This was before she met her last ex. She was speechless. That day marked the beginning of sexual friendship.

Alpha and Beta male

Sm What he lacked in aggression, he made up with attentiveness. He spends a high amount of time touching her slowly in an attempt to build the urge in her until she could not resist. Her previous Alpha exes who assumed they know what she needed in bed. Her beta friend was humble enough to ask her what her sexual cravings were. He understood that each girl is unique and has various need. He cuddles her after releasing, and they discussed how it went before they both clean up. . She does not feel used.

He knows all her sexual fantasies and deepest secret. He had been there for during her last five heart breaks. He had never forgotten her birthday. He knows her more than he knows herself. She has poured all her heart to him. He had never hit her . She could be Moody and provocative attimes, yet he never disrespected her. He sees her as an equal. He is a democratic husband. Alpha husband’s give out orders like a soldier. He would make an ideal father ;one the kids could trust and not one to be feared.

They have been involved in this sexual friendship for over two years now. She has learned from experience that Alpha Male is not suitable for her. With a beta male, she does not have to pretend to be who she is not in other to fit into the traditional wife role. He let her be herself .She considers marrying her best friend. But that could come at a cost. His laid back approach makes it difficult for him to get ahead in his professional life. She knew she would be the one handling the major part of thebill if she were to maintain her status. It would be wise to bend low to his status. A little price she is willing to pay. She had to close the deal now or risk loosing him out forever to another client.

“

She got the wedding ring and asked for his hands in marriage. They are happily married.

We can infer that Alpha women date their fellow Alphas but end up settling down with a non-Alpha. Alpha guys propose to beta women. Alpha women propose to beta guys. She has learnt to discard the traditional notion that women marry higher up. Such union is ticking time bomb waiting to explode . The competition for power and dominance is second to none . The world is changing in gender roles and Alpha male are yet to realise that. Men must not be the bread winner. Men must not confront situation outrightly. Certain problems require careful thoughtful dialogue.

Alpha male are also loosing it in other aspect of life. In Soccer, Jose Mourinho, an alpha manager is highly sought by so many clubs. His tenure in each club lasts a maximum of four years. He quarells with his players, fellow coaches, referee, football association, Physiologist, Ball Boy etc. The cost of maintenance is greater than the goal . Arsene wengar, A specialist in failure stayed over ten years in the club. Today, the beta coach works for FIFA. For immediate success, sign an alpha coach. For sustainability and long term project,sign s beta coach. .The highly successful persons are those who have mastered the art of building network. That involves cooperation and ability to compromise – an act beta male are understand quite well. Alpha leaders tend to be autocratic and conservative imposing his will on the majority. Beta politicians drift towards democrats. He is willing to let other person’s view override his own . Alpha male may need to be more emotional sensitive. Beta male coul do better to improve their confidence and self confidence. Sleepy Joe defeated Alpha Trump in the last United State election. The top three richest men in the world do not qualities of a tough man. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook is definitely not a macho Man. Bill gate is an introvert. The society is shifting towards computer and beta guys who enjoy working from home recorded huge profit during the covid 19 lock down.The law of diminishing returns is taking hold of Alpha male.

Distorted perception of Love

The uneducated man who sponsors a girl throughout school in to marry her should examine his conscience. A selfless lover would notice a potential in her and desire to develop such talent via educating her. The moment he begins to guilt-trip her into marriage, he becomes a selfish lover. His generosity no longer counts as an act of kindness. He is only using her to satisfy his desire to own(marry) an educated person. He desires to improve his perceived status among his uneducated peers for marrying one of a higher status. He is no different from the rich man who gives while making a public show of it. The lady on the other hand desires a man to help her achieve her goal to be educated. She had to pretend to be love him to achieve her goal. There was no love. Each person only desired to use the other. The lady only outsmarted him in the selfish web. Some readers said he would have married her first before spending a dime on her. . It changes nothing. It does not guarantee a happy union. Who says she will not catch feelings for another person ? Who says she will not seek divorce later? It only transforms the problem. We need to examine our perception of love.

Love is freedom

Marriage is born of selfish love. We so often fall into the trap that the other person belongs to us. This simply can never be true. We love based on how useful the other person is to us. Husbands use their wives. Wives use their husband. The Hausa phrase I naso ki” is translated as I love you or I want you. If we love someone, we must desire to have such a person. If I see a flower, I must pluck the flower or I purchase the land. If I love a girl, I must own the girl by marriage. Bride price is a sign of ownership. This notion of love is distorted.

He has to prevent her from catching feelings for another man. Rather than giving love space and room to breathe, he clings to it, desperate to make the feeling stay. He has to continue providing all her needs, satisfying her in bed and protect her from harm, so she doesn’t think of someone else. Jesus said sexual thought is adultery. He doesn’t want this to happen. He lives in constant fear of loosing her. This, of course, is counterproductive.
Love requires trust,. To love someone is to allow them to be their Authentic self. He suffocates her with his love. She desires to be free from him.

Mutual Love is ideal

The concept of monogamous marriage is a prison we create. It is ok to be in a monogamous relationship. It is alright to prioritize one relationship over a period of time but to remain in one forever is a disaster. Ancient man know it is impossible to stick to one partner forever. He misses his young moment of wooing various girls. The challenge of winning her love thrills him. To avoid this, Early man permitted polygamy. But he did not allow the girl to enjoy the same freedom. Rather, he taught her to cover all her flesh whenever she went out so other men do not admire his goods. She should not display an iota of Skin to the preying eyes of men. If she disobeys, she is called a slut. Her beauty is no longer hers. Her husband owns her. He explores his sexuality while denying her hers. Her body desires another even if it is for a moment. She needs someone else to spice up her routine sex life. She desires a new style, a new person. She engages in a one-night stand. Cheating arises from the body desire to escape from the societal cage. She is accused of being unfaithful to her husband. She alone knows how much she still loves her husband. Her heart is capable of loving more than one.

Are you t
in love?

God is Love, and we are created in the image of love. The human soul is capable of loving so many but incapable of owning them all. True love is selfless. False love is selfish.

John 3: 16 tells us that God loved the world that he gave…….

God proved his love for humanity by sacrificing for the benefit of humanity. True love is in giving a part of oneself for the benefit of that which he loves. False love seeks to own the object of love. False love uses the object of love to satisfy his own need.

Marriage of today is based on false love. Women use men to satisfy her desire for a child, financial security etc. Men use women to satisfy his sexual urge and render domestic service. We ban prostitution. Marriage is legalized prostitution. Sex is traded for bride-price. The difference is the duration and sincerity. Prostitute has no feeling for you and you know it. In marriage, you both think you are in love when you love with the benefit the relationship brings. Take away those benefits and fight increases.

As long as a price is attached to the bride, she will be regarded as a property. African feminist should consider a campaign against bride-price

When one truly loves a flower, he does not pluck the flower from its stem. He does not transplant it to his own backyard. The soil condition may be different.The plant may die. Rather, he goes out of his way to water the plants and apply fertilizer. He derives joy by watching its beauty. He desires to improve its beauty. He is not threatened if others admires the flower. He has no interest of purchasing the flower.

When we genuinely love a person, we do not think of how to take advantage of the person for our own benefit. We do not intend to possess the person. Rather we think of how we can improve the other person’s life without depleting ourselves. . We give our partner freedom to be Authentic.

Marriage can be a prison. Divorce is an escape. Choose your cellmate wisely

One can love another without desire to be in a relationship with such a person. One can give to another without any intention of getting married to such a person. Relationship is a desire to grow together with the person. When the other person desire to grow in a different direction, one can only admire from a distance or support the person in whatever form one chooses.

To truly love means to allow your partner the freedom to be.
To release the fear that they will stop choosing you and move on to another, to relinquish control and simply focus on being the absolute BEST version of you.

Choose love over possession.

Love is freedom. Love is not possessive.

Passion of desire

I want to explore

My self imposed boundary

Fufil my fantasies

Over numerous eyes

Knowing I am being watched

Makes me receptive to the act

Put on revealing dress

And nothing underneath my mini skirt

To plant the desire

In the mind of strangers

Until I met a young man at the bar

Who seems willing to ride

Took bottles to summon courage

And deal with the awkwardness

I felt his hands on me

And his kiss on my neck

I fondled his shaft

And swallowed its contents

I could twist and turn

Over his strong hands that held me firm

I felt his sweat dripping down

Unsure whose name to moan

His experience intoxicated me

He satisfied my deepest longing

He left without words of love

No phone number , No email address

I feel used and dumped

I miss my husband

Fears of a virgin

She did not dare to dance

Or jump the gutter

She did not jump the fence

She would not stand in front of a man

Nor widen her legs

She slowly passed out urine

For fear of tearing her hymen

Sexual miseducation

She swear it was not her fault

Her hands shakes vigorously

Mumbling words beneath my understanding

She felt the bite of a mosquito

In between her pure legs

She has been disvirgined

She fears getting pregnant

2020- A year of anger

Anger flows in the land. The people are walking like a ticking time bomb waiting for any little fuel to ignite the internal flame. . The citizen stayed at home in an empty stomach to comply with the COVID-19 lock down order. The government wants her citizen safe from the virus. The citizen is threatened by hunger. A hungry man is an angry man. After the lock down, the organization laid off her workers. The hungry citizen are jobless. Anger is doubled. Officers of the Nigerian police force continued to be brutal. A joyful person could tolerate a certain percentage of pain. An angry person already feels pain. He seeks to eliminate the pain on the stomach and the pain of joblessness. He needs no physical pain from the local authorities. One little trigger was sufficient to ignite the pain he has been repressing. The youth protest began. It spread from police brutality to bad governance and then looting of warehouses.

Some Christians diverted their anger to God. They felt a sense of betrayal for not being protected from the massive job loss despite obeying all his commandment, rules and ritual. They felt used and dumped by the creator. Staying at home without going to church did not end their lives. So why bother going? A gradual loss of faith.

Others diverted their grievance to the clergy. Few church leaders launched an online platform for tithe collection. A hungry and jobless Christian threatened with eternal punishment for not paying tithe is the last thing an angry person expects from the religious leaders. Members expected the church to feed them the way Christ fed the five thousand. Their disappointment led them to swear not to go to that church again.

Anger like Joy, hunger, or sadness is neither good nor bad. It is an emotion to be felt. Anger can be a fuel for transforming one’s life. We need to be angry at our present circumstance before we can act to change them. Righteous anger is when we feel the pain of the oppressed and try to stop it. when we are angry, we feel it calmly to understand its source. Impatient anger could lead to violence or Hasty decision when we lash out instantly.

Righteous anger is speaking against the religious practice that is harmful or religious leaders that abuse their trust. Jesus vented his anger at the religious leaders in his time. He called them hypocrite. He scattered the moneymakers in the temple. He stated that his life mission is to free the captive. That includes those in religious bondage. He was not operating from hurt targeted at him. It was not a revenge mission. He was interested in uplifting humanity. Examine your anger holistically.

We hope 2021 would be better