Teach to think

The job of a private lesson tutor introduced me to the concept of individual difference among children. There are kids that grasp a concept easily and there are those who require constant remindal. A good teacher does not fall to the trap as labelling one smart and the other dull. He would rather call the former a fast learner and the other a slow learner for slow and fast are function of time set by the teacher and the education board . To tag a pupil “dull” can damage his self esteem and discourage him from soaring high.

The education board gives teachers a curriculum and expect teachers to input the syllabus to pupil at the boards approved time frame. Great teachers understand that each child has his preferred learning style and the classroom learning style does not favor all. Private tutoring gives the teacher an opportunity to understand the pupil for whom he is and adapt his teaching style to pupil need. He is not fixated at one teaching style.

Children dread school. The few who love school do so to link up with friends. They dislike memorization style of learning taught in school. Each individual has his own potential. The classroom does not help fulfil all the potential. Tertiary education is not for all. It is necessary to read and write (at least to fill to the teller and sign your check). Pupil who would end up as athlete would benefit from soccer training than classroom education. To impose classroom education only without other extra curriculum supplement would make the child deviate from his true nature. Such child grow up directionless, discouraged and unfilled in their blue collar job. An unhappy CEO or a lawyer who dread court cases. Until he gets to fifty, he remembers his childhood dream of being a footballer. By then, his body is weak. The school did not help him uncover his potential.

Many teachers are in the academia for lack of a better job. The school did not help them discover their potential,, so they repeat the same mistake to students. It is important for teachers to ask themselves, What is my teaching mission? By drafting a philosophy, the teacher can manifest it in the way he teaches. A teacher whose mission is to rise to the top of the educational institution as a principal will teach differently from one whose motto is to transform the life of students.

My motto is to grow a generation that would question the status quo. To do that, I teach them critical thinking. I select subject that encourage thinking rather memorization. I once resigned from a school because I was assigned subjects that did not give me flexibility to think outside the box.

Likewise, I encourage my students to speak up. , I love listening to their opinion. Likewise, I introduce thought-provoking open-ended.question in the classroom and ask for their views. Furthermore, I quickly remind them that there are no wrong answers. Sometimes, I deviate from the school curriculum to do this. I ensure each child gives his opinion or how the issue relates to them. Every job requires thinking.

Realize that children encourage speaking up and wish teachers give them more opportunities to open up. Sometime, the children happily discuss this with their parents. The parents do not hide their disapproval especially if the topic has religious t it., the school authorities do not want to lose patronage, so they appeal I desist from that. I temporarily agree, only to repeat it again until someone gets tired or leaves.

Parenting your parent

Forced to grow up fast

Saddled with responsibility beyond me

Overdeveloped sence of duty

Working when my peers played with sand

Functioning as an adult at a tender age

My childhood taken away from me

Doing their job

Confusing role reversal

Little opportunity to be playful

Pleased them at all cost

While suppressing my own needs

Grown into a serious minded adult

Attracted to troubled partner

And trying to fix them

Think For Yourself

Spoon-fed by inspired writers Commanded by perceived experts. . Taught by certified teachers         instructed by respected martyrs

We look to external mortal        To tell us what is rational              like second hand individuals    born without a functional cerebral

If we perform rites of Initiation Repeat words of supplication.     Suppress certain natural inclination         And control our reflection

We are assured of immortality.. This does not match with reality An attempt to strip us of our personality. and subject us to their authority 

They teach us dogmatic belief Adapted from ancient writing To make us act by their script And ignore our dream .

We memorize the rules like prisoners . We live the life of mediocre .         Lawyers wear the badge of Freedom fighter  . In Religious centers praising the jailers  

Ethnicity leads to group Identification. Group identification leads to division division leads to competition. Competition hinders cooperation

Holding on to dogmatic belief. We know is not working.         And hope it  turn out well            is the road to stagnation

A period of Isolation                    To examine Religious assumption. . Subject them to experimental investigation. Wake up from mental limitation

Reject all societal hypothesis That does not align with reality with immediate alacrity To free up mental capacity.

Break the chains that bind. Asking Question is no crime . Finding answers is our right . Reclaim your power to live our own life

A female letter to male

My name is fe-armale . I am created to fear the male and obey his command. I am constantly reminded that I was made from his rib. If I do not worship him, he may take his rib back . That would be the end of my life. I am indebted to him for giving me life . God created him. He made me. He is my minigod.

My body is not mine but an extension of his. I do not own myself. My dad own me. He could use me to settle debt or offer me to his male visitors for pleasure. . He could give me out to any man in marriage without my consent . I must open my leg at his command and must remain in the union no matter how toxic. I must please my husband, brother and son for they are my moral obligation.

I try to dress in a way I feel. I am instructed to cover every part of my body. For my body is a temptation to the men. The same body I got from their ribs. I must surrender to his request no matter how illogical it seems. Every time I attempt to by myself, I am shamed for being such an ingrate.

Unti I got pregnant and gave birth to my son, I realized that men came through the legs of women.My eyes are open to reality. I was deceived . I have repressed myself yet you males do not appreciate me. You guys are insatiable. I weep because I see many girls who are still victims of the tale. I have had enough. I will violate the good girl code. I will deviate from the norms of the society. I will be Authentic.

Fears of a virgin

She did not dare to dance

Or jump the gutter

She did not jump the fence

She would not stand in front of a man

Nor widen her legs

She slowly passed out urine

For fear of tearing her hymen

Sexual miseducation

She swear it was not her fault

Her hands shakes vigorously

Mumbling words beneath my understanding

She felt the bite of a mosquito

In between her pure legs

She has been disvirgined

She fears getting pregnant

Educated to sacrifice

I grew up like most of you out there subjected to three major kind of education. The first is family education, second is academic education and the third is called religious education.

Family education focused on duty. I learnt to be obedient to authority- my parents,elders, etc. I heard to do whatever they asked me to do whether I felt like or not under the assumption that they meant well for me.Failure to comply resulted to punnishnent. I learnt my first lesson- suppress your feeling and comply to avoid punnishnent.

The Religious education focused on submission. We are to submit to the instructions as written in the holy books. I must pray at a particular time and place whether I like it or not. If I fail to comply, I would be sentenced to eternal punnishnent. I learnt my second lesson. Suppress my feelings and submit to what the gods say or risk going to hell

The third education is societal education.We had to obey the written and unwritten laws of the land or risk getting jailed. No one cares if you enjoy paying taxes. I learnt my third lesson : suppress your feelings and conform to societal expectation.

All these education taught me to focus on ideas outside of myself. My parents, religion and society had little or no concern for my feeling . Pleasure and humor are to be swept underground.I am not to search for my own happiness even when my happiness does not interfere with that of others. I feel guilty for pursuing my dream. It means I am deviating from the dreams of the religious group,parents or society. It means I am a selfish fellow. I am a rebel for not living a duty oriented life.

Selfishness is synonymous with evil. A selfish person is one who is concerned with his own need. when did that becomes a terrible thing . we are encouraged to sacrifice our desire . Is self sacrifice really a virtue? Teaching of self sacrifice encourage one to value others more than oneself. It may lead to low self-esteem.Self sacrifice teaching has prevented many of us from achieving our dream.

Parents Why

You know you do not like the current condition.

You know this society is not working. you are managing to exist. eating from hand to mouth. struggling to make a living.

you find a partner in similar or worse situation like you and for love or other selfish reason, choose to get married and bring a child into this world.

A child that would be forced to struggle like you.
To use him as cheap labor in your farm ?
As a secondary source of income e.g bride price,child hawking
As bragging right among your peers?
So you can flex your authority and power on him/her

Why? so that when you get old you will guilt trip them into taking care of you with words like
” after ,bringing you into this world
after all I have done for you.

you think because you brought him to this miserable world,he owes you his life.
what did you do for him? you starved him, no tertiary education, no comfortable bed.

AF if it is compulsory for one to own a child.
do we really care for the children? do we really want them to be a part of this cruel world?
Many orphans are praying for caregivers in orphanage homes but we do not give a damn.we want one that come from our body so we have a sence of ownership

you are not happy. your partner is not happy. the society is not happy. yet we bring fotth a child to share in the unhappiness.
are we not. cruel to children?

Masculine women and Feminine men

When Nollywood actor Pet Edochie fumed at the young men kneeling before a woman, he was backlashed. Pet was comparing happenings in his youthful age against  the youth in this generation. The traditional Igbo man is highly placed in the society. During traditional wedding,the woman kneels down to propose to the man.The one who kneels begs the other for a favor.A typical Igbo man hardly kneels for his fellow man talkless of a woman . He only kneels for the gods who he recognizes as more powerful than he is.

Pet is  not alone. Many men have noticed a decline in the masculinity of men. The Alpha male movement and redpill movement are attempt to correct this imbalance.When did thngs change? When did man begin to loose his ego to stoop so low to kneel before a less powerful being. Was the change sudden or gradual?

Women were seen as irrational and emotional.Men were the rational and strong willed. Men were taught to act like men They had to suppress their emotion close to their heart. Men should never cry in public.  Expression of vulnerability  is a sign of a weak man.  Men are closed minded, rigid and structured. He should not seek fun .Men. Should always be in power, strive for control, compete.They lack empathy necessary for effective communication and connection.

In early days, male children joined their fathers in the river fishing or the forest haunting. Female spent their time with the mothers cooking. Each gender know his role. You hardly see a man in the kitchen or a girl hunting. Men learnt to act like men and women learnt to act like women.Then came the industrial era. Lands meant for farming and hunting was taking over by the government to build factory. The owners of the land were jobless.To offer compensation, the men were integrated as workers in this factory. Their male children were not allowed to follow dad to work.son stays at home with the mum while Dad went to work. Father leaves home as early as eight and comes home by six. He is exhausted, he sleeps to get strength for the next day. Fathers became absent in their son’s life. The role of dad in son life began to reduce while the role of mum in son life began to rise. Mummy passes over her feminine qualities to growing son.

Then came education. Female involvement in  education at an early age especially science and  law improve her reasoning abilities (masculinity) . Female take part in competitive games like the male counterpart. This improves their aggression.These women ended up as heads of organization.They took  decision and gave instructions . These women began to have a thirst of power . Their masculine qualities were awoken.

Girls  who enjoy highly competitive games with a desire to win also increases their aggression (masculinity). We tag such women names like Tomboy. They are ladies with highly developed masculine side and poorly developed feminine side.. Such masculine girls are attracted to  the beta guys. If a man is more masculine in nature,he will be attracted to a very feminine woman who will compliment his energy. Balance men prefer neutral women.. Masculine girls at attracted to a feminine guy or sisi or beta guy . Such guys are few as society teaches guys to wear the Alpha mask. She can only find solace among her fellow feminine women. This is the origin of homosexuality- . Heterosexual are no different from homosexual as both seek balance .

Society has widened this energy balance over the years. Civilisation is bring closing the gap. Homosexual are closer to achieving balance compared to heterosexual. Yet, Homosexuals feel guilty for not complying with society expectation. . There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, for it IS what is. However, we need to bear in mind that society at this time is traumatized due to so many centurie conditioned to comply with that. DO we want to fit in? Until WHEN? We need to learn to Love who we are, while allowing others to be what they want to be. Acceptance is the way of Life.

We should understand that each individual hold masculine and feminine qualities within us. When both qualities are not well alligned, the person is out of balance. The traditional gender roles over the years has created highly masculine males on one hand and highly feminine female on the other side.  we are drawn to certain individual that help us correct these imbalance. These highly masculine males become attracted to highly feminine female.

How not to obey your parents

Two ears ago, My uncle summoned his children on his sick bed and instructed the first son to take over his law firm. This was the same son who resented studying law and only studied the course to please the dad. The same dad has asked him to forfeit his personal ambition.

The young man was literally unhappy as he managed the firm. He obeyed bitterly. He poured out his aggression on the entire staff.  

Obedience should be done out of love rather than duty. When an act is carried out of duty, the relationship with those around is diminished. 

I had to tell him that he was not bound to his late father wish. He could simply employ a trusted fellow to manage the firm while he supervises periodically.

Children should be made to do things out of duty in the beginning.As they grow up, duty should be gradually replaced by love. Love is a better teacher than obligation.  Duty is mechanical and externally motivated by a sence of obligation . Love makes it easier. Love transform responsibility to joy. A sence of  duty warmed by a love for humanity creates the best result.

I have seen a girl  reject suitor so they can take care their aging parents. While the act is commendable,It should be done out of love and not out of society expectation so she doesn’t regret it taking care of aged parent should be done from the bottom of her heart and not as a debt she owes you.  

The factory worker who constantly looks at the clock for it to be five o click to drop his tools work out of duty and not out of love .  Such a man will have lots of regret when he finally retires. Christianity is one religion built out of love rather than a sence of duty. God love the world that he gave his son……He did not owe the world. No one would punnish him for non compliance.To  be a great teacher, begin by loving children. To be a great auto-mechanic, begin by loving automobile.

The Making of a terrible teacher

Many years ago, people gathered to share their ugly academic experience. In the midst of their discussion, some said

” All thermodynamics lecturers are wicked”

So many people nodded in aggrement. I mean people from various tertiary institution studying chemistry,physics, and all form of engineering. My own thermodynamics lecturer was given an alliance of a popular terrorist. It was as if all the thermodynamics teachers had a meeting and took an oath of wickedness. This got me thinking .

” does subject create terrible teachers ?” That is

Will a good teacher suddenly turn terrible simple because he is assigned to teach a particular course ?”

I examined the course in question and realized the subject itself are difficult to understand. Mathematics for example is dreaded by student. These students manage to learn enough to graduate and forget a large amount of what Is learnt immediately after graduation. Because of the unemployment problem in the country, these students find themselves as teachers and lecturers and are asked to teach the subject they once hated. The hatred for the subject resurfaces coupled with the fact that they do not know much. As a teacher,they have to maintain the illusion that they know. They do this by putting up a wicked looking face to scare students from asking much question so as not to expose their incompetence.

Secondly, some subjects are difficult to teach. Some phenomenon can be explained best using computer stimulated teaching aids which are unavailable in most academic institution. It takes a genius teacher to use an a better concept to relate the subject to the student interest for better comprehension.

But terrible teaching is not just a function of subject. Teachers personality. have a role to play. Highly Temperamental teachers make terrible teachers.impatient teachers do not give students enough opportunity to make mistake. They expect students to get it right at first attempt and would rush the scheme of work despite student slow comprehension ability. People who do not enjoy being around children make terrible teachers.

Becoming a better teachet requires a great deal of effort to know and understand the subject more,and be willing to change bones behavior in the classroom.

, what impacts did your father had in your life?

It really is remarkable how deeply fathers impact the lives of their children either negatively or positively. The following stories describe four different kinds of fathers. You may find yourself identifying with one of them

1) One man who struggles with low self esteem recalls that his father paid very little attention to him, and that the attention he got was often hurtful. He sill struggles with feelings of failure and the thought that no matter how hard he tries it just isn’t good enough.
His father on the other hand felt that he was motivating his son with positive criticism “for his own good”, and that his lack of affirmation was to keep his son from becoming proud and arrogant. “All I wanted was to help him be the best that he could be. I know my standards were high, but the world is a tough place and I just wanted him to be prepared”. Although his intentions may have been good, the damage he caused would take years to overcome.

2) A lady tells the story about her father who was overprotective. She had very little freedom to go anywhere. If she asked permission to go somewhere there was always a reason why she couldn’t.

3) Another lady tells the story of how her Dad was a workaholic and that there was a lot of tension and conflict in the home. He may have been there physically but he was emotionally unavailable to her. She felt ignored by him. She longed for his attention and approval. She grew up feeling empty, emotionally abandoned, and struggled with low self esteem.
If you ask her how her relationship with her father impacted her she would tell you that she felt she had to grow up too fast, and that she missed out on her childhood. She leaned at an early age to fend for herself and not to ask for help and that she couldn’t trust people especially men, because they would let her down. As a teen she looked for love in all the wrong places and would dress in a way that got attention from guys, but in the end it wasn’t the kind of attention she needed. The whole trajectory of her life was in the wrong direction and she ended up in a lifestyle of promiscuity and addiction.

4) On a positive note there is a man who describes his dad as being someone he could always talk to. He remembers having all kinds of discussions with him on many different topics. As a kid he felt that he could actually learn from his dad’s mistakes. His dad was not perfect by any means, but at least he was authentic. Even as a kid his dad would ask him for his opinions and his ideas and would listen curiously to what he would have to say. He remembers his dad as having boundaries but also being flexible. If he could come up with a good enough argument for why he should be able to do something he could usually convince his dad, as long as it wasn’t unreasonable. He remembered developing a strategy for picking his battles and not sweating the small stuff.
If you ask how him how his dad impacted his life he would tell you that he learned to think for himself. Despite his shortcomings and failures he felt affirmed and validated as a young man, and that this somehow gave him the “freedom to fail”. He attributes his success in life to this “freedom to fail”.
This man is an confident decision maker and has risen to be a leader in his place of work. At home he loves being a dad. His wife also loves that he can articulate his thoughts and feelings well. Generally speaking he seems to be a happy guy.

Isn’t it interesting how deeply our relationship with our fathers impact us?
A good balance between love and discipline is the key to great parenting. Barbara Coloroso describes four parenting styles based on love and discipline. The “jellyfish” parent scores high on love but low on discipline. The “brick wall” parent is like the father in the first example- high on discipline and low on love. The “permissive” parent, like the father in the third example, is low in love and low in discipline. The “backbone” parent represents the ideal. Like the father in the fourth example this parent scores high on love and high on discipline.

“you look sexy”” is an insult

YOU LOOK SEXY” IS AN INSULT
Ladies,do you always feel happy when people see
the way you dress and say you look sexy?
“You look sexy” is not a greeting, it is not a
compliment, it is an insult.
They are telling you, you are good for sex only,
they are telling you you have something good
under your skirt, but nothing tangible under your
Cap.
They are saying you are a bed professional,
bedroom expert and nothing more.
They are saying your greatest asset is under your
pant, what an insult, never allow anybody to tell
you, you look sexy again, because that simply
means they are saying you are boys toy and guys
pleasure tool, sex symbol and not a great
personalty, not somebody to be respected.
They are simply saying you are closer to been a
prostitute than to been a Virtuous, quality and
exceptional woman. So always dress to look pretty
and beautiful, don’t dress to look sexy.
Queens and FIRST LADIES don’t dress to look
Sexy, they always dress to look beautiful, adorable
and pretty.
But BED LADIES will dress otherwise because like
whores their value and biggest asset is in bed.
Always remember that good product are always
well covered, branded and well packed, but
worthless product are always exposed for all dick
and harry to see, make yourself valuable, cover up
girl, let your daughter be proud of you in future,
stop been object of Lust and passion.
So when you are dressing tomorrow morning ask
yourself, am I dressing like a FIRST LADY or like
BED LADY, let your dressing answer for you

i dont want obedient children

If you heard someone described as obedient, what thoughts does it bring to mind? Someone with no mind of their own, who will do what you tell them, who won’t stand up for themselves. Oh no, that’s not what I’m aiming for, and so I do not want ‘obedient’ children.

Children used to be expected to be ‘seen but not heard’, to never answer back, to do as their parents say for no other reason than ‘because I said so!’ Thankfully that has changed a bit, but it does seem to me that a lot of peoplearestill striving for obedience from their children. Or at least that a lot of people expect you to be. The mother in the shopping centre with a screaming child can expect glares and ‘control your child’ comments from passersby. As if children aren’t their own person but more like possessions to be controlled.

That your parenting should be judged on how well your children behave, how quiet they are, how obedient they appear. That somehow the tighter grip you have on them, the more you are able to influence them and they will turn into a respectable adult.

And so ‘talking back’ is ok with me (as long as it’s not rudely).
Asking me why they can’t do something is ok with me.
Trying to negotiate with me is ok.
Disagreeing with me is ok.
Big feelings are ok with me, and not something to be frustrated about.
By reacting this way I am teaching them that no matter if someone is bigger, older, or more powerful, it’s ok to question or stand up for what you think is right. That you can also do this in a polite and respectful way. That often things still don’t go your way and how to deal with that. If instead I chose to enforce behaviour with punishment, never let them question me, or didn’t help them with their big emotions, then how would they learn to deal with these situations in the future? How would that effect our relationship? Would they feel valued, respected, and important? Or would they feel powerless?

I don’t want my children to grow up to be ‘obedient’ adults, who give in to peer pressure, who are afraid to voice their opinion. Nor do I want them to grow up thinking that the way we interact with people younger than us is by coercion and control. Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. They can handle simple age appropriate explanations for things. They deserve reasons for our actions. I doubt I would be happy to do something I didn’t want to do if the only reason I was given was ‘because I said so’. I can extend the same courtesy to my children

sarah

never say “rape” in presence of a lady

Words are powerful. Words evoke emotion. They take you to a time or place, they jog your memory, they bring back sights, smells, tastes. What if a word that brought back a bad memory, a traumatic experience, was tossed around casually? What if nearly everywhere you went, you heard this word? And you just couldn’t escape it

230 high school girls in Nigeria were kidnapped by Boko Haram. Depending on what you read, some escaped, some were forcefully married, some were taken across the border, and some … well … we don’t know what happened to them. What is STILL happening to them. And their families are driving themselves crazy thinking about it, wondering about it, imagining what is being done to these girls.

. So it’s not just their bodies being broken. Their minds are being broken too. In addition to what is being done to them, they are questioning where their God is, where their government is, why they ever bothered going to school.

You see, rape ISN’T just a word. It’s a weapon. And every time someone uses it lightly, it evokes the entire experience. When a woman is walking in a wide street in broad daylight, and a man cat-calls her, and she ignores him, and he causally says how he will rape her, it isn’t just a word. It’s a memory of the torture she went through. And it’s enough to take her out of that bright street and into the hell that was her rape. She may be standing there safe and sound, but in her mind, she’s back in the worst place and time of her life.

Diasporadical

making a child an academic genuis

It is the wish for every parent to have a good,responsible, intelligent child they are proud of. Such parents talk bodly about their ward achievement.

Other parents arent so lucky.they complain day and night about their ward problems.

Parents are so much focused in their carrears that they neglect the fundamental aspect of parenting. They have no time for their kids. They forget that the behavior of a child is largely determined by the parent.

The other day, a dad was complaining about how his son had failed jamb five times . He questioned God “what have i done wrong”?
After series of questions, i discovered the child had been bottom of class righht from his primary school days. The dad never checked if he had done assignment. No home lesson teacher. The child had no academic guidiance whotsoever. Isnt it obvious that the childs failure academically was caused by parents negliigence.

The parents also have a role to play in guiding a child in choosing his carreer. I met a Man who wanted his 6month old baby to read mechanical -engineering.right from when the baby was 4, he bought a toy car for him. As he grew, he bought a toy lorry, toy catterpillar, and later a toy plane. He wanted to make the son interested in moving parts. At 10 years, he got a miniature automaatic car and later a miniature bulldozer. He would watch as the kid dismantles them to pieces in an attempt to rebuild them. Most times, he failed. The dad didnt yell at him. Instead he promised the son he could get him an automatic miniature plane if he took first position. The son finally took first after several attempts. Dad fufilled his promise.
At 14, he spent his junior Waec break as an apprentice in a mechanic workkshop. At 16, he spent his august long break learning welding. When it was time to choose his future carreer in Jamb, he chose Mechanical Engineering.
Imagine if the dad had neglected him all these while,he would have mixed with student rappers and chosen Music instead.

Parents, your ward academic performance lies in your palm. Input = output. What your ward would grow up to be largely depends on the seed you sow.if you want your child to succeed academically,first sow the “book ” in him . At young age give him storry books to read.follow it up by asking questions on the book.ewhen he comes back from school,ensure he does his assignment. Give him a target, -first position. Let him know you are intterested in his academic succes.this will make him take it seriously. Celebrate his performance. Encourage him.

Prroffesors werent made overnight.