women and self-deceit

I came across this story from a blog by adaora uduchukwu

and I can absolutely say this is so relatable, must young people/teenagers are in situations like this or going through something similar but are too blind to accept the truth. Heck, even I have been in this situation once or shhhhh be I promised myself to always tell the truth to that one person who needs to hear it from me and that person is ME but first I want to apologize for being Mia on you all and I must say it wasn’t intentional but that’s story for another day ☺️

Here’s the story I want you all to read, it was written by radio presenter Toolz. Enjoy

We met during my final year of university; he had just moved from Houston and didn’t know a lot of people in London, and after a few random conversations about course work, he asked me out. Our first date was amazing, and after about a month of seeing each other a few times a week, I was almost certain he was ‘the one’.

After dancing around the issue for a week or two, I was finally brave enough to bring up the ‘where are we’ issue. His exact words were ‘I really like you Tolu, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now’. I had to take a moment to mentally pick up the fragments of my broken heart, then I smiled at him and said ‘No worries, it’s ok’
I avoided him for about 2 weeks as I licked my wounds and tried to regain my pride. Towards the end of the 2nd week I had miraculously convinced myself that he was only saying he didn’t want a relationship because he didn’t know how much of a fantastic woman I was. So I became his ‘standby friend’ – I was going to be on standby till he realized he actually wanted a relationship – with me!
I would hang out with him at every opportunity, listen to all his ideas with undivided attention, fret over him if he sneezed, and I would even go to his house to cook for him…he definitely had my mumu-button.

For almost a year I waited and played my standby role very well. I told myself plenty of lies, ‘He really does care about me, he wouldn’t be hanging out with me if he didn’t’; ‘He’s dealing with a few personal issues, so I just need to be patient and he’ll wake up one day and realize I’m the one’. Yes, I was subconsciously defrauding myself.

He left London for a few months on an internship, and I missed him badly. My mobile phone bill was ridiculous because I would call him regularly for a ‘friendly chat’, he would call me too, but I was definitely doing more of the calling. I soon realized that he wasn’t missing me the way I missed him, so I let things chill for a bit. When he returned to London, I was over the moon!
My birthday was in 2 weeks, and I decided to have a little get-together. I also thought that this would be a fantastic opportunity for him to see what he was missing. The plan was to get super-dolled up and flaunt my fabulousity in front of him, and of course he would call me the next day and say ‘Tolu I missed you, I’ve been such a fool not to realize how incredible you are – please be mine’ (Yimu right?).

On the day of my party – I had two sexy outfits that were picked to make him drool. I was nervous, anxious and hopeful.
He finally arrived!
I opened the door, and he looked at me and said ‘You look amazing’. I was positively beaming as he hugged me. As I ushered him into the living room, he stopped and said ‘I hope you don’t mind, I brought my…..girlfriend, she’s just getting something from the car’.
If he had slapped me I wouldn’t have been more surprised!

What had just happened? The guy I had been on standby for had boarded another flight!

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